How do you let go when you just dont think he is worth waiting for anymore?

[overuin2011]

I been on two visits been through nothing really positive to hold on to. Feel like his concerns have nothing to do with chance of future, just getting a TV and ask to do programs with him but in my heart his request are just to get past the time. I dont know i just dont trust him. He wanted to talk about something to give him something to go on after the visit was over for masturbation purposes he stated just being touched by a woman would keep him going (sound like any woman would do to me) How do you let go?????

[hisbabyny]

were you together before he went to prison? how was the relationship then? some of these guys start losing their ability to see how they are truly coming across socially if they been in a long time. they have a difficult time thinking about other things but surviving in there. if you really care about him id have a talk with him'
if you really just want to let go id say tell him you think its better if you were just friends.

[overuin2011]

Originally Posted by hisbabyny

were you together before he went to prison? how was the relationship then? some of these guys start losing their ability to see how they are truly coming across socially if they been in a long time. they have a difficult time thinking about other things but surviving in there. if you really care about him id have a talk with him'
if you really just want to let go id say tell him you think its better if you were just friends.

i met him over the phone last year as i was relocating from texas to nj he had just served 3yrs went to a halfway house in town where i moved and escaped after being caught with a cell phone it didnt give me a chance to get stable for us life on the run for 4months with him almost cost me everything selfish as hell on his part and mind u he took up with an addiction that was a nightmare i was loving and he was enjoying his drugs but trying to keep me hostage too when he went back i lost it but picked up my chin and now have done more than i could do with him around but he swears he loves me and wants to work on a relationship but i just dont trust him im afraid i will be hurt he hasnt had much freedom from jail maybe one year in ten prison is his life does he deserve me to ride with will he get out and be the asshole he was???? im so scared of the unpredictable person he is

[nimuay]

Hon, if you've already lost so much, and you've been his victim, then NO you shouldn't be with him at all! I don't care how much you might love him, he is nothing but swirling chaos, and he will suck you in - to his addiction, to his lawlessness, to his selfishness.

You can tell him that you can't go back to that, and that any relationship will have to be on hold until after he's been out for a year, sober and holding a job. That would prove to you that he's changing.

[skellerton]

I agree with Nimuay- He is incapable of mutually satisfying love right now. All addicts chase the high- anything that is immediate, and packs a strong punch, this is what they love. It is impossible for people like this to enjoy the "ordinary" things about love- like the security the relationship provides, the pleasure of "giving" to the other person so that you can both enjoy sharing time and ideas, "protecting "one another and facing the world together. This is the goal of a true relationship, but they can only see the "hooking up" part because it is exciting and new. Once that wears off, they have nothing inside to draw from to keep it going because they usually never get beyond thinking about it, idealizing it- but rarely doing it.

Pick up your chin all the way and take your game elsewhere. Find a man who can and will go all the way and who is capable of really sharing himself and his future with you. This man is far from ready and you will only be hurt and disappointed continuously.

[LeStrange]

From what you have described it doesn't sound like there is anything keeping you there and keeping your interest in him. So just let him know and move on. I personally would've told him straight out. Hey I no longer care to correspond with you for such and such reasons and just moved on.

[overuin2011]

Originally Posted by nimuay

Hon, if you've already lost so much, and you've been his victim, then NO you shouldn't be with him at all! I don't care how much you might love him, he is nothing but swirling chaos, and he will suck you in - to his addiction, to his lawlessness, to his selfishness.

You can tell him that you can't go back to that, and that any relationship will have to be on hold until after he's been out for a year, sober and holding a job. That would prove to you that he's changing.

i thank you for the true insight and he mentioned having access to shit in jail and not doing it but i dont know that i know guys who send money home and do without that respect the world we have to live in the real one who ask for a fuckin tv phone money money on the books visits and shit like that if they now they dont deserve it

[WaitingForHer1]

Overuin I want to compliment you on your ability to see things for the way they really are. Everything you said all sounds about right to me. With these types they view people as objects with no rights or feelings of their own and are not capable of any type of intimacy. My theory is lots has to do with years of alcohol and or drug abuse that has literally damaged their brain beyond repair. All this stuff you are saying about who would ask any body for anything is the stuff a "normal" person wouldn't do. Remember this guy isn't normal. Unless you want to be used like a door mat, and get nothing back in return then make a plan to leave. At the end of the day you will look back and realize that this man was nothing more than a waste of our time.

When I ended my last relationship I set a day and a time. I called the guy up and I told him that he wasn't what I wanted or needed that I was going to do whatever it took to get him out of my life then, ended the conversation by saying "may God Strike me dead this will be the last time you will ever hear from me" and I hung up the phone. This was a promise that I made to myself and have kept it for 1 1/2 years. Since that time my sanity has been restored and I have been living a peaceful life.

[skellerton]

You don't drown by falling into the water...you drown by staying there.