Confused :/ FB drama: Is she his sister...or? // UPDATE

[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by heartbreak

if you read right the other girl didn't vist him, she said after she visted him( meaning Kel) and talked to his brothers about the vist, the other girl started using the name again..... That and Kel said that he hadn't been with this girl( the wife) in years. In my opinion the marriage was over.

Kel do what you got to do. If you trust him good for you, but i would keep my guard up some until i see copies of the signed divorce papers. Some people are just messy and have to be the center of attention. Girl be the better person and ignore her and her childish ways.

Thanks Heartbreak! U got it right! There marriage was over long before I came into the picture and he has not been to see him at all! But Thanks Joy for ur concern and for sharing ur story. But his wife it's like they r separated cuz even after he got out of jail in 08 he wasn't with her. I asked him y didn't he divorce her when he first came hm. He told me it wasn't even on his mind he was jus so happy to be free after 10 yrs. And then he gets locks up less than 2 yrs later SMH!! Believe me I'm not the reason he left his wife, remember he married young for the reason I mentioned before, which is stupid to me but hey different strokes for different folks. But I'm keeping my gaurd up! She's not going to be Mrs. White for long! And u know things happen for a reason my boyfriend and I have been thru a lot together since we first met 2 yrs ago like I have shared in another thread I was pregnant with his baby but I had a miscarriage and I know he wants to be with me get married and start a family! Yeah sometimes I have my doubts cuz I have been in a jail relationship before and it was horrible but I trust and love my man and know in my heart that he's the one that God made for me

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[Tina Bee]

Originally Posted by kelssmith

Thanks Heartbreak! U got it right! There marriage was over long before I came into the picture and he has not been to see him at all! But Thanks Joy for ur concern and for sharing ur story. But his wife it's like they r separated cuz even after he got out of jail in 08 he wasn't with her. I asked him y didn't he divorce her when he first came hm. He told me it wasn't even on his mind he was jus so happy to be free after 10 yrs. And then he gets locks up less than 2 yrs later SMH!! Believe me I'm not the reason he left his wife, remember he married young for the reason I mentioned before, which is stupid to me but hey different strokes for different folks. But I'm keeping my gaurd up! She's not going to be Mrs. White for long! And u know things happen for a reason my boyfriend and I have been thru a lot together since we first met 2 yrs ago like I have shared in another thread I was pregnant with his baby but I had a miscarriage and I know he wants to be with me get married and start a family! Yeah sometimes I have my doubts cuz I have been in a jail relationship before and it was horrible but I trust and love my man and know in my heart that he's the one that God made for me

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How do you know he didn't go through the same things he went through with you with his wife? I wouldn't jump into declaring myself someones next wife if he hasn't even received the divorce papers to fill out yet I'm assuming. How long have they been married? He served 10 years so did they get married then? Are you going to ask him to send you his call records too? If you haven't asked yet you definitely should. Visit records aren't enough in a situation like this.

Marriage is a huge deal and it's not like she's his other woman that is his wife. I don't understand why that role (wife) is getting downplayed in this question at all. It's not like you know 100% that they haven't been contacting each other. You're just going by his word it seems. Who knows if when you two get married if the same thing he's done to the first will happen to you. Are they legally separated? What kind of people get married for conjugal visits and once those go away they don't even bother getting divorced? That's trashy, not cute, not funny, and someone is going to get very hurt.

I don't think you're the reason he stopped talking to his wife at all. That never crossed my mind when I read this question, but I have more questions after reading the added information after my original post.

History tends to repeat itself. If his wife is irrelevant and insignificant to him now yet he's not divorced that could happen to you in the future and his next girlfriend will feel the same way you do now.

[joy&jermon4ever]

Kel everything i said i didnt mean no harm. You seem like a nice person dont wanna see you hurt. You gotta think marriage is serious and its not to be taken lightley. He in the past has taken it lightly just saying be careful please.

[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by Tina Bee

How do you know he didn't go through the same things he went through with you with his wife? I wouldn't jump into declaring myself someones next wife if he hasn't even received the divorce papers to fill out yet I'm assuming. How long have they been married? He served 10 years so did they get married then? Are you going to ask him to send you his call records too? If you haven't asked yet you definitely should. Visit records aren't enough in a situation like this.

