Completely lost

[sweet_lullaby]

Hi everybody,i'm new here and i suscribed because i read a lot of posts here and even if my problem wasn't among them,well i thought you might be helpful because you all seem caring and wise enough to try to help without judging.

So here's my story.
I have a friend on dr whom i write to for about 4 years now, we always get along really well, we have the same age,the same interests and i m the only one who never dumped him (he had a lot of penpal when he was sentenced to death but they al flew away because he's a bit to honnest sometimes and people dont like to hear the truth,ya know?).
Well so yeah,i used to have a boyfriend but we splitted up almost a year ago, so me and my pp became even more closer,i write three times a week,we share song lyris,poems,drawing and stuff...
For a very long time he used to ask when i ll come visit him and i finally did in april.
It was a real revelation to me,as soon as i saw his smile,as i looked in his eyes,well i can't explain but it was him...
I mean it was like it was obvious,all these years i had only short stories with guys,not really getting along with any of them,always looking for someone better,someone who will really make my heart beat fast and give me butterflies in the stomach and there he was.
All these years he had been so close and i never realised.
Well,yeah might sound pretty cool,yeah it might but it's absolutely not because when i got home i decided to send hima letter expressing my feelings,telling him i realised he was the man i always searched for...
It was kinda heart to write it so it took me a few days to put my words down and the day i was about to send my letter,i got one from him.
In this letter he told me that he was about to get married in august with a girl he knows for about oen year and that he never told me about her because he was sure i was going to say it was way to quick and that a wedding is something really important.
Still he is going to get married and well,i dont really know the girl but we have a common friend and that friend told me she was kinda weird and that she thought my penpal just "jumped" on the first person to show him some love and that she also knew they argued a lot...
I dotn know what to do,i want him to be happy but that hurts so much.
I wont do anything to hurt him but as i said he's on dr,which means that someday he will go and i wouldnt be able to stand that day with the regret of not having telling him about my feelings....
do you think i should tell him?
Do you think i should wait and see?i feel like i allready wait a 1000 years
I'm affraid that if i tell him anything he ll think i m just jamous because i never been flirty or so with him,i was more the one who told him to calm down when he sometimes became a lil kinky in his letters....
i m completely lost,i never knew about that girl before...
i really need help here

[northernstar]

Oh sweetie....I wish I could just hug you and tell you it will be better. Yes girl send him that letter, maybe he has been waiting to hear that from you for years. I know with my MWI I was in love with him before we met. I really feel that finding out about someone first before actually seeing them is a better way. That way your feelings are true and not superficial. My MWI is a beautiful man inside and out, and I tell him that all the time. So you have to tell him, or you will end up regretting it, because you might be letting the love of your life get away, go after him!!!

[BLoved]

My advise would be to not send him the letter and wish him well in his marriage.
He may be on DR, but he is still a grown man and able to make his own decisions.

And if you want, you could try to get to know the girl yourself, and then make up your own mind to see if she is 'weird' or not. Just remember that HE likes her, so there must be something he sees in her your mutual friend has not seen yet?

I have seen a few times that couples who are getting romantic don't share their feelings with other pen pals and family members straight away. It is more or less their 'private dating time'. And they will tell others once they are ready to share what level of commitment they have made to each other.
At times I have heard others felt left out as they were not involved in this 'decision process', but I think on this side of the razor wire we would get to know each other privately too.

If you want to be a true friend, support him. This is going to be hard enough for them without any additional pen pal troubles.
If you think it will be too painful for you to have him in your life as just a friend without any chance of romance, than maybe you may consider stepping back a little.

[tembo]

Aww poor you. You only get one shot in life, so Id go for it and sent the letter. I would mention that you were in the process of writing the letter when you recieved his.. just to make him clear this is not a act of jealousy. Just put your feelings out there and let him make the decision. I think you need to let him know how you feel, but let him know if he does not feel the same then you respect that, wish him well and would like your friendship to continue. Best of luck!

[mammastalkin]

Welcome to PTO! You will find many friends here. Only you can really know what is right in this situation. If you want advice, based on all I've observed and been told, I would say that he needs you to be his friend. This other woman and he are planning to build a life. These type of relationships are so hard, rewarding, but hard. You don't know if it is something you could handle. You could confuse him, possibly break up his relationship, and still have to walk away. And he would be alone. Why not get to know this woman? Perhaps the three of you could be friends. She will need a lot of support too. I think that maybe helping him have what he wants is the best way to be his friend and show your love.

[tembo]

Mamastalkin, after I posted my account was disabled I think, I cant search topics ect which I have always been able to do. Why is this?

[mammastalkin]

Will pm

[brassknucklmami]

Life is short. Tell him. No regrets.