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UtterlyInsane · #1 08-11-2011, 11:49 AM

My boyfriend and I have been doing great the past couple of months and just had an amazing visit this past weekend. I felt more inlove than ever.

But last night for some reason I just started feeling mad at him. I started doubting him. What is he doesn't love me? What if he wouldn't support me if it were me instead of him? What is he leaves me when he gets out? What if he falls back into old habits and lands back in prison? Some little voice inside of me answered all of those questions with negative answers and then finally told me "Forget him. You should just go see and sleep with C" (this kid who has a huge crush on me and has been trying to get with me for months)

I brushed it off and went to bed. This morning I woke up so mad at my boyfriend. I felt like I'm tired of a one sided relationship. I put money on the phone, I write him all the letters and this week he's taken his sweet time to write me back which I guess hurts me even though he calls every other day. I just wanna blow up at him or not talk to him for awhile.

I know deep down he's not done anything wrong. I will probably get a letter from him tomorrow or Saturday. I also know I love him so much and sleeping with someone else would be a huge regret. But I hate feeling this way, I hate wanting to lash out on him. I guess it's all the pressure and things I hate about a prison relationship building up on me. We had such a great time Saturday and I miss him. I hate being separated from him. I hate not being able to kiss him when I want or feel his arms around me when I want. I hate being sexually frustrated and knowing I get nothing for another several years cuz he's the only man I want. I hate not hearing from him for days whether it be by mail or by phone. I hate communication costing money.

Is this normal to have these feelings? How can I cope and get rid of them? I just want him to hug me and tell me everything will be ok and that he loves me

AuDiE's WiFe · #2 08-11-2011, 12:19 PM

I can relate to your feeling girl. Its totally normal. I have those days too. I don't doubt my man when he gets out. But I sure get mad at him for doing this to us. You will have many ups and downs, remember that. You don't want to do anything during ur down that will make ur up never come.

shy · #3 08-11-2011, 12:46 PM

For me, when things are going well, I feel it must be too good to be true so I start trying to find stuff wrong before I feel I get my hopes up because with my luck, I am used to being let down.
But with the relationship I am in now, I tried to sabotage it. Then he asked me why I told him my fears and or concerns. Since then we have been good. He has been helping me through this as much as I have been helping him. I tell him my worries as they arise and then they don't become worries anymore.

LAyDii RiiDDLES · #4 08-11-2011, 01:08 PM

The anger you're feeling towards your boyfriend is absolutely normal. In fact, many of us who are in or have been in prison relationships can admit to being angry w| our significant other at one time or another, for what appears to be no apparent reason. we're human & we have our moments where we may question our current situations & at times our relationships but this too shall pass. Just be sure not to lash out on him because of something you THINK he'll do (ie. come home & go back, cheat, etc), when he comes home because that's unfair to him. & if you ever feel the need to 'step out' to satisfy your needs then by all means do whatever your heart desires but make sure you can live w| the consequences that may come w| whatever decisions you make. Goodluck girlie !!!

La Divina · #5 08-11-2011, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laydii riiddles

the anger you're feeling towards your boyfriend is absolutely normal. In fact, many of us who are in or have been in prison relationships can admit to being angry w| our significant other at one time or another, for what appears to be no apparent reason. We're human & we have our moments where we may question our current situations & at times our relationships but this too shall pass. Just be sure not to lash out on him because of something you think he'll do (ie. Come home & go back, cheat, etc), when he comes home because that's unfair to him. & if you ever feel the need to 'step out' to satisfy your needs then by all means do whatever your heart desires but make sure you can live w| the consequences that may come w| whatever decisions you make. Goodluck girlie !!!

ur advice was awesome

lilRose · #6 08-11-2011, 01:30 PM

...and not just once in a long time but very often. I guess its true, its not fair to lash out but its also true that a lot of b.s. it thrown upon US. I guess in the end its a simple choice. You either want it bad enough or you want to move on. Either choice comes with following it fully: choosing to be with him means dealing with everything else that goes along with it for the length of his incarceration- that means expressing your feeling but not punishing him for them.
Good luck, you seem like a great person!

UtterlyInsane · #7 08-11-2011, 01:59 PM

I feel better now making this thread and talking it out. I guess its just stress. I'm sick of this crap. It helps to have people who know what I'm going through to help talk me down and tell me it's gonna be ok and its ok to feel this way. No it's not fair at all, but its the cards we were dealt. It's my choice to stay and so I'm gonna be strong.

