Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

xmyheart · #26 12-04-2011, 03:15 PM

I give trust in the beginning, because with me, everyone starts out with a clean slate. As time goes by, it is the actions that are done that determine whether trust is lost or more is gained!!!

When trust is lost it's kind of hard to get back...but not impossible. With time, it can be regained...but with scars left behind

Klewis · #27 03-24-2012, 10:31 PM

I don't get close to a lot of people, so I will use my Fiance' for an example. When we first started talking, I made him earn my trust for the simple fact I know I had did him wrong in the past, so I thought he was looking for revenge. When it comes to females I do not trust them at all, the ones I have dealt with has always had an motive for the reason they was trying to befriend me. I have about 4 good friends and they are only my good friends because I either hardly see them or they do not live in the same state as me.

tyreens_wifey79 · #28 03-24-2012, 10:48 PM

I trust until proven wrong.

countryzgirl · #29 03-26-2012, 12:00 AM

You gotta earn it from me.

MsStamp · #30 03-26-2012, 05:37 AM

Interesting question. I trust people, until they either break my trust, or I think they have. Even the slightest feeling they might have betrayed me, and I cut them loose, and usually without telling them. Its caused a lot of hassle (eg police being called as someone thought I was missing), but I'm of the opinion that if you do something to betray me, then I don't owe you anything at all.

Luv2012 · #31 03-26-2012, 06:15 AM

stressed out before I got with my fiancé I told him I have trust issues he acted like it was ok but now he starting to not be happy with me..

utahndolce · #32 03-26-2012, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drinkwater

Interesting question. I trust people, until they either break my trust, or I think they have. Even the slightest feeling they might have betrayed me, and I cut them loose, and usually without telling them. Its caused a lot of hassle (eg police being called as someone thought I was missing), but I'm of the opinion that if you do something to betray me, then I don't owe you anything at all.

Drinkwater I'm exactly like you, you took the words out of my mouth!

spot on

mrs.beautifly1 · #33 03-26-2012, 10:15 AM

i give trust from the beginning til they prove me wrong.. it hasnt always been like that for me .. before o met my man i didnt trust nobody especially women .. but as time went by i met my fiance and from the very start i trusted him .. it was within me that it jux came naturally for him. i do have maybe 1 real good grlfriend

qpwings · #34 03-27-2012, 08:40 AM

Usually i trust till i am given reason not to. Of course there are a few people that you know from the minute they open their mouth and the red flags come flying out !!

jessica12 · #35 04-02-2012, 01:49 PM

..trust is like a mirror - once its broken, its never seen the same again and no matter how hard you try to put it back together, the cracks will always show.

I trust my babe, my friends and family. I have been done wrong by a few but that is not a reason not to trust anyone else. You can't live your life with a fear of getting hurt. Everyone is an individual with a different heart and motives.

HiZ*BaByGiRl · #36 04-02-2012, 03:02 PM

I don't trust anyone until they earn it. Someone new in your life...you don't know them, their past, their heart, or their character...so how do you know if what they say is real? You don't. The way I see it, is if the person is real and sincere, they have no problem proving themselves because they have nothing to hide. My honey knows i'm sceptical and is says he understands and is willing to prove everything he says...that makes me trust him. In a short 4 months, we will find out!

tearfallzbreak · #37 04-02-2012, 08:19 PM

I trust until proven wrong as well....

~Christina~ · #38 04-19-2012, 10:58 PM

for me it depends on the situation. you can't just go and trust every one up front. i try to give people in my life and new friends etc., trust up front until they prove they don't deserve it. mostly i go by my gut reactions to people and situations.

Jryder · #39 04-20-2012, 10:50 PM

I am very cautious. I pay attention to everything he says and every little detail. I watch my back. We have just started our relationship and I have to be realistic and know that afterall I don't know this person from Eve. I have told him that honesty was paramount and he said he is 100% on board with that, so we have had that talk already and he understands that lack of honesty will cause him to instantly lose me.

So far he has been honest, answering all my questions (and there were MANY MANY), even the most personal ones, and because I know more about him than he knows, it has allowed me to double check some of his answers and I have found them, so far to be 100% accurate. So so far no red flags.

Overtime, as he earns my trust, I will relax more but for now I feel it necessary, for my own good and my own protection, to remain very vigilent and watch my back... When you meet someone from a penpal website, and have never met their family, don't have common friends who can vouch for them, did not know them before they got locked up, or anything, you are taking a huge chance. So you have to be careful.

Psychocandy · #40 06-22-2012, 05:57 AM

I trust people till they give me reason not to...then I remove them from my life forever no second chances with me.

RubyRed77 · #41 06-22-2012, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FastCarGirl

I know what you mean. My guy isn't one to play games and wax poetic about how hard he has it and what he doesn't have, if he wants something, he asks. I feel like I'm in a real relationship, and in a real relationship we'd be able to talk about finances and needs and wants and I had to figure out that "I'm just being used" feeling anytime the topic of money came up was my issue. My situation's a little different, I used to work there so I saw the kind of mail he was getting and I've met and experienced the craziness of some of his family and I've seen and eaten the food and I have first-hand experience with his situation. But even with that knowing, it's hard not to sometimes wonder.

