Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

bumblebee37 · #26 11-27-2011, 11:10 AM

Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.
I see a lot of ugly in this world and I truly believe that life is just a part of the journey until God calls us all home. I am sure your son is watching from above and never far from you. May God help you, bless you, and keep you safe within his light as you make this journey.
With much sympathy and prayers.
Mary

southernsarah · #27 11-27-2011, 11:15 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

I have no answers about how long it takes to stop crying but I do hope you will come back here and visit as often as you can. The ladies here are incredibly compassionate. As the mother of an active heroin addict, I live daily with fear and I look forward to helping you along this painful journey you have been forced to take. (((((UsernamesRcrazy))))))))

MANDI.LICIOUS · #28 11-27-2011, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UserNamesRCrazy

Thank you all for your kind words. I just don't know how any Mother survives this. If it weren't for my Granddaughter - I probably would not be here today. The ONLY time I don't cry are when she's with me.

For those who have lost a child, how long did it take before you stopped crying every day?

FOR any of you having a loved one going through this horrible disease, don't give up on them, stand strong in your tough love stance, and feel free to share my story, please!!!

I know how u feel if it wasn't for my son I would've been lost when my daughter passed it never gets easier n I don't say this in a bad way it just gets easier to manage grief COUNSELING is a must or u will never grieve properly it will be 4 YRS for me in Jan n I still cry regularly especially this time of year it took me 2 yrs n after Joel died to even start dealing with trying to stop the crying if u need to talk I am here a lot feel free to pm me I know u have lots of questions I still do

~MISSING MI AMORCITO~

jancy · #29 11-27-2011, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UserNamesRCrazy

Thank you all for your kind words. I just don't know how any Mother survives this. If it weren't for my Granddaughter - I probably would not be here today. The ONLY time I don't cry are when she's with me.

For those who have lost a child, how long did it take before you stopped crying every day?

FOR any of you having a loved one going through this horrible disease, don't give up on them, stand strong in your tough love stance, and feel free to share my story, please!!!

we survive because we have no choice. Even if we sat in a chair all day and cried, they would still be gone. My son was all I had when he died. I was grief torn and losing my mind. Within a few months I walked out of my job with no notice. I was going to drive into a telephone pole to stop my grief...it was so painful and lonely. It seemed to me that the whole world was still going on, and I felt the world should end.

At the last second before stepping on the gas headed to the pole...I decided I would try and find out where he went. I was so angry with God that I quit going to church. Quit living, only was a shell going thru the motions. I started to examine my faith by staying up late and watching all kinds of tele-evangelists, called a few, wrote to one. I asked God to show me that he was real..thru the Bible. I went and bought one and read it cover to cover...twice. Through that process I realized that I did indeed believe that Jesus was the son of God, that he came and died for us and most importantly...THAT HE ROSE AGAIN. I read about the widow of Naim whose son died and when he was risen from the dead the first thing was that he was returned to his mother. I knew that my son was still alive...his spirit encouraged me and surrounded me.

I have to say that I cried a long long time. I remember the night he died..I sat in the bathtub and was staring at the faucet a long time...in a numb trance. I did not cry at the funeral home when people came to greet us. I thanked them all for coming in my son's honor. I held up and then fainted when I got home.

I packed all his things except for a very few and gave his clothes to a home for children.

One day the next year, I was out on my riding mower and I looked to the house, there on the front window was his hand print. I was stunned...it looked to me like he was waving to me. I got off the mower and ran to the window to look closer at the print. I could not wash that print off for years to come. I wiped around it.

He makes me smile now. I think of him and smile that he blessed my life. I do still cry on the day of his birth. I have such a hard time that one day, mostly because no one mentions him to me ever. I long for him all day on his birthday. I used to have to stay home from work on the anniversary of the day he died. that lasted a long many years. I decided I would not dwell on that, it used to make me crazy rethinking the day in detail over and over.

