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crazylazz81 · #1 11-16-2011, 09:02 AM

Hey girls, I wasnt on PTO for a while. Im living in Europe and my boyfriend (Ex) was incarcerated in a Kentucky prison for the last 2.5 years. He came back home about 5 weeks ago and everything seemed to be fine and now all of a sudden hes telling me that his feelings for me have vanished. We were planning on a future together and he was telling me how much he loves me in all his letters and now he wants to leave me. He said something has changed since he left prison. I cant believe he did this to me! I was backing his damn ass up from so far away and all I get is this now. It really tears me up!

24jf · #2 11-16-2011, 09:07 AM

I'm truly sorry you have to deal with this pain. Know that you are not alone and that we are all here to help you through it...

LittleWing13 · #3 11-16-2011, 09:11 AM

I'm really sorry. Don't feel like there is anything wrong with you. Learn from this and just move forward. We all understand what you're going through. It will get better, promise.

crazylazz81 · #4 11-16-2011, 09:23 AM

I feel used! A few days before he got out he called me saying how much he loves me and he cant wait to see me again. I dont understand why! What changed him so much?! :'(

brooks · #5 11-16-2011, 09:54 AM

Sometimes holding down a relationship in person, every day is just something they Can't do. They spend so long burying their feelings while incarcerated ..

isis9700 · #6 11-16-2011, 10:16 AM

I’m very very sorry to hear that. As much as it hurts, just think about it as maybe he did you a favor. Just know that you did nothing wrong. Thank him for how good he made you feel while he was in prison and move on. Because any woman that stands by their man while they are in prison, is already a strong person. I think in some way a lot of us fear that could happen to us. Because they can promise you the world while they are in there, but once they get out things change. My guy keeps talking about the future and I’ve told him all he can give me is the present. Once he gets out then we could talk about the future. I wish you the very best and hope you get through this pain soon so you can move on and smile

LittleWing13 · #7 11-16-2011, 11:36 AM

I wish I had something better to offer you than this....

You're going to be better off. What hurts right now will ultimately be relief.

crazylazz81 · #8 11-16-2011, 12:12 PM

Its so hard right now. Thank u all for being there for me. Its just all so confusing. I didnt expect this coming cuz when he came back he was still showing me some love. He was telling me last Thursday that he wont ever let go of me and 2 days later I get to hear this. I dont know what to believe. He is so focused on finding work and thats all he ever talks about. It seems like he isnt interested in anything else at the moment. He changed so much. Maybe he just need a bit time to get on his feet again....I dont know.

auburnbeauty · #9 11-16-2011, 12:36 PM

I'm so sorry this had happened to yoU. This is a big risk with any prison relationship, but more so with a MWI relationship which is conducted over many miles. They say 'what is for you, won't go past you' and I believe that to be true 100% Against all the odds, some couples make it, some don't, some people come into our lives for a season, some forever. Try to smile for the happiness he brought you whilst he was in your life,for I am sure he taught you much about himself,yourself and life. All life is a learning curve, even those things that hurt and devastate us.

It's all so new to him out here, he may just be spreading his wings, he may truly be having difficulty with it all. He may also be a total player who took what he needed from you whilst he needed it. If he is the latter, you dodged a bullet and when the pain has healed you will be better, happier and
wiser from having him gone from your life. But one thing to remember, we all leave a mark on each others lives, all lives that we cross and even if it cannot be seen in him right now, some good influence will be left in him from his time of knowing you.

If you hope this is phase he is going through, and that he will wake up one day to realise his mistake in losing you, the worst thing you can do it chase him in any way. Leave him be, cut off all contact, respond only if he does the contacting - men rarely want someone who chases them or shows desperation of any kind, even if it hurts you to cut off all contact. What's for you, won't go past you .... If he's for you, he'll be back. If he doesn't come back,forget him. The best revenge is to have a great life without him *hugs*

CoNpal · #10 11-16-2011, 06:09 PM

I'm sorry. You must be hurting terribly right now.

I don't understand why he wants you to leave. Did he not come to where you are living?

**pj663** · #11 11-16-2011, 06:22 PM

Hey lady.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you

2 years is alot of time to be with someone let alone making plans for the future. Take heart that you didnt relocate to the United States just for him to have a change of heart. Have you been here to visit with him before? Did you guys make plans???

crazylazz81 · #12 11-17-2011, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoNpal

I'm sorry. You must be hurting terribly right now.

I don't understand why he wants you to leave. Did he not come to where you are living?

He is living with his german family about 30 miles from where I live. He actually wanted to stay with me but he didnt...

crazylazz81 · #13 11-17-2011, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj663

Hey lady.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you

2 years is alot of time to be with someone let alone making plans for the future. Take heart that you didnt relocate to the United States just for him to have a change of heart. Have you been here to visit with him before? Did you guys make plans???

Yes, we have made plans for a future together. Thats why I dont understand why he wants to leave now. I havent been to the United States to see him. I couldnt afford it.

But for the time being seperated he called me very often and we wrote hundrets of letters...

Sheryl P. · #14 11-17-2011, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazylazz81

Its so hard right now. Thank u all for being there for me. Its just all so confusing. I didnt expect this coming cuz when he came back he was still showing me some love. He was telling me last Thursday that he wont ever let go of me and 2 days later I get to hear this. I dont know what to believe. He is so focused on finding work and thats all he ever talks about. It seems like he isnt interested in anything else at the moment. He changed so much. Maybe he just need a bit time to get on his feet again....I dont know.

