Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

tnm8 · #1 05-13-2011, 11:45 PM

Abuse is REAL. It isn't a JOKE. At the end of May it'll be a year since I broke up with mine, and I finally took yalls advice and ended all contact with him last month. But just today something happened that made me open my eyes....A woman and her children were brutally murdered in MY neighborhood LAST NIGHT by her ex husband. She had moved to Idaho and took her kids with her to get away from him......He drove all the way here from freakin Iowa and killed them!!!!! Then he killed himself. Just it makes me so sad..... and what else bothers me is how some girls come on here thinking we're attacking them or that we haven't been through abuse. We're trying to help so you don't end up like that woman that got killed..... I used to think the ladies here didn't know what the heck they were talking about and that my man LOVED me. Ha, now I know better........

tnm8 · #2 05-13-2011, 11:57 PM

Here is the article; http://www.localnews8.com/news/27880400/detail.html

So freakin sad....

Willowbaby65 · #3 05-14-2011, 05:42 AM

I know how you feel tnm8, it's like suddenly someone pulls off the hood that's been over your head and you can finally see everything clear as day. I've only been free since 9/10, and I look back now and wonder how I could have been living so far from reality.

I also get frustrated when I see someone in the DV forum not heeding all the warnings we give--but then I remember, hey, there by the grace of God go I.

Girl, I know we BOTH have given Nim and Lebeau our share of &@%$#&!!! moments..lol.. So there's nothing left to do but keep trying to get through to the new women anyway we can. I've even thought about getting a hold of my evidence photos and posting them on my profile, kind of like a DV Shock Program ( and coincidentally, those photos were MY wake up call) :-), but I don't think that would be enough. I guess it's not unlike all really horrific things that happen all over the world. People just like to believe it would or could never happen to them.

The other day, one of the new women even had the audacity to mention how she had a college education and was smart enough to know exactly when to get out of an abusive relationship. Pftttttttttttttt! Oh yeah, that was me alright; Miss I-Have-Two-Degrees-And-Know-It-All. I learned first hand that denial can overcome common sense any day of the week in an abusive situation. Eight months and 100+ therapy and group sessions later, my ridiculously superior (damaged) brain finally accepted that I couldn't "cure" an abuser. Duh.

All we can do tnm8 is keeping trying to break through the all the walls. Lead by example maybe. Domestic violence has NO boundaries whatsoever. It doesn't discriminate by race, age, gender, culture, education, financial status, sexual orientation or anything else. Everyone travels their own path to recovery. Some will make it other's, unfortunately and tragically, won't.

A while back one member posted a picture of her sister's gravestone who had been the victim of an abuser. That made a big impact on me and I remember thinking how close I came to being just another statistic. To think I originally came to PTO looking for support for HIM after he was arrested again for trying to kill me. I just thank God everyday that I found this forum and it led me (sometimes kicking and screaming) to freedom.

**LeBeau** · #4 05-14-2011, 06:45 AM

Stories like this chill my blood..... and make me that much more determined to try to convince those in abusive situations to leave and to make every effort to ensure their safety.

And Willow, you have not been that big a pain and any fits you did give me seem like fair payback for the fits *I* gave those who tried to get through MY thick head before I finally caught on and walked away (well, crept away with great stealth, but still)...and the fact that you're here, thriving and becoming happy, is a matter of great joy to me.

lovesjames · #5 05-14-2011, 08:09 AM

Good Lord, girl, that's not but a couple miles from here. I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest son and I was living in Ammon by myself. It was 20 years ago, but I still remember how scared I was because a man had shot a woman and her friend to death in Ammon just days before I moved there. It turned out to be another domestic violence situation. At the time, I was just hooking up with my ex-husband who abused me for years. It's ironic how I was afraid of the "killer down the street", but I was letting an abuser and potential killer into my home every day without even thinking twice. People would have heard about me on local news 8 had I not left when I did. Very sad and very real. My heart goes out to the family. Please, please, ladies, take this seriously if you are in an abusive relationship. Women and children are killed everyday by men who claim to love them.

nimuay · #6 05-14-2011, 01:45 PM

Yanno, I got through on my own, but neither of my abusers were the deadly type. I got counseling after I was rid of the last one, and that's cleared a whale of a lot of garbage out. I'm not sure how I'd have dealt with one with that kind of tenacity and menace.

I'm still here, because people like you gals are still in need of what I've learned by going through hell. And because it reinforces things for me - to tell the stories, to re-visit the psychology of a victim and of an abuser - it keeps me 'clean'. You're my "DomAnon" group!