Marriage is a huge deal and it's not like she's his other woman that is his wife. I don't understand why that role (wife) is getting downplayed in this question at all. It's not like you know 100% that they haven't been contacting each other. You're just going by his word it seems. Who knows if when you two get married if the same thing he's done to the first will happen to you. Are they legally separated? What kind of people get married for conjugal visits and once those go away they don't even bother getting divorced? That's trashy, not cute, not funny, and someone is going to get very hurt.

I don't think you're the reason he stopped talking to his wife at all. That never crossed my mind when I read this question, but I have more questions after reading the added information after my original post.

History tends to repeat itself. If his wife is irrelevant and insignificant to him now yet he's not divorced that could happen to you in the future and his next girlfriend will feel the same way you do now.

You make some very good points. But I didn't just take his wrd. I went ahead and asked her. I asked her was there anything going on between my boyfriend and her and were they going to try and wrk out their marriage. And these r wrds No, and y am I askin her instead of asking him. I told her I already asked him and he told me the same thing. So she turned around and said well he he already told u everything y didn't I just trust his wrd... I believe in marriage and what it stands for and that's y I'm pushing for the divorce so it can be offical, I kno being a wife is a very significant role. That's y I don't like the fact that they married only for conjugal visits. Yes someone is going to get hurt cuz they were friends he wanted one thing and I feel that she thought it could have been more. It was wrong for him to do that, and don't feel like a person should be used. And the things we went thru I kno for a fact his wife or any other girl he was with did not go thru what I went thru. They got married when he was about 17 (13 yrs ago) He did tell me he has the divorce papers to send her, but he goin to ask his Mom for the money. How much does it cost to get a divorce?? And I did ask him for his phone list when I spoke to him yesterday so he's goin to send them. I don't want it to seem like my Man is so right he did do wrong and I believe that's one of the reasons he went back to jail after coming home from serving 10 and now he has 7 with no conjugal visits. I'm confident in my role as his next and last wife cuz he asked me and tells me all the time. I hope I answered all ur questions. And I hope I don't seem like a bad person cuz I'm with him and he's technically still married. But I love him.

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[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by joy&jermon4ever

Kel everything i said i didnt mean no harm. You seem like a nice person dont wanna see you hurt. You gotta think marriage is serious and its not to be taken lightley. He in the past has taken it lightly just saying be careful please.

Joy, I kno u didn't mean any harm and I appriecate u and the rest of the ladies on here. I will be careful, cuz I don't think I can take anymore hurt. Marriage is serious and that's y I don't want him to be married anymore. I kno he's focusing on his bid right now, that's y I'm going to leave it alone until Jan or Feb when his Mother get her income tax return.

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[Tina Bee]

Originally Posted by kelssmith

You make some very good points. But I didn't just take his wrd. I went ahead and asked her. I asked her was there anything going on between my boyfriend and her and were they going to try and wrk out their marriage. And these r wrds No, and y am I askin her instead of asking him. I told her I already asked him and he told me the same thing. So she turned around and said well he he already told u everything y didn't I just trust his wrd... I believe in marriage and what it stands for and that's y I'm pushing for the divorce so it can be offical, I kno being a wife is a very significant role. That's y I don't like the fact that they married only for conjugal visits. Yes someone is going to get hurt cuz they were friends he wanted one thing and I feel that she thought it could have been more. It was wrong for him to do that, and don't feel like a person should be used. And the things we went thru I kno for a fact his wife or any other girl he was with did not go thru what I went thru. They got married when he was about 17 (13 yrs ago) He did tell me he has the divorce papers to send her, but he goin to ask his Mom for the money. How much does it cost to get a divorce?? And I did ask him for his phone list when I spoke to him yesterday so he's goin to send them. I don't want it to seem like my Man is so right he did do wrong and I believe that's one of the reasons he went back to jail after coming home from serving 10 and now he has 7 with no conjugal visits. I'm confident in my role as his next and last wife cuz he asked me and tells me all the time. I hope I answered all ur questions. And I hope I don't seem like a bad person cuz I'm with him and he's technically still married. But I love him.

