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PTO-189145 · #1 03-30-2011, 09:33 AM

Hey fam.

Just a question. I want your viewpoints. K?

Within a relationship, problems are bound to arise. You are gonna be tested, and tried. This we all know.

but

What happens when there is an issue within the relationship that cannot be resolved. What if its something that happened one maybe two years ago (maybe even more

)? Ya'll always manage to patch up the situation, but can never agree. You agree to disagree so to speak. You apologize...you forgive...you make up. But you never quite smooth out the core of the problem. It comes up in fights every now and again. Its a sore spot within the relationship.

My question to you is:

Is the relationship salvageable? Can it be saved? Or...at that point...is there too much water under the bridge?

You are absolutely 100% in love with eachother. Aside from this issue, ya'll are truly happy. Happy and in love.

What do you think?

Geauxin'KraZee · #2 03-30-2011, 09:49 AM

It's all about acceptance for us. There is something my man and I disagree on, however, neither one of us make an issue if it and it is something we both know that we have differing opinions on. I accept that he feels one way on this issue and I completely disagree with him and he accepts that I have a different Veiw . For me, it's something one must ask themselves if there is something you as a couple disagree on, you must decide if it's that important to you to allow it to come in between your relationship or not. Ask yourself how important is it really and then if it's not- you must find a way to let it go. Only you have those answers and I hope you come to terms with it so that you and your man can have a full and happy life together . Wishing you all the best, you deserve no less !!

moemom · #3 03-30-2011, 09:53 AM

It's Easy To Forgive But We Never Forget. When Something Bad Happens In A Relationship It Is Easy To Say We Forgive The Other Person For Whatever They Have Done Or What We Think They Have Done... But Forgetting About It Doesn't Usually Happen... It's Bound To Get Thrown In The Other Person's Face At Some Point. Maybe We Bring Up The Past As A Way To Hurt Them Because WE Are Hurting.

MIKAER · #4 03-30-2011, 10:49 AM

If it's a repeated hurt. something apologize for and corrected. then I seek to find the issues within myself that keep reopening the wound. Sometimes individual or couples therapy is very helpful. Sometimes just reading a book will help.....

LoveBuggy · #5 03-30-2011, 11:01 AM

You have to both agree to bury it. Have you talked about it until you are blue in the face? Then it needs to be agreed jointly to bury it and be done with it. Of course easier said than done. I know i'll be talking to R and something he says sparks an old memory from 3 or 4 years ago. Something that wasn't resolved or dealt with at the time. Lately we have managed to work through old hurts and put them to bed. Feels damn good to not hold them in.

ladyelise · #6 03-30-2011, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BooBoo

Hey fam.

Just a question. I want your viewpoints. K?

Within a relationship, problems are bound to arise. You are gonna be tested, and tried. This we all know.

but

What happens when there is an issue within the relationship that cannot be resolved. What if its something that happened one maybe two years ago (maybe even more

)? Ya'll always manage to patch up the situation, but can never agree. You agree to disagree so to speak. You apologize...you forgive...you make up. But you never quite smooth out the core of the problem. It comes up in fights every now and again. Its a sore spot within the relationship.

My question to you is:

Is the relationship salvageable? Can it be saved? Or...at that point...is there too much water under the bridge?

You are absolutely 100% in love with eachother. Aside from this issue, ya'll are truly happy. Happy and in love.

What do you think?

Good post yet very vague, I think if it still comes up then it isn't resolved. I also believe it depends on core of the disagreement. If it's something that goes against anyone's moral beliefs I don't think you can use "love" as the cure all. I think the down fall of a lot of relationships is people put heart over head in too many matters.

Temeron0926 · #7 03-30-2011, 12:24 PM

In OUR relationship we have very few, if any, issues that can't be resolved. If we do have one (and there IS one) that can't be fixed/resolved. We have chosen to agree to disagree, and also to remember one of our "rules" of fighting: LEAVE THE PAST IN THE PAST.

Sometimes you have just got to sit down and say: "Is this something we can finally reslove or do we need to agree to let it go?" There WILL be times when you can't resolve something, when you can't agree on it, and sometimes, in the big picture, it is not something that is worth bringing up over and over again. Past hurts are rough, believe me, but they CAN be put where they belong, in the past.

akaptrosa · #8 03-30-2011, 09:00 PM

We seek God's Word and pray about it.

