Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Sad_Eyes · #1 02-07-2012, 06:49 PM

I was just wondering if anyone has trouble understanding their man because the two of you have different ways of expressing yourselves. This seems to be the biggest problem in my relationship with my bf, and we usually end up fighting and feeling misunderstood by each other because of it. Can we find a way to see eye to eye, even though we have different communications styles? Any advice?

queenlynch · #2 02-07-2012, 06:58 PM

You guys have an opportunity to open up your worlds a little. Different styles doesn't have to be an obstacle, it can be a fun exploration into each other's culture or individual beliefs, ways, ideas. It may be frustrating to have to explain a lot at first, but patients will reward each of you with a better understanding of each other. Ask questions, with the right tone in your voice, and pay good attention to the answers. Even paying attention to the little details about communication like tone or inflection can help you learn how to understand one another.

Keep a positive attitude and you will have what you are looking for before you know it.

MrsDB · #3 02-07-2012, 07:06 PM

I agree ^^^ you have to be patient. Me and my babe have different ways of communication. He doesnt like to say much whereas I say watever is on my mind and im very blunt with my word choices. We do argue when we arent on the same page. We both use this time to find out what we like and what works for us.

R. Lindsey · #4 02-07-2012, 07:11 PM

When our conversation starts turning into an argument I just say "I love you" out of the blue and if he keeps running his mouth I just say "I love you" again and it usually gets his attention and he says it back then. But I just tell him that there has to be a way to get over our bad spells because we know we love each other too much to break up and go our ways so we gotta figure out how to deal with our issues. What I found that helps us is I try to keep him encouraged and lifted up in letters and always tell him I'm so proud of him and so honored to have him in my life, etc. That way he feels loved and important and he in turn tries to make me feel that way. But when he starts arguing you gotta take charge & control over the situation and figure out how you need to explain things in a way that he can accept and understand.

**LeBeau** · #5 02-07-2012, 07:24 PM

Read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

Much of it is kinda crap but the communication and conflict resolution advice is exceptional.

Sad_Eyes · #6 02-07-2012, 10:12 PM

I just feel like when I try to explain anything that frustrates me, he completely shuts down. I am also definitely the wordy one and he doesn't usually express a lot. I do get somewhat of a better response when I write him about my feelings. It is hard though, because often when I do that he thinks I am attacking him about something. We need to work this out. I do say "I love you" when I can't figure out how to stop arguing and it does usually work, but we still usually have not resolved the issue. I find myself becoming resentful when I bring this subject of communication up and he dismisses it.

Sad_Eyes · #7 02-07-2012, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeBeau

Read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

Much of it is kinda crap but the communication and conflict resolution advice is exceptional.

I have been meaning to look into this book. Also someone mentioned something about "The 7 Languages of Love" ? I think that is the title. I heard that was also good for communication issues. I think a trip to my local library is in order!

Beachhouse · #8 02-07-2012, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeBeau

Read "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

Much of it is kinda crap but the communication and conflict resolution advice is exceptional.

I had to wait 40 mins for my guy last weekend and the only non bible, non spanish book was this. I read half. Seemed very much written by a male as the female is directed to change to accommodate the guy but he's ever told to do that. What happened to compromise? Some of conflict resolution was good. Maybe the better stuff is in the last half. Next time I will read the end.

natemylove · #9 02-07-2012, 10:58 PM

My babe tells me I'm hardheaded and dont listen, ya really have to figure out if it's really worth fighting over?????????

BadGrlGoneGood · #10 02-07-2012, 11:58 PM

It can take years of exploring each other and getting to know one another. Trial and error. That's the way we did it and it took us like 5 or 6 years to get it right. But if the passion is there, you'll figure it out. The main part is being sympathetic towards one another and trying to listen more than talk, giving each other space, and maintaining a level of respect. It's hard but it can definitely be done.

Sheryl P. · #11 02-08-2012, 12:20 AM

I think the challenge in our relationship is that he is much more able to express himself in person but since he is in shu and we can't have phone calls and only see each other an hour per month,it is hard.
I have to be non-confrontational since he also tends to just shut down if I get fustrated.It is a good exercise in acting like a mature adult when sometimes I would rather just let him have it.

NeverDull · #12 02-08-2012, 04:06 AM

I sometimes have trouble understanding my man because of our different cultures and language. I remember when we first met and we were texting about something and I called him silly....he said I was being rude. I was like WTF?? He didn't understand the context. He's a very passionate man and I used to think he was yelling at me sometimes when he WASN'T...I would start crying and he would be so confused...it's just the Romanian in him that makes him speak with a lot of passion and I was misinterpreting it. Our communication skills and his ability to express his emotions has been a HUGE blessing in disguise about his incarceration. We had to realize that we WANT to be together and will always trust each other to work things out. We also had to learn what battles to pick. Sometimes there are things that are just not worth fighting over. Now when I start to worry about something he said, I have to tell myself to calm down and remember he loves me and would never want to hurt me...look at is from a different angle and maybe I will understand it. If not, then I wait until he can call me and we can discuss the situation. It's just a lot of exploring and working on the relationship.