Feeling alone and frustrated

[di4jm4ever]

My story goes back to 2007 when my husband went away for a 10/5 yr sentence. We were told that he would be out roughtly in three or four years. My husband has never been in trouble before and so this whole thing has been a nightmare for us. We are both in our fifties. So last year in 2010 we were blown a rough blow. My 16 year son died in an accidental drowning due to an epilepsy seizure. How tough it was to go tell my husband about his stepson being dead. So with this to deal with and not having husband home it has been a nightmare.

So his review from December 2010 had been told that he needed to wait another six months and be rewviewed again. Thinking that he would get the class for anger management he needed and the situation wth my son we thought he would be home in 2011. But then in May 2011 they reviewed him and told him he could still not go home as he did not get the class (which was not his fault) and that he had to wait another year to be reviewed again. We were devistated. Then they transferred him to a Min sec place and soon after they put in the class. But here comes the ffrustration. Because my husband would not say he was jealous, angry, depressed during these classes, they kicked him out of the class. So now he cant get out till he gets the class.

Now he has the attitude of that he will be incarerated till his actual date in 2014 no matter what he does. He has never been in trouble and most of the guards respect him. He has been a mentor to others and just keeps to himself. Now he tells me that he may want to transfer, (which might be further from me) and that scares me to death. I am so scared I am losing him now too after losing my son. Why can some get out after two years that have killed someone but he did not kill anyone and they say he is too dangerous to be let out. (it was an accidental shooting and victim is fine). I say its racial, he is black and victim was white, in white neighborhood we lived in(by the way I am white). So sorry this was so jumbled and long but I am alone and no one to talk to about all of this. With losing my son I dont know how much more I can handle. I miss him every day and every moment. He would have been a senior this year and he was the light of my life when my husband went away. Anybody that can help to me to figure out how to get my husband home soon, would be greatly appreciated.

I have written letters and even told them about our son dying due to accidental drowning last yaer at age of 16 and that still has not helped. He has given up and believes he will be there till his total time. I am scared, could that be true?

[SimplyMe123]

Hi there... I am so, so sorry to hear about your son. You have my most sincere condolences. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through, especially with your husband away. In another thread I suggested counseling. I really hope you choose to do that, if you aren't already. If you're religious, talking to your pastor is another option. Please reach out to people who can help you through this. The help is there; you just need to ask for it.

As far as how to get your husband home sooner, I don't know. It sounds like you've already done what I would suggest (writing letters to the parole board). Hopefully another member who has experience with the parole system will come along soon. As far as whether or not he will do his total time... well, yes. That is a possibility, and something you should prepare yourself for. Do you know his estimated release date? You can get it from the IDOC website. Let me know if you need help figuring it out.

Please PM me any time if you need any help or just an ear. Take care, hon.

[conmil79]

you need to step up and start calling all the people that you can think of and bug the shit out of them, I know it is so hard. I am so sorry to hear about your son, and your husband. My husband shot and killed a man, my husband is white and the guy was black, he has been in for over twelve years. Anyway back to you. I think that you need to call his counsler and see what you guys need to do to get him back in the program he needs, then when and if he has problems in the program call the instuctors. You need to suggest to the counsler a staff intiated review, instead of waiting the whole year. I know people that have called the parole board. I will get the head lady's name if you want you need to call her and see what can be done. Go above the counsler if he isnt doing anything, and call the warden. You guys need to be heard, they dont care. To them he is a number and I have been around, and if you dont have family on the outside fighting for you then you are screwed! so if you want pm me and we can talk more, I will find names and numbers. I havent got my husband hime yet, but we have came along way in the last 5 years and he should be home (fingers crossed) soon. Good Luch, and dont give up, and dont let him give up either. You can also look at it is if he does finish his time until 2014 he walks out a free man, it is hard on parole and the work releases, with them up your ass all the time. Make the hubby happy, and support him. Sorry Im rambling, I am tired.

[JaydedDragon]

di4jim4ever,

first let me say that I am very sorry to hear about your son. I cannot imagine what that must feel like, or what you may be going through. I am in agreement with Simplyme...the counseling helps tremendously...even if you do nothing but 'bitch' the entire time. I would be dead if it weren't for mine. She is a God send!!! You are dealing with some issues there that are very difficult and sensitive, and learning to cope with them is something that they can teach you.

Second, your hubby. You can call his counselor and ask that he be staff initiated. All that is, is the staff at the facility ask that he be seen by the parole board before his annual. Of course, this has to be AFTER the class is successfully completed. It may be that your husband may not be able to get into it for another year. That is at their mercy. But nothing says you can't call and put a fire under their butts. (at least until they tell you to stop calling or else...which they have done) conmil79 is right though...if you get no where with the counselor, keep going up the chain of command.

You can also write letters to the parole board..I can help with that if you need. I have written a few of them. Also, has the victim stated anything positive? Would he be willing to write a letter to the parole board on your husband's behalf? That in itself might hold a lot more weight with them than a letter from you about being depressed and needing your husband home. (sorry to sound crass, but when someone tells you they have heard it all, they have and have no sympathy) you would get more sympathy from a grocery bag then from the parole board. Just sayin'. Anyway, it's something to check into. Keep at it. Remember the old saying "the squeaky wheel gets the grease"...it's true with the IDOC.

Remain strong, keep your head up and know that we are here for you anytime you need. The ladies (and gents) on here are a tremendous source of information and support. We all have been where you are now (in reserves of your hubby's situation) and love to help our fellow families/friends.
Wishing you the best...

~Jayded