Is there a list of forbidden topics?

[Gavin123]

Hi Dances, I can't imagine the pain you are going thru with your son...I'm so sorry for that. I myself have learned Not to throw stones...As my son is in prison for things I never, ever thought he would be capeable of doing. I come to the boards because I feel compassion for the moms here and what they are dealing with...I do not judge. This is a safe place to vent, cry, get angry etc... I also come for support when I need it, I know everyone here will surround me & comfort me.

You will need people around you that understand what your going thru...We are here for you. All our children committed different crimes and are all serving different amounts of time in prison...BUT The Pain Is The Same, that is why we help eachother...The pain is sometimes unbearable and unless others have been in our situation, they have no idea how it feels...We do.

Be kind to yourself, K
{{{HUGS}}}

[Dances_w_Ghosts]

Originally Posted by Tracy147

sorry spelling...pedophile.

What makes you think my son kept going around this pedophile?

[debdoodles]

Dear Dances, This forum is the place where it is ok to express your feelings and others to be supportive of those words. We all have kids who have committed crimes, so how can we judge each other? I am a little shocked that someone has tried to be offensive on this forum. I have found that PWCIP has the most kindest and caring people than any other forum that I post on. I'm gonna tell you a little story... I was raped from the time I was 13 yrs. old till the age of 16 by my own father. I remember one time I held the kitchen knife in my hand wanting to kill that man as he slept, but I didn't. This was back in the early 70's, and was a taboo subject. He still is alive today and has never served 1 day in prison. My son was convicted of 3 videos of underage pornagraphy with disemmenations charges added. He will sit in prison for almost 4 yrs. and be registered as a SO for the rest of his life. So I'm on both sides of that coin. My heart goes out to you and your son for all of the pain you are going thru. So as far as saying something that I would think is offensive, absolutely not, I am here to be supportive of all who post and hope that everyone will also be supportive of me. Peace be with you.

[Dances_w_Ghosts]

Originally Posted by Dances_w_Ghosts

.

. The mandatory sentence is life with the possibility of parole and in many cases the death penalty is a possibility. .

I meant to say life without the possibility of parole.

[diannas_dream]

Originally Posted by dances_w_ghosts

this subject is really in response to a (very polite) post under the thread on venting. I in no way took personal offense to the post though i do disagree on some points. I feel it is an important issue and should be addressed as a topic. I hope and am confident that the parents on this board can discuss this w/o a riot.

Originally Posted by dances_w_ghosts

is there a list of forbidden topics? I will try to be as tactful as i can. I have been on these boards for just a short time , about 6 months. . I have listened to (and responded with support ) to many a parent talk about what others have done to their children or how unfair the system has been to them. I understand the need to be accepting of all walks and religions. I feel that political correctness is not something to sneer at but the only way to be able to efficiently function as an society. I realize if the sex offender’s family is not safe here then neither am i.

my son is charged with a horrific crime. My son was arrested in oct for first-degree murder of a pedophile who abused him over a period of years. He is charged with the top tier of 1st degree murder. Outside of mass murders and terrorists society judges this to be the most heinous crime. The mandatory sentence is life with the possibility of parole and in many cases the death penalty is a possibility.

does that mean i have no empathy for the pain of a parent of an murdered child? Does that mean that i should not have to listen to the parent that has lost a child to murder in case i am offended?

i have talked very little about what was done to my son by a known pedophile. I have not talked about my horror at what was done to my baby. I was very seriously considering suicide over my failure to recognize what was being done to my boy and my failure to protect him. Now my son sits in jail on a charge that could cost him his life. That is my reality. the pain of this has mentally, spiritually and physically devastated my life. i am not allowed to even briefly mention it for fear of maybe offending another parent?

i truly am asking for the opinions of the members of this form. All i ask is that the posts are not personal attacks or just plain rude.

[diannas_dream]

I was so interested in what you were to find about the rules. My son is new to all this, only 3 months in jail, however will be going on to prison. I'm trying to learn the rules, however, that has been the hardest thing to learn. I don''t want to harm, or make anyone feel bad, as I'm sure you didn't. So what can I say? Will I be hurt if I say what my son did? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!