I believe with all my heart that my son is present with me in spirit. I know he loves me, and does not want his mother crying all the time. I know we will be together in paradise forever. Your son is wiser now. he knows your pain and sees you. He wants you to go on and remember the good times. he will send you a message somehow of his love. something you never expect. it might be a letter you find, some memory that pops in your head, something someone says to you to recall his favorite song, food, or something.

this is not the end.

jancy · #30 11-27-2011, 11:39 AM

Luke 7: 11-16
At that time, Jesus went to a town called Naim; and his disciples and a large crowd went with him. And as he drew near the gate of the town, behold, a dead man was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow; and a large gathering from the town was with her. And the Lord, seeing her, had compassion on her, and said to her, “Do not weep.” And he went up and touched the stretcher; and the bearers stood still. And he said, “Young man, I say to thee, arise.” And he who was dead, sat up, and began to speak. And he gave him to his mother.

MANDI.LICIOUS · #31 11-27-2011, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jancy

we survive because we have no choice. Even if we sat in a chair all day and cried, they would still be gone. My son was all I had when he died. I was grief torn and losing my mind. Within a few months I walked out of my job with no notice. I was going to drive into a telephone pole to stop my grief...it was so painful and lonely. It seemed to me that the whole world was still going on, and I felt the world should end.

At the last second before stepping on the gas headed to the pole...I decided I would try and find out where he went. I was so angry with God that I quit going to church. Quit living, only was a shell going thru the motions. I started to examine my faith by staying up late and watching all kinds of tele-evangelists, called a few, wrote to one. I asked God to show me that he was real..thru the Bible. I went and bought one and read it cover to cover...twice. Through that process I realized that I did indeed believe that Jesus was the son of God, that he came and died for us and most importantly...THAT HE ROSE AGAIN. I read about the widow of Naim whose son died and when he was risen from the dead the first thing was that he was returned to his mother. I knew that my son was still alive...his spirit encouraged me and surrounded me.

I have to say that I cried a long long time. I remember the night he died..I sat in the bathtub and was staring at the faucet a long time...in a numb trance. I did not cry at the funeral home when people came to greet us. I thanked them all for coming in my son's honor. I held up and then fainted when I got home.

I packed all his things except for a very few and gave his clothes to a home for children.

One day the next year, I was out on my riding mower and I looked to the house, there on the front window was his hand print. I was stunned...it looked to me like he was waving to me. I got off the mower and ran to the window to look closer at the print. I could not wash that print off for years to come. I wiped around it.

He makes me smile now. I think of him and smile that he blessed my life. I do still cry on the day of his birth. I have such a hard time that one day, mostly because no one mentions him to me ever. I long for him all day on his birthday. I used to have to stay home from work on the anniversary of the day he died. that lasted a long many years. I decided I would not dwell on that, it used to make me crazy rethinking the day in detail over and over.

I believe with all my heart that my son is present with me in spirit. I know he loves me, and does not want his mother crying all the time. I know we will be together in paradise forever. Your son is wiser now. he knows your pain and sees you. He wants you to go on and remember the good times. he will send you a message somehow of his love. something you never expect. it might be a letter you find, some memory that pops in your head, something someone says to you to recall his favorite song, food, or something.

this is not the end.

This is SOOO true even opened my eyes

~MISSING MI AMORCITO~

jancy · #32 11-27-2011, 11:53 AM

you might want to read chapter five of Max Lucado's book called "Fearless".
you can read the chapter here:
http://www.maxlucado.com/pdf/Fearless.ch5.pdf
here is an excerpt:

You can protect, pray, and
keep all the bogeymen at bay and still find yourself in an ER at midnight
or a drug rehab clinic on visitors’ Sunday, choosing between two
voices: despair and belief...

