Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

guachita2 · #1 12-21-2011, 11:23 PM

Its like I know in my heart that he is no good for me. Eventhough we have two daughters together and it kills me because Ive always wanted one father for my children. Ive always had an opinion about kids with different baby daddys. He hasnt met our youngest one. He got locked up before I found out I was preggo. He has always cheated and I always knew it. I mean hes the most gorgeous man alive (in my eyes lol) hes very flirty very disrespectul. Hes like a addicting drug. I know hes bad for me but yet im so in love. And I dont have the strenght to leave. Everybodys says well now that hes not here it should be easy. Well let me tell you its not, in fact I think its harder because im all he has in this country. His fam is not in the U.S.A
He says were gona be the perfect family when he gets out, and that I will never have to worry about another woman ever again. I dont believe him. I have zero trust for him.

afirsttimer · #2 12-22-2011, 12:33 AM

Listen to your gut. That's all I can tell you because a woman's intuition is always right.

Lost_Angel · #3 12-22-2011, 02:33 AM

If there is no trust between you, then there can't be any relationship. A good, loving relationship requires trust, first and foremost.

CoNpal · #4 12-22-2011, 07:41 AM

This man is always going to be in your life because of the kids. I think you're going to have to reach deep down inside yourself to find strength to resist him. He's not worthy of your trust and you know it. Without trust, what do you really have? I could not live always wondering and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

guachita2 · #5 12-22-2011, 12:08 PM

Thank you guys for responding. All of you are def right. I know I should do all that, I just dont know where to start. Oh it is a horrible thing not to trust your loved one. Its a nightmare always thinking hes cheating on me. I seriously dont know how I lived with myself when he was out.

pisces317 · #6 12-22-2011, 01:06 PM

we can be our own worst enemy cause you know he's no good yet you love him,i knew my xx was a piece of shit but i ova looked all those facts and just stayed until i was'nt able to handle the hurt with a fake smile anymore,it's crazy how we love these losers and they just dont ever get it,mamacita the one thing i do know is that kids fix nothing and we hurt them forcing daddy to relate to something he has nothing associate with being a daddy,you may want all your kids with the same daddy ,but who's losing you getting your wish or those kids who need a daddy always not sometimes,if he really cared about not having no support other than you in the states he would get his act together and not even the kids made him change

CWLG · #7 12-24-2011, 12:06 PM

Right now I'm going through the grieving process of ending my relationship after 17 years. (I don't even know how I managed to stay so off and on for that length of time) My man doesn't do closure and it took me a while to learn that he likes to keep me on the back burner when he's not getting much attention from anyone else. I used to think he really needed me in his life when he kept coming back to me time and time again, it's been a real hard lesson to now understand that's not how it is. The only advice I can offer anyone when they have moments of weakness, is to remember all the things that used to hurt you. I still remember an evening when he called me and I was laid up with a bad back, I was off my face on valium because the pain was so bad. When I had finished telling him what was up, he began talking phone sex. The sympathy and understanding came a few days later when he had time to think about it, it was an after thought. Lately I've been reading up a lot on Narcissism. At first I had to put it down because it was just too painful to realise and I went into denial. Then I forced myself to go back and read it all over again. It has been a very painful experience to finally understand that the man I loved has deep seated issues and there is nothing I can do about it. This guy was just mirroring me and inventing a character for me to fall in love with. Now I have been devalued and discarded because he has other interests and I'm probably too boring now. It helps me a lot to finally understand what happened and I wish to God I had been more knowledgeable before I went into this relationship, I've lost 17 years of my life in chaos and confusion, it was like being in the twilight zone. There will never be closure between us physicaly because I am only an object to him now, something he can pick up at a later date when there is nothing else for him to do. I'm having to do closure for myself and I'm on medication to help me do that. I've hardly had to take medication in my life and now I suffer from panic attacks and regular melt downs. I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I let myself become this reduced. I can't pity him yet because I need to deal with myself first, but in time I will end up pitying him for the chaos he needs to cause in his own life. Right now, I just want to be healthy and beautiful again and it's going to take time. I pray a lot and I tell God I'm so sorry for wasting my life for so long. When you are having doubts about not being strong enough to break away from a bad habit, just remember the times you had to smile when you were really hurting, the times when really you were just being abused but you didn't really want to admit it. Think about the kind of future you really do want and deserve, then face up to the fact that nobody is going to give it to you on a plate (especially not a convict), you really do have to do it for yourself but first you have to start believing you have every right in the world to happiness and peace. Right now I'm getting the silent treatment from my guy ( for probably the 1000th time). I'm using this time to make myself stronger so I'M ready to do the closure when he decides I'm good enough to be graced with his presence. The truth is I already know I'm too good and right now that's a very good start. Take care ladies and may your christmas be full of peace and the kind of love you all deserve.

Fancy · #8 12-24-2011, 01:34 PM

Yes, I know there outta be a law against being so scrumptious, right?

These men wield their handsomeness like a weapon, and we poor females get caught up in it...

All of his ladies probably feel the same way you do!

sojuma11 · #9 12-24-2011, 02:06 PM

I know everybody is going to tell you to leave him, but I won't cause you love him and at the end if the day you're still down with him. You can't say anything to make him him loyal but all I can say is that if you going to be around, accept him with all his flaws because that's who he is.

FastCarGirl · #10 12-25-2011, 03:56 AM

You asked "How". There are "stages of change"...and it sounds like you are in the "contemplation" stage...your thinking about it. You know you need to do it, but you're not ready to let go. You can learn more about this at:
http://www.cellinteractive.com/ucla/...es_change.html

But how? Only you can decide. Are you a "rip the band aid off" quickly or slowly type of person? Is it easier for you to jump on in, head first? Or do you take your time and slowly test the waters?

Cutting all ties, blocking his number, removing all traces of him in one fell swoop is one way. Another is to start distancing yourself and back off slowly. Write less. Go out more. Not pick up the phone every time it rings. Go the "just be friends" route. No one can tell you how to do it exactly, because each relationship is different, each person unique and what might work for some, won't for others. But I am sorry you're going through all this, I wish you the best & Merry Christmas!