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LordHelp · #1 08-09-2011, 12:31 PM

Several threads in this section have talked about "standing up for yourself" when you get to prison, such as:

"People may test you to see if you'll stand up for yourself. Be prepared to stand up for yourself. You'll only have to do it once. But it's not a situation that comes up for everyone..."

Can someone elaborate on what this may mean? In what sort of situations might this come up? What exactly is expected of one to "stand up" for oneself? I mean, is this just an attitude, or something verbal, or physical such as getting into a fight, or what?

Any feedback would be most appreciated. Thanks!

tucsonaz · #2 08-11-2011, 02:14 PM

To put it simply- do not let people walk over you. If I approached to you on the street and asked you to give me your watch, would you give it to me? Probably not. But in prison, because of the climate of fear, you might be tempted to hand it to me because you are scared of what I might do to you since you cannot call 911.

Now- do not believe the people that say [and these people tend to be individuals that have not ever stepped foot in a jail/prison by the way] that you have to find the biggest guy and attack him as supposedly that even if you lose the fight [which you will] that you will be gaining respect from the rest of the inmates. I can tell you right now that there are a couple of reasons why you should not do this:

- One; you might die or get seriously injured from picking up on the 'biggest dude'
- Two; if you live to tell the tale, chances are now you got enemies, which nobody wants in prison
- Three; You have brought attention to yourself when you could have quietly served your time
- Four; and most importanly; now everybody knows your physical strength...in other words, if you get your ass beaten in public..especially if you can't fight...now everybody knows your weakness.

So again, only stand up for yourself when you cannot get out of it..somebody try to get your commissary- stand up for yourself..somebody steal your laundry, get it back- but don't go trying to make yourself look like Mike Tyson, coz there aint no glory up in there

LordHelp · #3 08-11-2011, 02:46 PM

Thanks tucsonaz--when you're an older small guy it could become intimidating... it would be hard indeed to make myself look like Mike Tyson lol! Would never attempt to take on a big dude.

Thanks for the info.

ned · #4 08-11-2011, 05:18 PM

Just like anywhere else there is no one way to do something. It depends on who you are. My LO learned real fast that genuine respect will take you pretty far with other inmates as well as CO's. Not being insincere and sucking up to people, or trying to get people to accept you, but treating people the way you want to be treated. Most people just want to do their time in peace and those that don't can be avoided with some effort. I'm making it sound simple and it's not and of course I'm sure I don't hear everything, but I'm in very close contact and it's worked pretty well for my LO who is definitely no Mike Tyson. Millions are going through this as we speak it can be managed. Stay strong.

LordHelp · #5 08-11-2011, 09:07 PM

Thanks ned--I appreciate your wise comments, and your encouragement.

tucsonaz · #6 08-12-2011, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordHelp

Thanks tucsonaz--when you're an older small guy it could become intimidating... it would be hard indeed to make myself look like Mike Tyson lol! Would never attempt to take on a big dude.

Thanks for the info.

You would be surprised how many times I saw people attempt that..and the sad thing is they would always try to antagonize the person who would never have harmed them in the first place.

I blame Hollywood-- Too many inmates come in (especially the younger ones) with a 'gladiator school' image in their heads and end up getting checked real fast. When I tell people that I only got into one fight the whole time I was in (and it wasn't even something personal- one of those situations where you find yourself in a situation created by others)- people don't believe me: They would rather believe what they saw in a movie.

Personally this annoys me because that is why ex felons are always discriminated against upon release- because everyone has this image of violent, psychopathic, unrepentant criminal when the reality is the majority of people in there just wanna get the hell out and not go back

LordHelp · #7 08-12-2011, 01:37 PM

I can't imagine trying to intimidate anyone. I just want to be myself and avoid any confrontations. But I guess that also means not being a doormat. I expect some verbal abuse but when it comes to whatever little possessions I might have (canteen stuff, Bible, clothes), they're mine. I don't want to get into a fight (not a good fighter, and would want to avoid breaking the prison rules) but it's worth risking it to keep what's mine. Or at least attempt to keep it.