Jesus gathered the entire, albeit small, household in the presence of the
daughter.
And he banished unbelief. “Now all wept and mourned for her; but
He said, ‘Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.’ And they ridiculed
Him, knowing that she was dead. But He put them all outside” (vv.
52–54).
He commanded doubt to depart and permitted only faith and hope
to stay. And in this intimate circle of trust, Jesus “took her by the hand
and called, saying, ‘Little girl, arise.’ Then her spirit returned, and she
arose immediately. And He commanded that she be given something to
eat. And her parents were astonished” (vv. 54–56).
God has a heart for hurting parents. Should we be surprised? After
all, God himself is a father. What parental emotion has he not felt? Are
you separated from your child? So was God. Is someone mistreating your
child? They mocked and bullied his. Is someone taking advantage of your
children? The Son of God was set up by false testimony and betrayed by
a greedy follower. Are you forced to watch while your child suffers? God
watched his son on the cross. Do you find yourself wanting to spare your
child from all the hurt in the world? God did. But because of his great
love for us, “he did not spare his own Son but gave him for us all. So with
Jesus, God will surely give us all things” (Rom. 8:32 ncv).
“All things” must include courage and hope.
Some of you find the story of Jairus difficult to hear. You prayed the
same prayer he did, yet you found yourself in a cemetery facing every
parent’s darkest night: the death of your child. No pain compares. What
hope does the story of Jairus offer to you? Jesus resurrected Jairus’s
child. Why didn’t he save yours?
God understands your question. He buried a child too. He hates death more than you do. That’s why he killed it. He “abolished death and brought life and immortality to light” (2 Tim. 1:10). For those who
trust God, death is nothing more than a transition to heaven. Your child

may not be in your arms, but your child is safely in his.

jancy · #33 11-27-2011, 12:07 PM

don't want to overwhelm you with thoughts, but do want to tell you something I did for my son on the first christmas without him.

I went to the cemetery and lit a luminara for him. you know, a candle packed in sand in a white paper lunch bag. (I am not afraid in a cemetery at night...lol, I grew up with one in the back yard right behind my house in my old home town...that is where my son's body lies-but his spirit is with me.) the light glowing on his grave made me so peacefilled. It signified to me his light of life still shining in my heart and all around me.
if you do this, be sure the cemetery allows it and be sure you made a safe luminara!
you know that this is Advent sunday...the advent wreath signifies life without end...Amen maybe you would like to make an advent candle:

The circle of the wreath, which has no beginning or end, symbolizes the eternity of God, the immortality of the soul, and the everlasting life found in Christ. Any pine cones, nuts, or seedpods used to decorate the wreath also symbolize life and resurrection.

The four candles represent the four weeks of Advent. A tradition is that each week represents one thousand years, to sum to the 4,000 years from Adam and Eve until the Birth of the Savior. Three candles are purple and one is rose. The purple candles in particular symbolize the prayer, penance, and preparatory sacrifices and good works undertaken at this time. The rose candle is lit on the third Sunday, Gaudete Sunday, when the priest also wears rose vestments at Mass; Gaudete Sunday is the Sunday of rejoicing, because the faithful have arrived at the midpoint of Advent, when their preparation is now half over and they are close to Christmas. The progressive lighting of the candles symbolizes the expectation and hope surrounding our Lord’s first coming into the world and the anticipation of His second coming to judge the living and the dead.

Hope was what I needed to help me thru this life til I get to the other side. The last thing I said to my son as he was dying was "I'll see you when I get there!" He never opened his eyes but nodded his head "yes".

Abeca · #34 11-27-2011, 12:19 PM

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Anthony. I wish I could offer more than words, your story is heartbreaking. Be there for your granddaughter, be strong and you can offer that positive link to her father. At some point, you'll notice that each day gets a little easier and if not, please go talk to someone. And if you don't like how that person treats you, find another. Keep going. "When you are going through hell, keep going" (Churchill) Sending love and hugs.

Abeca · #35 11-27-2011, 12:24 PM

Thank you for all your beautiful words and insight. love and hugs to you, too!

tglsmom · #36 11-27-2011, 02:03 PM

I can't find the words to express how sad I feel at the loss of your son, Anthony. My son, who is also a drug addict, came close to losing his life and I couldn't imagine how I would survive if that happened. Many people here have survived the loss of a child and I know that they will be able to help you through this time.

You kindly asked us to share your story with our kids and I plan to copy it in a letter to my son. Even though he still has 7 years to go in prison, it is my hope that stories such as yours will help him stay clean now and after he is released. It may be that something positive will come out of this tragedy after all.

Please know that you will be in my thoughts and that I'm sending love and many prayers.

Verytiredmom · #37 11-27-2011, 03:10 PM

I am so sorry your are going through this pain. To lose a child is the worst pain. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. I also belive in Karma. It will come to those who let him die on purpose.
God Bless You and Yours.

