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HazelEyez305 · #51 07-24-2011, 04:43 PM

just a quick question... i'm curious....

freedomhappens : how did you by chance become pen-pals with this particular inmate? Was it through a website or a mutual friend?

freedomhappens · #52 07-24-2011, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wonderz

Wait a minute? If this wasn't "you" than sorry I'm not trying to be rude but why were getting a little defensive??? I read a lot of your responses and you always mention "I" and not anyone else? hmmmmmm. . . . .

Lol... Testy testy... No seriously I am in no way defensive. I simply encouraged others to read what I've said and respond to that instead of things I didn't actually say. I answer from my own perspective because that's all I can do.

Tuesday123 · #53 07-24-2011, 04:49 PM

I read her original post that she edited. Not sure what was added or removed.

I just going to "assume". That she was very careful about how she worded her post so as not to seem as if this is OK with her, but just OK with her friend and wanted to see what others had to say.

Now that others have given their two cents,,,,,,,,,, instead of just hearing people say "its not a good idea" "I wouldnt be OK with it and I would ,,,,,,,,,, if I found out" Her responses have lead me to believe they weren't the answers she was looking for.

If there weren't ulterior motives she would have just agreed and let it go. Chalked it up to her friends crazy comment.

JMHO

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelEyez305

just a quick question... i'm curious....

freedomhappens : how did you by chance become pen-pals with this particular inmate? Was it through a website or a mutual friend?

freedomhappens · #54 07-24-2011, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rickysgrl

I think she meant the thread itself was to discuss the question not the personal situation.

I think...

You are correct. Not once have I been nasty of unwilling to answer anything. I just found the response she gave to me interesting and wanted to get others take on it. I know to not give background on how conversations start next time. I will just ask the question instead. Lol

baby_ bird · #55 07-24-2011, 04:52 PM

Nope a guy with a girlfriend is NOT fair game, it's dissrespecrful in my opinion. I wouldn't do it and wouldn't want it done to me.

akaptrosa · #56 07-24-2011, 04:57 PM

Do you take your dates around your friend?

There are many women who feel practically everyone is fair game for them. I've heard so many women justify having affairs with married men, it makes me sick! They are usually the type who believe it's all about them and what they can get. (Self absorbed and very low self esteem is what it boils down to.) It's like a high to steal another woman's man for this personality type, however, what they don't realize is that the man they are "stealing" is usually not worth it. There are many women who share their man (against their wishes of course) but will continue to allow him to simply bounce back and forth between the two of them. I've seen several people do this for SEVERAL years. It's a lifestyle. It's filled with highs and lows. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a man who was easily swayed. Maybe a lil off topic, but that could be exactly the direction you are headed in if you want to pursue another woman's boyfriend.

If another woman wants to make advances at my man, I say, let her go for it. If he ends up with her, then I'll just be singing my heart out to Beyonce's "Best thing I never had".

MrsCetina · #57 07-24-2011, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freedomhappens

Was just talking with a friend about my friend and she keeps encouraging me to tell him how I feel. Thing is I just found out after 2 months of writing he has a girlfriend. I told my friend this and she shrugged and said until he's married he is fair game. What do you think?

i think if a guy has a girlfriend, he is off limits. its still a relationship that should be respected, even though its not as serious as being married.

freedomhappens · #58 07-24-2011, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lil_athena

I read her original post that she edited. Not sure what was added or removed.

I just going to "assume". That she was very careful about how she worded her post so as not to seem as if this is OK with her, but just OK with her friend and wanted to see what others had to say.

Now that others have given their two cents,,,,,,,,,, instead of just hearing people say "its not a good idea" "I wouldnt be OK with it and I would ,,,,,,,,,, if I found out" Her responses have lead me to believe they weren't the answers she was looking for.

If there weren't ulterior motives she would have just agreed and let it go. Chalked it up to her friends crazy comment.

JMHO

I corrected the spelling of a word. I don't do group think and neither do I live my life based on what others think. Therefore, I would have no need to adjust my thoughts. I asked a simple question and either you agree or you don't. Stop looking for more when there is nothing more.

Miss_A · #59 07-24-2011, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freedomhappens

Please stop responding to things I never wrote.

I misread your post. My bad.

With that said, it sounds to me like your friend has zero respect for other people's relationshps.

Margmelon · #60 07-24-2011, 05:05 PM

Personally ive been on your side of the road and on the other. I dont agree with your friend and I wouldnt tell him how you feel...not just yet anyways but I dont feel its bad your writing to him if u guys have known each other for a while (before being lock up).

On the other hand telling him how you feel could complicate things. But to answer your Q no a guy in a relationship isnt fair game.

I would suggest just being friends and nothing more for now.

freedomhappens · #61 07-24-2011, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelEyez305

just a quick question... i'm curious....

freedomhappens : how did you by chance become pen-pals with this particular inmate? Was it through a website or a mutual friend?

Neither. I wrote stemming from an article I saw about him and his conviction and sentence.

Tuesday123 · #62 07-24-2011, 05:06 PM

I made it clear they were my thoughts and my thoughts alone regarding your post.

You asked for opinions, I gave mine.

I just don't understand that if this is your friends way of thinking and NOT yours, why you are in such an uproar?

You brought up something that has hit a button with alot of people, so they responded how it would make them feel. If you dont plan on doing it, calm down.

Quote:

Originally Posted by freedomhappens

I corrected the spelling of a word. I don't do group think and neither do I live my life based on what others think. Therefore, I would have no need to adjust my thoughts. I asked a simple question and either you agree or you don't. Stop looking for more when there is nothing more.