I hear ya about the false images people have based on movies, TV etc. and the discrimination that comes out of it. I've seen that first-hand, not only with ex-cons but also with Native Americans. Thing is, that's how prejudice comes about and sets up dividing walls between people. People are people, everyone makes mistakes, and jobs, housing, and even basic acceptance should be based on the individual, not on some preconceived idea of this being some kind of monster.

superlooper76 · #8 09-26-2011, 02:19 AM

Hey Bud not real sure what goes down in mississippi but in Texas they will check your heart as soon as you hit a unit. And it will likely be more than once by more than one at a time. And you can't run and you can't hide and most importantly you damn sure can't snitch. Win or lose you have to show heart, hell not many folks win when there is only one of you and more than one of them. If your a young guy and you hit a gladiator farm which they send most texas inmates under 25 with a number of more 3 too, its very important to mind your business and get down when its called for. Stay quiet and lowkey, dont feed into the gambling and grab ass that goes on and do not under any circumstances borrow or accept gifts. Its not gonna be easy at all, its not supposed to be hell we all earned our punishment but it doesnt have to be as bad as people make it either. Stick to what you believe and dont feed into anything you dont believe in.

LordHelp · #9 09-26-2011, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by superlooper76

Hey Bud not real sure what goes down in mississippi but in Texas they will check your heart as soon as you hit a unit. And it will likely be more than once by more than one at a time. And you can't run and you can't hide and most importantly you damn sure can't snitch. Win or lose you have to show heart, hell not many folks win when there is only one of you and more than one of them. If your a young guy and you hit a gladiator farm which they send most texas inmates under 25 with a number of more 3 too, its very important to mind your business and get down when its called for. Stay quiet and lowkey, dont feed into the gambling and grab ass that goes on and do not under any circumstances borrow or accept gifts. Its not gonna be easy at all, its not supposed to be hell we all earned our punishment but it doesnt have to be as bad as people make it either. Stick to what you believe and dont feed into anything you dont believe in.

Thanks for the great advice. I'm not a young guy... in fact, quite the opposite, and have health issues. I plan to quietly stand up for myself whenever necessary, but mind my own business and don't get involved in their games. I hear you loud and clear. Not a gambler, not into sexual (or power) games, won't accept gifts or borrow things. But I do believe I'll be a target because of my size, age and physical condition.

Now, that said, is it considered snitching if someone beats you up or steals your stuff and you report him? Or do you let him (or them) get away with it? Doesn't that set you up for further abuse?

DRUID1208 · #10 09-26-2011, 02:38 PM

yes it is if you get beet up and go to a co and say so and so did it even when the co that may be brakeing it up or anyone that ses who did this we just trying to help you do not say this person did it you say i not sher who it was or as the joke gos i fell just like you see a fight you dont go saying who is or was in that fight to a co you know how when your a kid and your mom or dad would say you deal with it thats what you got do in prsion now sometimes i hear you can drop a note or a kite but do not say this is tim seen mike do this or herd this you say herd such and such not your name at least even that can get tricky so best handel your owen that is one thing that is true in real prsion and movies snitchs rats they targets real fast and as some may put it if i take your stuff you dont let me just take it best way i can say it is like one man did on a show called lockup his nick name was snake if i take something from you or disrespect you or what ever you go get your self a knife and take care your bisnes wores to worse that is just stand your ground never be alone if can help it like if one man is peeing he have nuthing man wach out for him small things like that and yes it may mean you have to fight fist or with shanks but every one not looking to want to kill you less you did something rong i sher you be fine

superlooper76 · #11 09-27-2011, 06:55 AM

Some one is gonna test you no matter what you do or how you act, best thing is to just be prepared. And yes people are gonna try to take your stuff, it will be up to you to stop it. Generally your first week is the worst but do not worry it will get better if you defend yourself no matter what. If they knock you down then get up and fight more that will gain you more respect than you could ever imagine! You will never truly understand until you live through it and see it with your own eyes. DO NOT EVER GIVE THE CO'S A NAME FOR ANY OFFENSE AGAINST YOU OR THAT YOU WITNESS!!!! That will be the end of your chances to eventually do easy time, and after you show people your not a punk believe me it will be alot easier time. I know during your first month your gonna be hating life but just remember what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. And who know you may get to classification and they send you to a trusty farm or a minimum unit but please remember almost everything that happens in prison is "game" run by other inmates or co's to see what they can get over on you. So keep your head down, mind you business, do not be overly friendly with anyone, get into books and writing letters and exercise on your own. Eventually you will meet some guys who you have things in common and you can form a bond and watch eash others back just be really careful of who you choose to do that with. And once you find them you need to "ride with them until the wheels fall off." Watch there back as you would want them to do for you. Keep your head up bud you will see you will come out of it all right in the end. And if you do things and look at things the right way you will have your whole life ahead of you to make amends for your mistake.