Lordbew/us · #38 11-27-2011, 03:16 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine the pain of loosing a child. May GOD comfort you and give you His peace. Over time may your heartache become more bearable.
I heard a Pastor this morning on the radio, as I drove to visit my son, a woman/mother had called in. She was grief stricken and was so upset she could barely speak. She said her son had committed suicide. It was a year ago and she was still finding it hard to go on and understand. The Pastor listened to her and asked her quite a few questions. This mother was in such grief she had started to unknowingly push people away. He kindly told her that she needed to remember her son's life, not just his death. He wanted her to focus on the years of his life, the person he was etc...
That this would be what her son would want. I know it's hard to think about celebrating his life when you are in so much pain. Your grand daughter will love you for it. You need to let your grand daughter know just how special your son was and is.
Hugs to you!
My heart aches for your loss!

Tina · #39 11-27-2011, 03:24 PM

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I will be praying for all of you.

Bamagirl49 · #40 11-27-2011, 03:29 PM

Iam so sorry it happened to you and your family
It must be really hard for you to write this
Life is not easy it will get better with time
I'm in for the long run with my son
We love our children no matter what they have done
Hugs to you

Liz & Adam · #41 11-27-2011, 04:45 PM

I am so sorry to hear this. My deepest condolences on the loss of your son.

trustingGOD001 · #42 11-27-2011, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UserNamesRCrazy

Thank you all for your kind words. I just don't know how any Mother survives this. If it weren't for my Granddaughter - I probably would not be here today. The ONLY time I don't cry are when she's with me.

For those who have lost a child, how long did it take before you stopped crying every day?

FOR any of you having a loved one going through this horrible disease, don't give up on them, stand strong in your tough love stance, and feel free to share my story, please!!!

I lost my daughter 4 months ago and I still cry everyday. Sometimes several times a day. Belief in God comforts me because He promises me we will be together again.

Lisa 53 · #43 11-27-2011, 06:25 PM

My prayers go out to all. may God heal your heart and bring you peace and serenity

mates001 · #44 11-27-2011, 06:50 PM

Such a heavy heart for sure. I agree, a special new yearly tradition honoring Anthony and informing your granddaughter each year something new about him, something informing her how special he was and who's lives he touched.

**OffenderNoMore** · #45 11-27-2011, 06:56 PM

I am so sorry for you loss. My heart and prayers go out to you, your family, and his daughter. Drug addiction does suck the life out of the person using, it also sucks the life out of those who love the addict. My thoughts and prayers to you and yours are love, patience, strength, and in time, healing.
Shannon

szcunane · #46 11-27-2011, 08:03 PM

I am so sorry -- -you must be exhausted. the months of watching Anthony struggle . . and then to lose him. I am so glad that you get to see your granddaughter. as for the crying, I don't know when it will stop -- but its okay to grieve. you've had a HUGE loss in your life, and it will take time. You will be in my prayers in the days ahead.

CCmom · #47 11-27-2011, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UserNamesRCrazy

.....
RIP Anthony no one can hurt my son any longer, he's no longer in pain ... it's taken me since he died in July to come here and let you all know. Whew.

I am so very sorry. From a mother to another, there is no worst pain than that of having lost a child. I want you to know that you are in my thoughts tonight. I will light a candle in Antony's memory this coming Christmas Day.

dbd335 · #48 11-28-2011, 03:24 AM

words are so inadequate - i am so sorry for your loss - i do know that God is the source of strength and comfort - my prayers will be with you as your journey this painful road - please allow us to walk beside you and hold you up when you need it - then one day you will find that you are taking steps on your own and reaching out to comfort others in honor of your son -

Tracy147 · #49 11-28-2011, 04:31 AM

Such sorrow, I am so sorry. Its so hard when you try so hard to help your child move in the right direction, but watching them move the other way. We all know we cannot change them, as they have to change themselves. All we can do is love them, as you did so much. Bless your heart, so sad.

BeachMom · #50 11-28-2011, 10:24 AM

I am so sorry for your pain and loss.

We talk about the alternative here from time to time. We talk about if not for prison than what? The most horrible thing we can think of.

You are living it my friend. Thank you for posting your heartfelt words so that we can see what so many on here think about.

I pray that you find peace and comfort someday. RIP Anthony.

K