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babygirl350 · #**101** 09-20-2005, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by texaswoman832

I just wanted to thank you for that. I'm new to this whole thing, and I was kinda nervous and a little scared, but your post really helped.

I've been with my fiance for almost 2 years know. I met him while he was on parole, and we dated for about a year, and then seperated for 2 months. Well, in that 2 months he lost control and started doing drugs, and it got in some more trouble. He originally served 5 years of an 8 sentence, and now he's been in for a year. We got engaged before he went back, and I was thinking about just putting the whole thing off until he comes home.

My family has been really supportive for the most part, my mom just loves him to death, inspite of his shortcomings, I'm really lucky on that part. She even volunteered to be his proxy at the ceremony. My siblings are critical, but overall, they love me and trust me to make the right decision. I went to visit him on Saturday, and we talked about going ahead and getting married. I guess I thought I was too good or something at first. But I thought about it for a while, and I decided to go ahead. I love him more than anything, and I'm so happy, and so proud that I'm going to be his wife. At first I thought I was just a wierdo or something, but I feel a lot better now, like it's ok to be happy. I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life.

But I guess I would like some advice on something. He told me I didn't have to tell anyone, that we could keep it between us. My mom already knows, and so do my sisters-cause well, that's who you tell when you're getting married. But I guess I just don't want to tell the rest of my family until he comes home and we can have a real wedding. I mean, a couple of them would be pretty ok with it, but theres part of my family that are just jerks. They're real uptight and high-strung. It's not because I'm embarrassed of him, I just want him to have a fair chance. I'm afraid they'll judge him on the sins of his past, instead of his character, and he doesn't deserve that. I don't care if they know, I just want them to meet him first, and get to know him without passing judgement.

Does any of this make sense, or should I just not care and tell everyone?

I can only share what I did for my wedding announcement, or I should say non announcement.

I have very little family alive, however, for the most part, I knew there would be problems, so I chose only to tell one family member and she was my witness at the wedding.

That was over four years ago and I haven't regretted it since.

I feel like you do, I want people to judge him on his own merits when he is released. I want them to see how he treats me and how he conducts his life in the free world.

I am not ashamed of him in any way, shape or form, however, society as a whole has a negative attitude toward inmates and my family are no exception.

His family however are all aware that he is married and his parents were able to be a part of the ceremony. They couldn't be happier.

I think you have got to do what the two of you feel is in your best interest.

I wish you all the best and glad you found PTO.

jstar+184475 · #**102** 09-20-2005, 01:17 PM

Thanx 2 all of u who are sharing, i'm getting married soon too, and am pretty nervous, but also super excited! It's good to know none of us are crazy for going through the things we go through....the things that are done for love huh?

texaswoman832 · #**103** 09-20-2005, 01:36 PM

Thanks!

I would just much rather keep it private. I feel like it's his information to share, and it really doesn't mean anything. He's not a bad guy, he's not violent, and he would never hurt me. I feel like people assume the worst when they find out, like they assume he's some drunk or drug addict who's gonna hurt me, phisically and emotionally, and that's just not the case. He was young and made some mistakes, and he's paying for them. It really hurts to think people would treat him differently, or not give him a chance because of his past. But I know my family, and the ones who don't know already, wouldn't be ok with it. I know what a great person he is, and that they would all love him to pieces, but if they knew, they wouldn't even give him a chance.

He said it was up to me, and that he didn't care either way. That he wouldn't be upset if I didn't tell anyone until after we had a proper wedding, and after reading these posts, I think that's what I'm going to do. I guess I just thought it would make me seem ashamed of him, and I don't want it to come across like that. I guess I should stop worrying about what other people think.

Thanks for the reply, this is my first day on this, and I already feel so much better.

RMD4EVER · #**104** 09-20-2005, 04:28 PM

congrads And Many Years Of Happiness To You All Who Have Or Is About To Get Married When A Person Can Truly Love Unconditionally Then You Know Its Real God Bless And Have A Good Day Do Whatever Your Heart Feels And Dont Worry About What Anyone Thinks Live Your Life For You Just Think Of All The Problems We Would Have If We Let Others Live For Us

cyndi34 · #**105** 10-18-2005, 09:13 AM

this is something that has been on my mind ever since we've been talking about marriage.could I deal with a lonely wedding night? I think so.

thanks for sharing...

texaswoman832 · #**106** 10-18-2005, 09:32 AM

I just wanted to thank you guys again, and give you an update. I've got all the paper work taken care of, and am all set to get married. I'm really excited about it. My fiance was moved to Dawson in Dallas, and we finally got a contact visit, after not being able to touch each other for over a year. The last time I was able to kiss him was at his parents, on 4th of July in '04. I was so happy, and it just reaffirmed everything.