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No, you don't seem like a bad person at all. I think this man has let a situation go on for too long. How come when he was out he didn't get a divorce? Filing for a divorce here in California is like $400-$500, something between that price. If you're low or no income you can ask for a fee waiver and get it filed for free. If he has the papers he needs to request a fee waiver ASAP because being married for 13 years to someone you don't like is beyond ridiculous.

Once he is divorced it would be best if you didn't rush into marriage with him. Just because he doesn't get conjugal visitis doesn't mean he can't use you for emotional support, money, phone calls, and visits. Men in jail and prison need emotional support before they need sex, but they're men so sex is the only thing on their mind and if they find a woman willing to think like them and get married for sex then so be it. That's why I said you're above all that is going on at the moment however staying with him for another year or two without the divorce being filed and granted will make you just as bad IMO.

I just think this whole thing speaks volumes about your man. He might be saying all the right things now that he's facing 7, but once he's out it could be a different story whether you two are married or not. Look at what he did to his first wife. If she thought it would be something more isn't that the same as you thinking he's going to be serious with you?

Good thing he's sending the phone call records. This is a good support forum for women with men in prison and I think hard about being critical, but we women are investing our livelihoods into these men by waiting for them and we shouldn't be toyed with. I hope things work out.

[Klewis]

Well that is good that you spoke to your man. So does the "wife" have family in Maryland? She must found out about you or something because it sounds like out of the blue she changed her name back to his last name. He definitely need to get a divorce but sometimes thats not as easy due to his situation and money.

[WaitN4sunshine]

I learned a long time ago that females can be messy….
And FB has been known to be the home of messy females…
I would proceed with caution and Idk abt Maryland but in Cali
Inmates can get there divorce for FREE….. yeah I remember when my cousin did…..
Its very important that he gets that divorce…. Whether they are together or not
She still has say so because she has the paper and the last name….
I can’t say what I would do if I was in your position bc I’m not….. just be careful
And I hope everything turns out well

[kelssmith]

Well Ladies I got his visit list and phone list and he was telling me the truth as well as she. She does not go and visit him and she is not on his phone list. By boyfriend since then explained the whole story of how and why they got married and she is the one who suggested it to him and he jus went along with. When he got out he realized that she had a hidden agenda..... I'm going to still stay with him, but I told him he needs to get that divorce asap. But to make matters worst she printed out the whole conversation I had with her and sent it to him saying why is he with me I'm a wack b!tch SMH and then yesterday I got a message on FB from a girl that I don't kno callin me all kinds of names and saying I was a wack chick and she gonna do all kinds of stuff to me. I told my man and he said from the conversation it sounds like one of his wife's friends tryin to start trouble he said he is certain that she's the one behind it. All I'm want to kno is why does she have to hate on me? If she was truly a friend wouldn't she want to see him happy and glad that he has someone good in his life.

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[HisGirlAlways]

She still wants him. That's why she can't let him go or be happy that he has someone that makes him happy. Hopefully he can get that divorce soon and everything will be better. Don't count on her being ok with it or leaving you alone anytime soon though. My man's babymamma (thank god he never married her) hates me with a passion. She would always say bs about me to him and ask him why he never treated her the way he does me and ask him why he loves me more then he did her. Funny thing is that she is married now and has another child with her husband. Sometimes I wonder if she got married to make him jealous. Some women are messy and some just can't get over a man. Keep your head held high and don't let it get to you. It sounds like he loves you very much.