If his parole terms stipulate work or a violation then maybe that is not helping his being anxious to work.Plus,us free people have bills to pay lol.

bigsexy2743 · #15 11-17-2011, 05:22 AM

Sorry for your hurt, but sometimes we look for love in all the wrong places. They say what we need to hear and make us feel like we are Queens. We don't know nothing about these men. They are locked up like pigs when they get out they become wild pigs, sometimes they come back, but most of them don't. Thank GOD he didn't take you for your valuables. Cry about it and move on, if he comes back take it slow, but remember if he leaves once he will leave again

crazylazz81 · #16 11-17-2011, 05:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigsexy2743

Sorry for your hurt, but sometimes we look for love in all the wrong places. They say what we need to hear and make us feel like we are Queens. We don't know nothing about these men. They are locked up like pigs when they get out they become wild pigs, sometimes they come back, but most of them don't. Thank GOD he didn't take you for your valuables. Cry about it and move on, if he comes back take it slow, but remember if he leaves once he will leave again

I thought I knew him! We have been together before he went in. I got to know him as a loving and caring man. Im so frustrated about the whole situation. The best thing I can do now is letting go of him. If he comes back he was always mine, if not, he never was.

Sheryl P. · #17 11-17-2011, 05:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazylazz81

I thought I knew him! We have been together before he went in. I got to know him as a loving and caring man. Im so frustrated about the whole situation. The best thing I can do now is letting go of him. If he comes back he was always mine, if not, he never was.

A very mature outlook.
The least he could do is offer to explain,unless he has messed up and is ecting to be re-arrested in which case he may just need to spare the details.
If he had drug issues,this could well be the case.
It would be odd that he was talking about a job though,in that case.
No matter,you gave him your love and deserve to have a man who can return it.
I pray you find that man and he is lucky enough to find you.

Fancy · #18 11-17-2011, 05:54 AM

Crazy....I remember you...you and I used to PM sometimes.

I am from the neighboring state of Tennessee.

Sorry to hear back from you under these unhappy circumstances.

Sadly, what you are saying is to often common in prison relationships.....

They really seem to rip up a relationship. I think prison is designed to rip up families, and It does a good good at it.

My hubby is due home this summer.....the nightmare for me continues.

crazylazz81 · #19 11-17-2011, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fancy

Crazy....I remember you...you and I used to PM sometimes.

I am from the neighboring state of Tennessee.

Sorry to hear back from you under these unhappy circumstances.

Sadly, what you are saying is to often common in prison relationships.....

They really seem to rip up a relationship. I think prison is designed to rip up families, and It does a good good at it.

My hubby is due home this summer.....the nightmare for me continues.

I remember you too!

Yea its so crazy I know. I dont know what to believe anymore. He hurt me so much!

sommerrane · #20 11-17-2011, 06:55 AM

I am sorry this has happned to you.. ((((((((Big hugS)))))))

Kimi06 · #21 11-17-2011, 09:22 AM

Freedom truly changes people released from prison.
As the above poster said they are locked up like pigs.
Their mental emotions cannot be released on the
inside or they are looking @ going to the hole or
possibly being gassed, so they are 1 big ball of an
emotional unstable mess when they leave prison
and the reality of freedom and harsh awakening
of responsibilities can leave some of them numb.
He has truly done you a favor and please know that
your blessed. I told another young lady he could of
ran thru your home took you for everything you have
and not even left a dear john letter. Know that
you are one of the lucky ones. I know your feelings
are hurt but I rather take that than have all my money
stolen or possibly even beaten down as this does happen.
Some of these men mind frames are destroyed with prison.

Many Blessings to you.
KImi06

crazylazz81 · #22 11-17-2011, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kimi06

Freedom truly changes people released from prison.
As the above poster said they are locked up like pigs.
Their mental emotions cannot be released on the
inside or they are looking @ going to the hole or
possibly being gassed, so they are 1 big ball of an
emotional unstable mess when they leave prison
and the reality of freedom and harsh awakening
of responsibilities can leave some of them numb.
He has truly done you a favor and please know that
your blessed. I told another young lady he could of
ran thru your home took you for everything you have
and not even left a dear john letter. Know that
you are one of the lucky ones. I know your feelings
are hurt but I rather take that than have all my money
stolen or possibly even beaten down as this does happen.
Some of these men mind frames are destroyed with prison.

Many Blessings to you.
KImi06

Thanks for your encouraging words. I think Im still looking for the guy he was before he came to prison. But he obviously changed so I should better move on with my life without him. I forgot to say that we were celebrating my 30th birthday last Friday and he got drunk and went to see his Ex. He came back in the morning saying that he just wanted to see her but he didnt do anything dumb. I was like, do you really think you can mess around with me. He said that Im the only one for him so I should stop worrying so much. Who does he think I am? 2 days later he sent me a text saying that he doesnt love me anymore.

**pj663** · #23 11-17-2011, 11:58 AM

My love there is your answer right there. You rode these last 2.5 years with him just for him to blow you off on your 30th birthday to see her? Plus he didnt do anything with her? After being lockdown for 2 years? All of sudden he fell out of love with you? Nah..... Just think on that sweetie.

crazylazz81 · #24 11-17-2011, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj663

My love there is your answer right there. You rode these last 2.5 years with him just for him to blow you off on your 30th birthday to see her? Plus he didnt do anything with her? After being lockdown for 2 years? All of sudden he fell out of love with you? Nah..... Just think on that sweetie.

Yeah I know, Im quite sure he was cheating on me but to make me feel better he was telling me all these lies! And 30 minutes before he went to see her we had sex...thats disgusting if he was having sex with her after! Gosh I dont understand him!

lizru9 · #25 11-17-2011, 12:32 PM

I believe that if we are here waiting for someone in prison its a chance that we are willing to take so better be prepare for anything I learned this a year ago when my friends boyfriend finished a 9 yr sentence and after all those years decided he only liked her like a friend I love my man to death but I'm aware of this.. I feel like our love is solid that's why its a chance I'm willing to take and wait...