[diannas_dream]

Originally Posted by Gavin123

Hi Dances, I can't imagine the pain you are going thru with your son...I'm so sorry for that. I myself have learned Not to throw stones...As my son is in prison for things I never, ever thought he would be capeable of doing. I come to the boards because I feel compassion for the moms here and what they are dealing with...I do not judge. This is a safe place to vent, cry, get angry etc... I also come for support when I need it, I know everyone here will surround me & comfort me.

You will need people around you that understand what your going thru...We are here for you. All our children committed different crimes and are all serving different amounts of time in prison...BUT The Pain Is The Same, that is why we help eachother...The pain is sometimes unbearable and unless others have been in our situation, they have no idea how it feels...We do.

Be kind to yourself, K
{{{HUGS}}}

[diannas_dream]

Thank God I found you. My son has only been in jail 3 months and I am having a hard time. I'm afraid to say what he did, but that is what I'm having a hard time with, let alone I have lost my son, my grandchilren........my family!

[tiredmom!]

I myself feel this site is for PARENTS WITH CHILDREN IN PRISON. I myself am not one to judge as to what there children have done. I joined for support for myself, the parent of the child. I also hate what my child had did to get him where he is. What sort of parent would we be if we liked what they did??? Just my thoughts

[mates001]

I'm confused.

[Dances_w_Ghosts]

Originally Posted by diannas_dream

I was so interested in what you were to find about the rules. My son is new to all this, only 3 months in jail, however will be going on to prison. I'm trying to learn the rules, however, that has been the hardest thing to learn. I don''t want to harm, or make anyone feel bad, as I'm sure you didn't. So what can I say? Will I be hurt if I say what my son did? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!

No one will judge you by your son's charge. We have the parents of sex offenders (so), murders (my son's charge), drug charges, assault, theft. You name it we most likely have a parent of. We also run the gament of sentences from still awaiting trial, to under a year to life without the possibility of parole.

Do not worry, I was up too late at night and got my feelings hurt. You are most welcome here

[cubmom]

the boy on " LOck Up" Colorado is in for murdering a known SO. He is serving life. Just 19. He seems like a nice kid...sorry to hear of your son.

[junebugsmomma]

My heart goes out to you. You are already going through so much pain...I hate that you felt suicidal at one point. I am glad that you found this place...it's the one place I found, where we are all feeling the same kind of pain. We are not all perfect, but I hope that we can all respect each other. I think that if I ever read a post that makes me uncomfortable, I'd rather bite my tongue and not post.

keeping you in my prayers
JM

[Tracy147]

Originally Posted by Dances_w_Ghosts

What makes you think my son kept going around this pedophile?

Well in your post you said he was abused by this person for years. So Im asuming that your son was around him alot. Sorry if Im getting personal here, just wondering why he was around him for "years".

[Niki]

I think you can all understand that this is a very difficult subject for Dances to even discuss on a public forum so I thought this might be a good time to step in and explain a few things about pedophiles.

Pedophiles are, as a rule, masters of their trade. They can and do go to great lengths to befriend both the parents and the child. Over time many will escalate from offering the child candy and pizza to alcohol, drugs and pornography. Especially in situations where the pedophile has successfully infiltrated the family and become a trusted friend it is difficult if not impossible for the immature brain of the child to think that these "gifts" will come with a price. Pedophiles are very skillful at concealing their abuse from the parents who trust their child with them and will often use threats against the child to ensure continued cooperation, knowing that the child would be humiliated and fearful if their parents were to learn they had been doing these things (drinking, drugs, looking at porn). In short, a pedophile can assure the childs continued cooperation and successfully conceal their true motives for spending time with the child because of the trust the family has for this person and because of the childs fear of exposure of their own indiscretions even though it was the pedophile who initially introduced the child to these things.

A child keeps going back to their abuser out of fear and confusion. The parents are totally in the dark because the abuser is generally a person they trust and both the child and the pedophile are very good at hiding the reality for very different reasons.

There are a lot of emotions and raw feelings being expressed in this thread and, as a rule, that is a good thing. One of the first steps in healing for a parent is getting these things out in the open where we can receive validation from others who have traveled a similar path. But it's important for us to consider what we are asking before we hit the submit reply button because, after all, the PWCIP forum is a support site for parents dealing with a child in the prison system and not a place to question how things happened.