CPastrano87 · #63 07-24-2011, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freedomhappens

Thanks for well articulated, level headed, and non-personal response. It's like you actually read what i wrote and responded instead of getting emotional. BTW this wasn't about me it was just about how people feel in general about her stance.

Okay, I don't believe that this is NOT about you.. if it was "in general" as you say... there would be no mention of YOU at all.. lol. I agree with the other girl, this should have been taken to the "pen pal" forum if that's all it really is. We are serious about our relationships here. And ur friend sounds like a dumbass.. that's my answer.

**Onedaycloser13** · #64 07-24-2011, 05:10 PM

Please answer the OP. If you have answered and have nothing else constructive to say, move on! Back and forth bickering is not going to be tolerated. Thanks!

Fancy · #65 07-24-2011, 05:16 PM

My thoughts...

I am wondering why he is writing a female when he has a girlfriend?

I am thinking "does the girlfriend know he has female penpals?"

I am thinking if his girlfriend was supplying all his needs he would not be reaching out to other females.

Maybe he has given his girlfriend a good reason to be a little distant if she is.

I am a little distant with my hubby as I am pissed he is in the pokey again, maybe the girlfriend has similar feelings. I never write him however, he does not have other females writing him that I know of....

I am thinking that if you two truly do have feelings for each other then maybe someone should tell the girlfriend as I am sure she would love to know.

The grass can look real pretty from one side of the fence.

freedomhappens · #66 07-24-2011, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelEyez305

Understand, you posted your question and poll under the "husbands and boyfriends in prison" forum... meaning, the responses you received are going to be from the wives, fiances, and girlfriends... who are undoubtedly and justifiably passionate about how they/we feel about such a matter.

If you were looking for more "pen-pal friendly" responses, you probably should have posted under the "pen-pals" forum, where perhaps someone would have been more sympathetic or understanding of your dilemma. I think I speak for most of us when we say...

HE IS OFF-LIMITS. point, blank, period. And we have our reasons for saying so, which you've read. I didn't see anyone being nasty towards you, but none of us take too kindly to the idea of someone writing our man and developing feelings. Any woman I know, will more than likely start expressing those feelings, even in the most subtle way before actually reaching out to a friend for advice. I can't help but wonder if that were the case, and you spoke to your friend because he mentioned his girlfriend after some subtle comments were made in letters between the two of you.

This is the group you brought your question to... a group of women who are emotionally involved with their men, and will be very passionate in the answers they provide you. If you can't take the heat, get out the kitchen. ijs.

It was asked here because it was about boyfriends and not pen pals and I wasn't looking for particular response. It may be hard to believe, but relationships are started in various ways. This group of women is diverse and so answers will reflect that. There have also been several women who have answered the question without taking it personally or getting emotional and i am sure they love their men just as much as everyone else.

SouthernGyrl · #67 07-24-2011, 05:58 PM

Anyone in a committed relationship is off limits in my opinion. If/when a person feels they are no longer being satisfied by their significant other, then they need to leave.

On a side note, I can't believe how extreme some of you are getting in response to a question. It's actually pretty sad that you can't have an adult conversation with grown women.

elishaxo · #68 07-24-2011, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ceci

I understand where some of the ladies are coming from this is a forum full of girlfriends and wives and the way "the friend" thinks makes it seem like our relationships dont matter because we don't have a piece of paper making it 'official' and I'm sure alot of the women are placing themselves in the girlfriends shoes thinking about how they would feel if it was them. And I really can't help but think this was made just to get a rise out of people it doesn't take a rocket science to know that if you ask a forum full of a girlfriends if its ok for someone to go after a taken man just because he isn't married people are gonna get upset.

I agree completely.

**Onedaycloser13** · #69 07-24-2011, 07:40 PM

One more time, this threads question is a man with a girlfriend fair game...not whether it is right or wrong. I am going to say it one more time, if you have answered the OP move on to another thread!

coleman8 · #70 07-24-2011, 07:47 PM

I am sorry but I do know this for sure that if my soon to be husband started talking to some other female I would consider that cheating and I would be gone. So I guess my answer is yes a man is off limits when he is with a female and not married. What happened to respect, for real?!?!?!?!?

ralphiesbaby · #71 07-24-2011, 08:13 PM

I was responding to your statement that your parents did it . But its wrong period.

Quote:

Originally Posted by freedomhappens

The statement was made in response to people saying relationships like that don't last. Please show me where I said anything was right or wrong. It was also in response as to whether I would marry him immediately and my answer was I would marry someone LIKE him. Please read for understanding if you are going to address me concerning my personal statements.

hisbabyny · #72 07-24-2011, 09:25 PM

Hells NO!!!!!! A man with a girlfriend AINT fair game!!!!!

**tee.dot.q** · #73 07-24-2011, 09:27 PM

Look, I think Onedaycloser has already asked nicely TWICE. That's twice more than I would have.

Any further bickering is going to be dealt with swiftly - Quit it now, period.

caseylanet08 · #74 07-24-2011, 09:30 PM

No hes not. If you need reassurance that hes fair game from anybody other than yourself you can safely assume that hes not. best wishes though.

IsItJulyYet?! · #75 07-24-2011, 10:06 PM

Well, I wouldn't but hey, if I were the girlfriend-- & with my own boyfriend, my take is
"if you can get him, you can have him"
Know what I mean?