I hope he calls me soon. I can't wait to hear his voice and tell him how much I love him

FastCarGirl · #8 08-12-2011, 01:44 AM

It's normal, and for a few minutes when you had a great visit it was everything that things should be.....and then visiting time is over and reality hits and it sucks, bad. It's almost like your greiving all over again what should be vs. what is. And what is SUCKS, and anger is a normal part of the grief process. I agree with the other ladies that you shouldn't lash out at him and accuse him of things that aren't his fault or that he didn't do....but I would encorage you to let him into your inner world and share with him your honest feelings, especially about being mad over the whole situation. Not because your really looking for anything, not because your trying to make him feel bad, but because your both in this together and he needs to know how much anger you have and how much hurt you have that his actions have caused you. It may make him think twice or three times before doing something reckless that would endager his freedom again. He needs to know and really hear how you are truly in it together and it's just as hard for you out here as it is for him in there. He needs to hear what it's like to have your heart ripped from you and locked up.

Telling us is a great start and helps you vent and sort out your feelings, but it's really your man that you need to be talking to about this. Once you have that worked through with him, I think you'll find you'll have fewer thoughts about the cute boy and wake up less angry in the future.

UtterlyInsane · #9 08-12-2011, 04:03 AM

I'm even more mad at him because he didn't call me yesterday like he told me he would. Now I have even more thoughts running through my brain and wanting even more to lash out and piss him off. Blimey. I'm wondering if he's mad at me? Did I write him too much and now he's pushing away? Is he in the hole AGAIN? Did the storms knock out the phone? Did the phone company block him AGAIN? UGH I hate this funk. I just wanna drive down there again tomorrow and surprise visit so I can be in his arms again. I can't even sleep tonight because I'm so mad and at the same time I miss him so much.

FastCarGirl, I think you hit everything on the head. Good advice, thank you

FastCarGirl · #10 08-12-2011, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UtterlyInsane

I'm even more mad at him because he didn't call me yesterday like he told me he would. Now I have even more thoughts running through my brain and wanting even more to lash out and piss him off. Blimey. I'm wondering if he's mad at me? Did I write him too much and now he's pushing away? Is he in the hole AGAIN? Did the storms knock out the phone? Did the phone company block him AGAIN? UGH I hate this funk. I just wanna drive down there again tomorrow and surprise visit so I can be in his arms again. I can't even sleep tonight because I'm so mad and at the same time I miss him so much.

FastCarGirl, I think you hit everything on the head. Good advice, thank you

Your welcome.

And I don't even get visits, but I know my psychology, lol.

The silence is the worst, it's when it's easiest for our minds to play tricks in us and project all the secret fears of our soul out into the open. My guy is usually pretty good about calling, but he fell asleep on me once, and didn't call Wed night when he said he would because he just wasn't feeling good....we think he's having side effects to the anti-anxiety meds he's on, he says it's like feeling dope sick, so he's not a happy camper at the moment. Anger is another good defensive manuver....if your afraid you've gone overboard and are pushing him away.....oh no you don't get back here, Mister, I'm not done with you yet....the best defense is a good offense, after all.

It's OK to be mad. It's OK to miss him like crazy. It's all normal, and like everything else, this too shall pass. Stay strong & keep the faith!

Johnos_girl · #11 08-12-2011, 07:05 AM

I think we all have moments like this. Sometimes its just for a few mins, sometimes a day, a few days, a week or sometimes even a month.
Remember we are doing time too. Not just our men. We go though all the pain, the frustration, the blame game.
You are just as normal as each and every one of us.
Just the other week, I was pissed at my man, not because he did anything wrong at the time. But because I was so pissed off that he got himself locked up to start with.
But in the long run. Being mad isnt going to make it any better. Just have to be positive and take each day as it comes

J.G

Paulie'sGirl · #12 08-12-2011, 07:13 AM

I go into a funk, once a month and I get mad, I cry, I get upset, I get emotional, I question everything, and then I look at the date and realize WHY!! A few days later, I am totally fine. Remember we have cycles and these cycles affect our psyche!!

UtterlyInsane · #13 08-12-2011, 11:18 AM

I'm past being angry, right now I'm just sad. I checked my mail box 5 times today and no letter and still no calls. I miss my baby so much. He always asks me to write a little more because he loves receiving mail, so I sent him mail every day this week but why can't he write me back just one letter? Why is he skipping our calls? He never does that. Letters and calls mean as much to me as they do him and he knows that.

Now I keep rewinding things in my head wondering if I said or did anything wrong. I'm too afraid to call the prison and check up on him because if they tell me he's fine I'll know he's ignoring me and that's gonna make me hysterical. It's been storming alot here lately so I keep trying to tell myself maybe the storm just messed up the prison phones and to be patient. It messed up mine for a couple of days too. But that doesn't explain why he hasn't written me. I just sent him $100 so he has plenty for stamps, and whatever else he needs.

This sucks. It does suck bad to come off a great high after having an amazing visit and realize that I miss him like crazy and as soon as I realize that all communication has been cut off which makes it even worse. I guess I've been angry because it hurts and more than likely the crazy in me has those feelings to "punish" him like he's punishing me. He's the one in control. He can get me whenever he wants, but I can't get him when I want. :\ I'm about ready to start bawling my eyes out.