There's not a single parent here that wouldn't do whatever it took to stop someone from hurting our child but we'd have to be aware that our child was being hurt first before we could take any action. I guess what I want to say is that we don't have the right to question each other as to why things happened the way they did because that's not being supportive and understanding. If we all started questioning why a parent didn't notice their child was dealing drugs, why they weren't able to stop their child from using drugs or why our child didn't have enough sense to not go along on that robbery or not beat up their girlfriends ex-boyfriend then pretty soon there wouldn't be anyone left to support anyone at all.

I hope that I've given you some insight as to the how's and why's of how a pedophile operates because I'm sure that's a topic that Dances doesn't need to be addressing right now. What she needs is for us to help her cope with the fact that her son is facing charges for a very serious crime which resulted from another very serious crime. Her original question dealt with whether or not she should post about her son's situation because some other parents might be offended by her feelings about the man who abused her son. If her particular situation is one that you cannot understand or if you don't feel like you can be non-judgmental then it's best to just pass this thread by and find one you can better identify with.

Dances, you have every right to post how you feel so long as you're not being judgmental or unsupportive toward other members in doing so. We can't help what our children have done or what caused them to do it and what makes PTO and the parents forum such a powerful tool is the fact that we can put aside our differences and focus on the effects of what our children have done on us as their parents. You already know that you and your son are always in my thoughts and prayers and I am happy to see that you are getting some of those pent up feelings out.
Vent on, Momma!!!! Hugs....Niki

[Dances_w_Ghosts]

Originally Posted by Niki

I think you can all understand that this is a very difficult subject for Dances to even discuss on a public forum so I thought this might be a good time to step in and explain a few things about pedophiles.

Pedophiles are, as a rule, masters of their trade. They can and do go to great lengths to befriend both the parents and the child. Over time many will escalate from offering the child candy and pizza to alcohol, drugs and pornography. Especially in situations where the pedophile has successfully infiltrated the family and become a trusted friend it is difficult if not impossible for the immature brain of the child to think that these "gifts" will come with a price. Pedophiles are very skillful at concealing their abuse from the parents who trust their child with them and will often use threats against the child to ensure continued cooperation, knowing that the child would be humiliated and fearful if their parents were to learn they had been doing these things (drinking, drugs, looking at porn). In short, a pedophile can assure the childs continued cooperation and successfully conceal their true motives for spending time with the child because of the trust the family has for this person and because of the childs fear of exposure of their own indiscretions even though it was the pedophile who initially introduced the child to these things.

A child keeps going back to their abuser out of fear and confusion. The parents are totally in the dark because the abuser is generally a person they trust and both the child and the pedophile are very good at hiding the reality for very different reasons.

There are a lot of emotions and raw feelings being expressed in this thread and, as a rule, that is a good thing. One of the first steps in healing for a parent is getting these things out in the open where we can receive validation from others who have traveled a similar path. But it's important for us to consider what we are asking before we hit the submit reply button because, after all, the PWCIP forum is a support site for parents dealing with a child in the prison system and not a place to question how things happened.

There's not a single parent here that wouldn't do whatever it took to stop someone from hurting our child but we'd have to be aware that our child was being hurt first before we could take any action. I guess what I want to say is that we don't have the right to question each other as to why things happened the way they did because that's not being supportive and understanding. If we all started questioning why a parent didn't notice their child was dealing drugs, why they weren't able to stop their child from using drugs or why our child didn't have enough sense to not go along on that robbery or not beat up their girlfriends ex-boyfriend then pretty soon there wouldn't be anyone left to support anyone at all.

I hope that I've given you some insight as to the how's and why's of how a pedophile operates because I'm sure that's a topic that Dances doesn't need to be addressing right now. What she needs is for us to help her cope with the fact that her son is facing charges for a very serious crime which resulted from another very serious crime. Her original question dealt with whether or not she should post about her son's situation because some other parents might be offended by her feelings about the man who abused her son. If her particular situation is one that you cannot understand or if you don't feel like you can be non-judgmental then it's best to just pass this thread by and find one you can better identify with.