Thanks again, it's nice to be able to read what you guys have to say, it makes me feel more sane, and less alone.

t_real_ismine · #**107** 10-24-2005, 05:02 PM

Can someone please help me out me and my fiancee are trying to get married. He is currently incarcerated in Lee County in Bishopville if someone has any ideals please help me thanx

t_real_ismine · #**108** 10-24-2005, 05:10 PM

My boyfriend and I are trying to get married.

He is currently incarcerated in Lee County, Bishopville is there a way for us to get married in South Carolina? If so, can someone please help me out.

kikib81105 · #**109** 10-24-2005, 08:27 PM

Thanks for letting me know what to expect, my fiance and I have been thinking about it, and then getting remarried when he got out. I still am going to think about it since he is now on an 11 month defer, i think i can wait.

raeannii · #**110** 10-25-2005, 07:02 AM

Wait if you can because it can be costly. Save the money for the big one!

RMD4EVER · #**111** 10-25-2005, 09:35 AM

texas Woman Congrads To You Both Im Happy For You God Bless And Many Years Of Love And Happiness Always Keep God In Your Marriage And Life And For All Of Those Interested Theres A Petition For Conjugal Visits For All The Us Prisons Under Petition On The Main Page Here At Pto Check It Out Cause I Sure Could Use One Of Them Right About Now Lol And Since Texas Is Not A State That Allows That Maybe One Day Soon They Will,,,,, Keep The Faith And Congrads To All Those Married And Or Getting Married,,,,, T Check Out Under The States On Main Pto Page South Carolina There You May Find What Your Looking For

Valentine4ever · #**112** 10-25-2005, 08:31 PM

now to say what i came here to say....i've been with my man nine yrs and we got married in may.....for me it was a mixture of joy and sadness!!!!!! its a confliction.....its sad that i come home day and day out and my husband is not there!!!! i can't touch him...i can't see him...i can't talk to him!!!! its not an easy thing weather your married or not!!!!!! but the fact is that i love him and he's worth it!!!!!

InLuvWithD · #**113** 10-25-2005, 08:48 PM

cmhurd I agree with you...i don't regret it one bit.. I would love to have him home with me, who wouldn't. I just think it's sad that people have to come on here and make other people feel like shit, everyone has their opinion but should probably keep it to themselves

I personally love all the support I get from everyone on here...

MsAloha1018 · #**114** 10-27-2005, 01:06 AM

Okay, folks...let's keep it cool and keep it calm here. Let's have a refresher of the PTO policies:

Quote:

• PTO Community Purpose:
The purpose of the Prison Talk Online community is Prisoner & Family Support, Information and Assistance. While we welcome people with other view points seeking to learn more, anything beyond friendly questions will NOT be tolerated. PTO is not a forum open to debating whether or not anyone should be in prison, should prisoners and their families have rights, etc. Anyone who is hostile to our purpose will be immediately blocked from the community and all of their posts will be deleted. This will be the ONLY WARNING and no notice will be given.

• “Freedom of Speech”:
While we believe very much in the freedom of speech & expression, you DO NOT have an absolute right to say whatever you want in this community. Anything that goes against our core beliefs and the purpose for which this community was designed may not be allowed. Posts and comments that are meant to incite conflicts between members or outside parties are strictly prohibited. PTO Administration has the absolute right to edit, modify, close or delete any content found in this community. While this rarely, if ever happens, we will not tolerate individuals or groups creating problems with the overall membership.

Here's the link which is a MUST READ for members:

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23755

Any questions please feel free to Private Message either myself or another moderator.

Now...let's get back to the main topic of this thread.

queenwdg · #**115** 10-27-2005, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InLuvWithD

cmhurd I agree with you...i don't regret it one bit.. I would love to have him home with me, who wouldn't. I just think it's sad that people have to come on here and make other people feel like shit, everyone has their opinion but should probably keep it to themselves

I personally love all the support I get from everyone on here...