LordHelp · #12 09-27-2011, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by superlooper76

Some one is gonna test you no matter what you do or how you act, best thing is to just be prepared. And yes people are gonna try to take your stuff, it will be up to you to stop it. Generally your first week is the worst but do not worry it will get better if you defend yourself no matter what. If they knock you down then get up and fight more that will gain you more respect than you could ever imagine! You will never truly understand until you live through it and see it with your own eyes. DO NOT EVER GIVE THE CO'S A NAME FOR ANY OFFENSE AGAINST YOU OR THAT YOU WITNESS!!!! That will be the end of your chances to eventually do easy time, and after you show people your not a punk believe me it will be alot easier time. I know during your first month your gonna be hating life but just remember what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. And who know you may get to classification and they send you to a trusty farm or a minimum unit but please remember almost everything that happens in prison is "game" run by other inmates or co's to see what they can get over on you. So keep your head down, mind you business, do not be overly friendly with anyone, get into books and writing letters and exercise on your own. Eventually you will meet some guys who you have things in common and you can form a bond and watch eash others back just be really careful of who you choose to do that with. And once you find them you need to "ride with them until the wheels fall off." Watch there back as you would want them to do for you. Keep your head up bud you will see you will come out of it all right in the end. And if you do things and look at things the right way you will have your whole life ahead of you to make amends for your mistake.

Thanks superlooper. I don't want to go looking for a fight... my physical condition makes that a real problem--basically wired together right now. But if I can get up after being knocked down, I will give it a go. Also, I'm already somewhat of a bookworm, so reading and writing letters and exercising on my own fits right in to who I am.

As for not telling COs any names, that's easy--my eyesight is so bad that I have a problem identifying people on a good day

.

I just plan to "be myself"--somewhat reserved and quiet at first until I get to know people better. What happens, happens. You said "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"--well, it's surely possible that it WILL kill me LOL.

danich · #13 10-05-2011, 01:57 PM

Others have largely covered it. Thought I'd throw my two cents in...

Do not gamble. No, just don't do it.
Do not borrow. Better to go on wanting whatever it is you don't have then to be in someone's debt.
Be polite and respectful. That doesn't mean you have to call everyone "Sir" but it does mean give them the minimal amount of respect you expect for yourself. Doesn't matter if you think the guy deserves your respect; he thinks he does.
Never snitch. Ever. Cops don't like snitches either so it's lose-lose all the wy around.
As bad as you may feel the need for friends, be wary of letting anyone too close. Then again, if you're too stand-offish it will be seen as a negative.
You said you are older: the prisoner perception is that an older guy coming in is a child molester. If this is true for you figure out a cover story now and talk to the prison administration about going to a prison with sex offender counseling; that way you're not outnumbered.
Mind your own business, don't gossip, don't repeat what you hear. You don't know nuttin' about nuttin'.
If you find yourself in a fight and can find no way to exit without looking weak, go ahead and swing. When you get knocked down, get back up and swing again. Doesn't matter that you're not Mike Tyson - most of the guys inside who will pull this on you are like schoolyard bullies: they're looking for weak prey. If you won't stop swinging you're more trouble than you're worth.
If someone wants to have gay sex with you start out with "I don't swing that way." Be ready for it to escalate but do not let your mouth make it worse (i.e. calling them fag, etc).
Overall the prison rules themselves aren't that hard to follow and it's nothing you don't already expect (with some exceptions). It's the inmate rules that can trip you up and they aren't written down anywhere.

LordHelp · #14 10-05-2011, 03:16 PM

Thanks, Danich! that is great advice.

With my medical issues, I'm told I will likely be in a medical unit, but you never know... it could also be in general population. I don't know what issues I may encounter in either environment. Too, it all starts out in a county jail and then moves to R&C in a seg unit and then wherever they place me.

As for seeking friends, I'm somewhat shy at first in a given situation... don't want to stand out but also don't want to be considered unfriendly and appear to be looking down my nose at others. I'm certainly not that way either. Hell, we're all in there for a reason, but we're all human beings too. I may not understand where a guy is coming from, but that doesn't mean he's unworthy of respect.

I plan to keep my head high but not arrogant and try to keep to myself at first, to scope things out. I suppose there might be someone who wants to show me the ropes and get acclimated quickly, which would be appreciated but not allow him to make me be beholding to him.

Straight · #15 10-19-2011, 11:50 AM

Simple - don't back down. Be respectful of others, and do not accept being disrespected.

LordHelp · #16 10-19-2011, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Straight

Simple - don't back down. Be respectful of others, and do not accept being disrespected.

Thanks, Straight. Now, about being disrespected: how do you "not accept" that without getting into a fight and risking being sent to the hole and having a mark on your record? Any suggestions as to how to respond to disrespectful behavior toward me that won't get me in further trouble, either with the COs or the other inmates? I want to try to make it through as cleanly as possible.