Dances, you have every right to post how you feel so long as you're not being judgmental or unsupportive toward other members in doing so. We can't help what our children have done or what caused them to do it and what makes PTO and the parents forum such a powerful tool is the fact that we can put aside our differences and focus on the effects of what our children have done on us as their parents. You already know that you and your son are always in my thoughts and prayers and I am happy to see that you are getting some of those pent up feelings out.
Vent on, Momma!!!! Hugs....Niki

I am grateful to Niki for this post and so much more. There is nothing she wrote about child molesters that I disagree with. I have MUCH MUCH more to say. But my son's trial is not over and I am scared to death I will say something that will cost him his life.
I need to be more aware of what shape I am in emotionally before I get my hackles up. I know I have become paranoid. But just when I think this dog and pony horror show can not get worse...it gets worse.
I do not know how any of us have gotten through the pain of a child being incarcerated. As I read these boards, I truly am amazed at the resiliency of a mother's love for their child. How can Mother J not only function but support others on their journey? How did BB get through losing that hearing and not taking her life and few other deserving people along with her? How does TerryLee deal with losing her daughter to "Good ol Boy" politics? How does Kaymarie get up and go to work each day facing the people she faces? How do Fretful, my3sons, dutchgirl, addictsmom, galvin123, szcunane, mates, niki, travsmon..... dozens and dozens and dozens of us, keep the candle burning in the window?
The one thing that I was truly blessed with is I found all of you on this board about 2 weeks after my son's arrest. For that I will always be grateful. I bow in respect to each and every one of you.

[LeStrange]

Originally Posted by Dances_w_Ghosts

This subject is really in response to a (very polite) post under the thread on venting. I in no way took personal offense to the post though I do disagree on some points. I feel it is an important issue and should be addressed as a topic. I hope and am confident that the parents on this board can discuss this w/o a riot.

Is there a list of forbidden topics? I will try to be as tactful as I can. I have been on these boards for just a short time , about 6 months. . I have listened to (and responded with support ) to many a parent talk about what others have done to their children or how unfair the system has been to them. I understand the need to be accepting of all walks and religions. I feel that political correctness is not something to sneer at but the only way to be able to efficiently function as an society. I realize if the sex offender’s family is not safe here then neither am I.

My son is charged with a horrific crime. My son was arrested in Oct for first-degree murder of a pedophile who abused him over a period of years. He is charged with the top tier of 1st degree murder. Outside of mass murders and terrorists society judges this to be the most heinous crime. The mandatory sentence is life with the possibility of parole and in many cases the death penalty is a possibility.

Does that mean I have no empathy for the pain of a parent of an murdered child? Does that mean that I should not have to listen to the parent that has lost a child to murder in case I am offended?

I have talked very little about what was done to my son by a known pedophile. I have not talked about my horror at what was done to my baby. I was very seriously considering suicide over my failure to recognize what was being done to my boy and my failure to protect him. Now my son sits in jail on a charge that could cost him his life. That is MY reality. The pain of this has mentally, spiritually and physically devastated my life. I am not allowed to even briefly mention it for fear of MAYBE offending another parent?

I truly am asking for the opinions of the members of this form. All I ask is that the posts are not personal attacks or just plain rude.

I'm so sorry for you and what has happened to your son.

[bumblebee37]

I can honestly say that I never thought about killing myself over this. When I saw my son laying in that room with machines keeping him alive....let me tell you folks, hanging ones self is not the way to go.
I am in somewhat of a depression these days but am better then I was the first week after the verdict. I was very lost and made some bad choices on how to express my frustration, hurt, anger, being broke and Lord have mercy I gave the people I came in contact with a lot to contend with as I drown my sorrows. I am totally opposite person when drinking and not real pretty slinging snot like a mad bull.
I think all of us on this forum pour our hearts out to one another as we go daily trying to make sense of it all. I'm really thankful that there isn't a lot of judgement or snide remarks towards one another. This roller coaster ride from hell is hard enough. This has become my sanctuary from all the bad in my life and I look forward to laughing my azz off with you guys. I love it and all of you guys.
bb

[mandymoo]

Oh FINE! I was just getting ready to make a snide remark about you bb-and you have to go and make that beautiful statement But seriously-you don't know who all you may have helped by sharing how badly you were down and how it's getting a little better as the days go by. And that's really what this journey we are on boils down to-the old "one day at a time".

[mandymoo]

Just read Niki's and Dances' posts above bb's-did not mean to make light on a thread of such a heartbreaking nature. So sorry for what has happened to your son Dances, and excellent explanation, Niki, thanks.

[Momma Ann]

I would also like to point out, without reawakening the issue, while we are open on PWCIP-some things and details are just too personal to discuss...or ask about. Please post accordingly.