Hi,

How can I become a member of the 2009 club, that is my fiancee' ERD. I see that a lot on the boards and I think it is awesome to acknowledge when your man is coming home. I am sitting here reading these wonderful letters trying to keep from crying. I want so bad to marry my finacee', but he is adament about waiting, he doesn't want the memories of a prison wedding. We are officially getting engaged the first of the year and sending out anouncements. I am scared because so far its just been me him, my best friend and a few other people. But his whole family will know in January, and his family all but his mother does not think we should be together. We have been together for 3yrs and its still strong.

So I applaud all the women who are engaged or are married. I smile for you and inside smile for me. PTO is very therapuetic. To be honest, I started up to bed to get some sleep because I have been on here 'til the early morning hours since I discovered it. I've never seen this mcuh support and its overwhelming. But I love it

Valentine4ever · #**116** 10-28-2005, 05:35 PM

hi queen
that was such a beautiful thought i had to commit....but i hope that your wedding is as beautiful and magical as you have always dreamed it would be!!!!!

queenwdg · #**117** 10-28-2005, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmhurd

hi queen
that was such a beautiful thought i had to commit....but i hope that your wedding is as beautiful and magical as you have always dreamed it would be!!!!!

I hope that it is as good as I dream also. Not a day goes by that I don't imagine what it will be like. I told him that is is going to have to he the strong one because if left up to me we would have been married.:love:

ShaadGyrl · #**118** 11-05-2005, 02:50 PM

I am in Houston and my man is locked up in Iowa Park at James Allred.We are trying to get married and I cannot get access to his social security number. Can anyone help me get some info on access to an inmates social security number if he doesn't know it by heart. We are trying to fill out the paperwork for marriage, but we are at a slump? HELP ME PLEASE, ESPECIALLY THOSE IN THE TEXAS.........

ekate · #**119** 11-06-2005, 11:42 PM

Gyrl Sorry I Cant Help There Is Got To Prison Marriages And Look Up Your State I Cannot Help I Was Married In Cali
Love Elizabeth
Best Of Luck

Sidsgirl · #**120** 11-08-2005, 08:16 PM

can a lifer have family visits in california

Nell · #**121** 11-10-2005, 03:45 PM

Hi all, I am new to PTO. I started writting to a couple of inmates some time ago, through a prison pel pals site, which opened up a whole new world to me, their letters bring me great joy and I am happy I can do the same for them. I have developed a special bond with one in particular and we also started having phone calls, although not too often because of the reverse charge between the USA and Australia. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with this man and I had to make a trip over to the USA just to visit with him. As soon as he walked into visiting and we set eyes on each other we just knew we had found our soulmates and just held each other until we were told to break it up (probably a good thing). We had a wonderful few days together and at the end of it he asked me to marry him which I said yes to. Next week he has an appointment with the chaplain to go through the necessary paperwork. We plan to be married in June 06 with him due for release in Feb 07, during that time the plan is for me to get my green card, sell up and finalise things here and then be at the gate in Feb ready to start our new life together. The only problem I have is how to tell my family. They know I went to the USA to visit a pen pal but they have no idea he is in prison and I plan to marry him and move over. He cannot come to Australia because of his record.

pelirojo · #**122** 11-21-2005, 07:51 AM

Hi,I am considering getting married to somenoe in prison, how do you go about getting approval? If any one can help, thanks.

Chris'sbabygurl · #**123** 11-27-2005, 09:15 PM

My fiancee wants to get married as soon as he gets transfered, right now he's in Jackson, waiting for a transfer. I wasn't sure about it just yet because I knew it would be hard being that he's supposed to be there for a long time, but now readin your post and all the replies I'm sure that I want to do it. thanks!!
--Sami Jo

DEERED · #**124** 12-24-2005, 08:09 PM

i'm waiting to get married . i will use your idea,my honey will love the idea of written in details.

only4Gerald · #**125** 01-03-2006, 06:51 AM

I will be getting married this month in KY at USP Big Sandy. Currently waiting for the date from them but they confirmed that it will be this month. I AM SOOO EXCITED.

I followed the suggestion by the other poster who suggested the letters to be written and read on our wedding night (awesome idea)

I am very sad that I won't be able to spend any private time with him but I've gotten used to it over the years although I know this is a NEW sadness I will endure.

My family don't know about my plans and won't know until 1 year before he comes home (he has 3 more to go total) and I don't mind because I can already predict what they are going to say if I say anything to them before hand. My mother is an old schooler who believes what society tells her so I have no regrets of not telling her or my dad.