No More Tears · #9 03-30-2011, 09:48 PM

It's indelibly printed into our makeup to keep bringing up bad situations. Know matter how much you argue, apologize, fight, make up or say "it's done and said," we throw it up, especially, when we're trying to prove a point. But, it doesn't have to end a relationship. Things usually come up and out when two people decide to make a life together. Try to come up with something else to do instead of throwing grease on the fire. I heard on the news this morning that Leanne Rhymes said that the next time her and her guy get into an arguement, she's gona pull her clothes off and argue naked. Maybe that's something that the both of you can do. If you don't argue then you won't bring it up. And as always, you need to have patience with anything. You also have to be willing to work past it. Just keep on loving one another and try to keep focused on that and you'll be okay.

ednspirit · #10 03-30-2011, 10:06 PM

It's hard to say when so vague however I think you answered you own question when you said " you agree to disagree" and if you do just that, then you must move on and try not to revisit the subject!!!!! I know easier said then done, but I know you can do it!!!!

Just a quick thought................you can't move on until you forgive yourself....how do you expect Foof to forgive you if you haven't forgiven yourself!!!

decoprincess · #11 03-30-2011, 10:21 PM

Good grief, if I couldn't get past something that happened 1-2+ years, then I have a major head problem but,
my previous 20 year marriage, I did not get past 2 affairs. Why? because he never really did anything to show me that I was special. My grandmother used to say "if your cold, turn up the heat" Well, he never turned up the heat.

WaitingOnEddie · #12 03-31-2011, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by No More Tears

I heard on the news this morning that Leanne Rhymes said that the next time her and her guy get into an arguement, she's gona pull her clothes off and argue naked.

Hmmm...Well, my tactic was to always kiss him...that effectively shut him up...no need to even get naked. LOL.

We also hold hands when we argue. Try it. Seriously. If you are holding the hand of the person that you love so much that has temporarily pissed you off...it's really hard for the argument to get out of hand. We've had that rule for a long time. The arguments tend to end pretty quickly that way.

I think there is only really one situation that we agree to disagree on and that is his mother. He repeatedly forgives her for all the BS that she does...she is so mean and heartless to him and she always has been and does and says cruel things to him every chance she gets...but he's always inviting her back into our lives. And it irks me to no end because I see the emotional damage it does to him when she pulls one of her stunts and I get so sick of seeing her do him that way. But...we agree to disagree...I just let him do as he wishes when it comes to her and hope that one day he will quit torturing himself. So yeah--I think in that situation the relationship is salvageable...it's a 'sore spot' and we don't discuss it much, but when we do it's not like an argument and it's not something that we throw up in each others face...it's more of me telling him that he doesn't deserve to be treated the way she treats him and that it's okay for him to put an end to it.

Now as far as if he had cheated on me before or something of that nature...no...I don't think the relationship would be salvageable. Because I know ME and I know I'd never let that go. I know I'd throw it up in his face and ya know, I just wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that.

lil peep · #13 03-31-2011, 07:28 AM

It probably depends on what the situation is and the couple. Some people cannot get past cheating no matter how long ago, just for example. I don't know what the situation is but I think the other ladies gave the best advice! If you can agree to disagree, to not bring it up anymore then you definitely have a chance at salvaging your relationship. But if one of you can't let it go, if one of you feels like it's still hurting you and always will, I don't know how you'd get past it if it's been years.

bremariie · #14 03-31-2011, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BooBoo

Hey fam.

Just a question. I want your viewpoints. K?

Within a relationship, problems are bound to arise. You are gonna be tested, and tried. This we all know.

but

What happens when there is an issue within the relationship that cannot be resolved. What if its something that happened one maybe two years ago (maybe even more

)? Ya'll always manage to patch up the situation, but can never agree. You agree to disagree so to speak. You apologize...you forgive...you make up. But you never quite smooth out the core of the problem. It comes up in fights every now and again. Its a sore spot within the relationship.

My question to you is:

Is the relationship salvageable? Can it be saved? Or...at that point...is there too much water under the bridge?

You are absolutely 100% in love with eachother. Aside from this issue, ya'll are truly happy. Happy and in love.

What do you think?

Hmmm..well i guess it sorta depends on what the probem is if it happened before you got together then the other mate should not have any reason to be mad now if it happened whie u were together and u are finally telling the i mean that prolly would hurt them if they are in prison i say because they already have aot of stress on them..and i feel also if u really love someone truly from the bottom of your heart, you should be wiling to forgive in move on...but if there constantly bringing it up in fights im guessing maybe some insercurities or jealousy or thats an issue they maybe still dealing with there self...but i do think the relationship should be restored....just talk things out face to face if you can...