On the flip side to that, his trust issue came from being cheated on in the past. So he had to realize that was his issue, and I would listen and I would be respectful of his feelings, but I wouldn't stop seeing my friends and doing things with people of either sex. I'm someone who doesn't care if somebody crashed out on my couch, he asked me to have no roommates until he got out and I agreed, but just like we're not really going to be sure if we were scammed or not until they get out, they really have no way of knowing if we're not writing other dudes or sleeping around until they get out. It goes both ways. If they are sincere and mean what they say and are committed to the relationship and making it work, they'd be just as hurt if we acted in shady ways as we are when they do.

It's normal to have the occasional feeling of doubt or "what if"...but where it gets unhealthy is when we irrationally act on it out of fear and become controlling, on either side of the fence, if that makes any sense.

I so needed this today, your words make complete sense. Im so emotional today with these trust issues, he gives me absolutely no reason to not trust him BUT I can't help but fill my head up with the what if's or doubts, I need to stop that, I can tell he also wants me to quit thinking "like that". Im a controlling person, emotionally. I crave love & affection and when I don't get it, I start with the what ifs and irrational thoughts. Sorry to go on & on. Just one of them days....

I love me some him..

Just Jen · #42 06-22-2012, 06:18 PM

I am somewhere between giving trust from the beginning until it is broken and making someone earn trust. I do give a certain amount of trust right off the bat, but it's like an opening balance in a bank account. It's enough for the account to be in good standing, but not so plentiful that it can buy a lot. Where the account goes from there, into the positive or negative, depends on their treatment of me.

BrandonsBabe · #43 06-23-2012, 01:06 PM

Trust has to be earned with me, and that's never caused a problem with my relationships because I won't be with someone unless we're friends first, and I trust my friends.

His Future · #44 06-23-2012, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by qpwings

Usually i trust till i am given reason not to. Of course there are a few people that you know from the minute they open their mouth and the red flags come flying out !!

Exactly wat I was going to say

rainweaver2002 · #45 07-03-2012, 08:12 PM

I trust someone until they break it. If they break it, depending on what happened, I'll either forgive them and let them earn their trust or I just say good-bye.

Lily Blaise · #46 07-03-2012, 11:45 PM

I trust freely, but I'm always cautious. I think for me, trusting others is subject to and based on how the other person relates to me and others, either directly or indirectly. Basically it depends on whether or not they make a trustworthy impression and I'm probably always evaluating and re-evaluation this as circumstances and experiences change. The interesting thing about trust is that it can take a lifetime to gain, yet it can be broken in an instant.

bernienerica · #47 07-05-2012, 02:37 PM

I am having a dilemma

that involves a trust issue... Here's my story... I have been with my MWI bf for 7 months now knowing him for almost a year. I have had trust issues from the gate from my past relationship.. to make things short He mentioned he had a friend that she was one of the only people from his neighborhood he kept in touch with over the years of being incarcerrated. recently i looked her up on facebook and noticed that she wore glasses.. he asked me for a picture wearing glasses several times in the past and recently after looking her up it made me suspicious. Like why would he want a picture of me with glasses? is it because he wants me to look like her? were they more than friends? i asked him to send me a letter that she wrote him to see for myself what they talked about and he responded with i dont have any letter besides yours.. What would you think if u were in my shoes?

Psychocandy · #48 07-06-2012, 03:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernienerica

I am having a dilemma

that involves a trust issue... Here's my story... I have been with my MWI bf for 7 months now knowing him for almost a year. I have had trust issues from the gate from my past relationship.. to make things short He mentioned he had a friend that she was one of the only people from his neighborhood he kept in touch with over the years of being incarcerrated. recently i looked her up on facebook and noticed that she wore glasses.. he asked me for a picture wearing glasses several times in the past and recently after looking her up it made me suspicious. Like why would he want a picture of me with glasses? is it because he wants me to look like her? were they more than friends? i asked him to send me a letter that she wrote him to see for myself what they talked about and he responded with i dont have any letter besides yours.. What would you think if u were in my shoes?

Personally I wouldnt think anything other than be happy someone cared enough about him to keep in touch. As for the glasses thing I havent got a clue Richie asked for a picture of me wearing a sexy nurses uniform Im not a nurse its just one of his kinks it didnt send me into a tizz though.
Relax and enjoy your relationship.

**Anjewel** · #49 07-06-2012, 08:45 AM

If she 'keeps in contact' with him then either they only talk on the phone and visit or he's lying. Simple as that.
Now, he could have lost his property thereby losing letters...but he can send you the next one that he gets. However, if you press him and he's already put you off...don't be surprised if he pays someone inside to write him a bogus one to send to you, naturally saying what he wants it to.
You'd be surprised how crafty ANYONE can get if they feel they are backed in a corner.

bernienerica · #50 07-07-2012, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psychocandy

Personally I wouldnt think anything other than be happy someone cared enough about him to keep in touch. As for the glasses thing I havent got a clue Richie asked for a picture of me wearing a sexy nurses uniform Im not a nurse its just one of his kinks it didnt send me into a tizz though.
Relax and enjoy your relationship.

Thanks for the advice..