[kelssmith]

I just had to come back here and post an update! My boyfriend now fiancee is on the second stage of his divorce process!! He sent me a copy of his papers, I'm so freaking HAPPY. He doesn't have to pay a dime since he is incarcerated. And everything just might be finalized before he comes home. I'm glad I listened to my heart and continue to stick by him. He's my soulmate and I'm his No matter what as he always say and we will make our union official with marriage when he comes home <3

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[fOrever.yOurs]

Originally Posted by kelssmith

I just had to come back here and post an update! My boyfriend now fiancee is on the second stage of his divorce process!! He sent me a copy of his papers, I'm so freaking HAPPY. He doesn't have to pay a dime since he is incarcerated. And everything just might be finalized before he comes home. I'm glad I listened to my heart and continue to stick by him. He's my soulmate and I'm his No matter what as he always say and we will make our union official with marriage when he comes home <3

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Congrats on your engagement , & also on the fact that shortly he will be divorced & all this will be behind you !


When love is true , it will always prevail<3 !
im glad things have worked out for you & there were no games being played ! i wish you & yours all the love & happiness , you guys deserve that

[comptontiffany1]

I would either ask him or I would write the girl. Either way I hope it turns out to be nothing!

[epasil2]

This is plain fishy!! It's either her trying to cause problems....or she with ur men !?!?? Hope not! Are u kool with the familly? Why don't u casually ask? Be like dam I didn't know u had a sister or something...I've done this many times to girls on my bfs page n it works everytime! Then I confirm by asking him!

[marissaa]

This is an old post ladies, you can see that she's already updated us on the whole situation (:

Congrats on your engagement though and best of luck to you & yours.!

[thatwiz]

They aren't just friends. They are married. Would you marry your friend? For sex yet? Naw, I don't buy that-not even common sense. I hope that you really find out what s going on. Let him divorce her first, before investing any more, as you may get hurt.

[blah8705]

Originally Posted by thatwiz

They aren't just friends. They are married. Would you marry your friend? For sex yet? Naw, I don't buy that-not even common sense. I hope that you really find out what s going on. Let him divorce her first, before investing any more, as you may get hurt.

He's in the 2nd stage of the divorce process with the friend. She updated the thread yesterday.

[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by thatwiz

They aren't just friends. They are married. Would you marry your friend? For sex yet? Naw, I don't buy that-not even common sense. I hope that you really find out what s going on. Let him divorce her first, before investing any more, as you may get hurt.

This is just an update!! And yes he married her jus for sex, but I don't care about that that was such a long time ago. And I have been with him since 2009. I already know what's going on, he's in the second stage of the divorce process and they have not been together since 2006. I thank u for ur concern tho, but we r good :-)

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[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by blah8705

He's in the 2nd stage of the divorce process with the friend. She updated the thread yesterday.

Thanks :-)

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[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by marissaa

This is an old post ladies, you can see that she's already updated us on the whole situation (:

Congrats on your engagement though and best of luck to you & yours.!

Thank u soo much!!!!! :-)

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[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by epasil2

This is plain fishy!! It's either her trying to cause problems....or she with ur men !?!?? Hope not! Are u kool with the familly? Why don't u casually ask? Be like dam I didn't know u had a sister or something...I've done this many times to girls on my bfs page n it works everytime! Then I confirm by asking him!

Thanks, but I've already found out everything! This was an update to let my pto sisters what's up! He's in the second stage of his divorce process and we r getting married next year when he is released. :-) but Thanks anyway!

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[kelssmith]

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies!!! :-) this is an update to the original post. Everything between me and my fiancee is Great!! He's already put in for his divorce. This is the second stage. I have all the paper wrk from the lawyers that he sent me. I have already moved from nyc to Md. To be closer to him. I got a good job, and a wonderful place to live for us. Looking forward to next year when we get married!!! Thank ya'll again :-)

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[thatwiz]

Whats the second stage of divorce? Never heard of that in NY.

[kelssmith]

Originally Posted by thatwiz

Whats the second stage of divorce? Never heard of that in NY.

Oh! I jus said second stage cuz he already filed which is the 1st stage in a divorce and is just waiting for the court date. And we r in MD. :-)

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[HardHeadedWoman]

Delete and block her from FB. by you contacting her to begin with opened up the can of drama. You should have never approached or friended her and just asked the fiance and either trusted him or moved on. Im not saying this to be mean but you see post all the time about the fb drama on here and this is a prime example of it.
You didnt intend to get drama when you messaged her but now you have it.