[Dances_w_Ghosts]

Originally Posted by Niki

I think you can all understand that this is a very difficult subject for Dances to even discuss on a public forum so I thought this might be a good time to step in and explain a few things about pedophiles.

Pedophiles are, as a rule, masters of their trade. They can and do go to great lengths to befriend both the parents and the child. Over time many will escalate from offering the child candy and pizza to alcohol, drugs and pornography. Especially in situations where the pedophile has successfully infiltrated the family and become a trusted friend it is difficult if not impossible for the immature brain of the child to think that these "gifts" will come with a price. Pedophiles are very skillful at concealing their abuse from the parents who trust their child with them and will often use threats against the child to ensure continued cooperation, knowing that the child would be humiliated and fearful if their parents were to learn they had been doing these things (drinking, drugs, looking at porn). In short, a pedophile can assure the childs continued cooperation and successfully conceal their true motives for spending time with the child because of the trust the family has for this person and because of the childs fear of exposure of their own indiscretions even though it was the pedophile who initially introduced the child to these things.

A child keeps going back to their abuser out of fear and confusion. The parents are totally in the dark because the abuser is generally a person they trust and both the child and the pedophile are very good at hiding the reality for very different reasons.

There are a lot of emotions and raw feelings being expressed in this thread and, as a rule, that is a good thing. One of the first steps in healing for a parent is getting these things out in the open where we can receive validation from others who have traveled a similar path. But it's important for us to consider what we are asking before we hit the submit reply button because, after all, the PWCIP forum is a support site for parents dealing with a child in the prison system and not a place to question how things happened.

There's not a single parent here that wouldn't do whatever it took to stop someone from hurting our child but we'd have to be aware that our child was being hurt first before we could take any action. I guess what I want to say is that we don't have the right to question each other as to why things happened the way they did because that's not being supportive and understanding. If we all started questioning why a parent didn't notice their child was dealing drugs, why they weren't able to stop their child from using drugs or why our child didn't have enough sense to not go along on that robbery or not beat up their girlfriends ex-boyfriend then pretty soon there wouldn't be anyone left to support anyone at all.

I hope that I've given you some insight as to the how's and why's of how a pedophile operates because I'm sure that's a topic that Dances doesn't need to be addressing right now. What she needs is for us to help her cope with the fact that her son is facing charges for a very serious crime which resulted from another very serious crime. Her original question dealt with whether or not she should post about her son's situation because some other parents might be offended by her feelings about the man who abused her son. If her particular situation is one that you cannot understand or if you don't feel like you can be non-judgmental then it's best to just pass this thread by and find one you can better identify with.

Dances, you have every right to post how you feel so long as you're not being judgmental or unsupportive toward other members in doing so. We can't help what our children have done or what caused them to do it and what makes PTO and the parents forum such a powerful tool is the fact that we can put aside our differences and focus on the effects of what our children have done on us as their parents. You already know that you and your son are always in my thoughts and prayers and I am happy to see that you are getting some of those pent up feelings out.
Vent on, Momma!!!! Hugs....Niki

You could not have been more on the money then what you posted here. When my son's trial is over, believe me I will have more to say on this subject. Thank you Niki

[Niki]

Anytime, my friend and fellow Watermelon Brigade member! Hugs....Niki

[jenngardens]

I am new here, and still too terrified to introduce myself, but from everything I have read and everything I hope this site to be, please just let it all go. This is what I eventually hope to be brave enough to do here. You are in my heart and prayers today. May you find moments of calm and peace between the moments of the insanity that is hurting us all.

[1bird2]

Originally Posted by jenngardens

I am new here, and still too terrified to introduce myself, but from everything I have read and everything I hope this site to be, please just let it all go. This is what I eventually hope to be brave enough to do here. You are in my heart and prayers today. May you find moments of calm and peace between the moments of the insanity that is hurting us all.

HEY JEN, you really do need to come in and introduce yourself....we will welcome you with open arms...and you'll be thankful that you made your way to this place of understanding....and great compassion. No matter what your situation is...there are many in your shoes who know exactly how you feel.....you will find no judgements....just love and support....and a safe place with those of us who really do understand. And you will find HOPE....no matter how things look at the moment.....\
COME ON IN!!!!
Love and prayers,
XXOO