Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > When the Relationship is Over...
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices

When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #51  
Old 02-27-2012, 04:51 PM
thatwiz thatwiz is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,901
Thanks: 751
Thanked 2,567 Times in 1,313 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TraeNBoo View Post
SERIOUSLY? You wouldn't be mad if your husband secretly had a trailer visit with his ex? Yeah OK....
I wouldn't care if old boy had a six hour visit with baby mama. She's always going to be around. I would trust him. I know they are not getting back together-she left him finally because of me, because he refused to leave me. Is there any trick she could try that he would fall for-Nope. The "secretly" part is the problem. I understand he didn't want an argument but the truth is what it is. I know my hubby would say and if I was mad at him, I'll be mad at him, but he doesn't keep things to himself for fear of an argument-thats the biggest problem. Not that he's going to be around a woman-he'll be around plenty of women when he's out-who cares-if you can't trust him locked up, you won't when he gets out. The omission of the facts is what i see her problem is. Thats what I would have issue with regarding him as I don't know if he's being honest about their relationship and his other relationships.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to thatwiz For This Useful Post:
auburnbeauty (02-27-2012)
Sponsored Links
  #52  
Old 02-27-2012, 04:53 PM
I<3luismercado I<3luismercado is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 40
Thanks: 0
Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts
Default

I think we all agree he's wrong for keeping this from you. He should have told you regardless of your threats to leave. Whether or not you like the childs mother or not you should have no say on how he chooses to spend time with his daughter.

I have a six year old and I would jump on the chance for my son to get some one on one time with his daddy. Visits in the visiting room are not that personal especially for a child who wants to wrestle and climb all over the parent. Although, they are children they too have to follow the rules of the prison which can be tough on a child who dont understand yet why their parent cant chase them or why their shush'd when they're laughing out loud.

I understand that your upset and you don't trust this other woman but you should be able to trust your man and know that he wouldnt do anything inappropriate. I hope I don't offend you by saying this but from what I've read you clearly have trust issues and a little obsessed with this woman. Seriously, checking to see if she still has a bench warrant and checking out her facebook......you mentioned she's "drama" and "scandalous" then why torture yourself by reading or care what she has to say? Honestly, the only person you should be worried about is whats best for the child. And I bet spending six hours alone with her father for the first time was probably amazing and day she'll never forget.

I really do hope things work out for the best for ALL of you.
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 02-27-2012, 06:58 PM
Humuma's Avatar
Humuma Humuma is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 93
Thanks: 4
Thanked 21 Times in 17 Posts
Default

I can understand u feeling tge way u do. Ive been in some bad relationships and it definately plays a part in how I am now. Always overanalyzing and expecting the worst from my SO...i tend to make my LO pay for whats been done to me in the past. Sounds like we have some things in common
Ur not wrong for being mad. When someones been down for a while and they have alone time with an ex that throws herself at ur man, well,id feel the same...its definately unhealthy and only u can decide if u can live with the jealousy and distrust. In the end tho, it only leaves u more scarred(sp?) And damaged for tge next person who has nothing but the best of intentions but cant love u past ur issues...thats just my opinion..good luck,keep us posted
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 02-27-2012, 07:25 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Registered User

Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 19,930
Thanks: 2,438
Thanked 20,194 Times in 7,620 Posts
Default

You need to back down. So does he. And until the phone calls start again it's a moot point. You're so paranoid about the ex that you do indeed sound like you've made yourself unapproachable, and if he wants to be a father, he has only limited ways for that to happen, which he unfortunately couldn't share with you.

Wait for the call, and when it's time to talk, you start SOFTLY with hurt feelings rather than accusations. Ask if he had a good time with his daughter!
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
curegirl (02-27-2012)
  #55  
Old 02-27-2012, 07:57 PM
mrs.marks's Avatar
mrs.marks mrs.marks is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: United States, Florida
Posts: 339
Thanks: 271
Thanked 178 Times in 116 Posts
Default

If I were you, I wouldn't be giving up just yet. Your attitude towards the whole situation is awesome, but at least give him a chance to explain and let you know exactly what it is he wants. If you give up without talking to him again you'll always wonder if he would have tried to fight for you. I understand why you wouldn't want him to have a trailer visit with her. When a man goes without sex for so long, usually he'll try to find a way to make it happen if he has a chance. But if he really is so devoted to his daughter he probably didn't want to spend a single minute without holding onto her. I know that's what my husband does when I take my daughter. And it really would be so much easier on us if we had trailer visits in my state. My daughter is just a baby, so the guards let a lot of things slide, but she wants to run around and play and she just can't do that when we're in the visiting room. She's expected to sit still and be quiet for the entire 6 hour visit.

Also, I don't care if he felt you were unapproachable about the situation, I definitely think you have a right to be mad about him lying to you. A trailer visit probably was the best way for him to visit with his daughter, and he should be allowed to spend time with her that way. But whether it would have made you mad or not, he should have told you. Would you really have left him if he would have told you he was having a trailer visit? Or would you have tried to understand and see it from his point of view? I'd at least wait until you get a phone call before you decide to just give up. Unless you're just sick of the stress of everything and the whole relationship, and this one incident is just the straw that broke the camel's back.
__________________






The months they don't matter, it's the days I can't take. Where the hours move to minutes, and I'm seconds away.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to mrs.marks For This Useful Post:
_lovingly (03-28-2012)
  #56  
Old 02-27-2012, 09:47 PM
Midnyghtcloud's Avatar
Midnyghtcloud Midnyghtcloud is offline
Missin him like crazy!!
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Portsmouth, Ohio
Posts: 164
Thanks: 12
Thanked 44 Times in 29 Posts
Default

I feel that God brings people in our lives, for whatever reason, and they are meant sometimes as a stepping stone towards the one God knows you need for the rest of your life. I feel for you, and hope you don't make any rash descions. You seem like a great girl with a huge heart. I'm here for you anytime. Vanessa
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 02-28-2012, 05:34 AM
SugarBabyDoll31's Avatar
SugarBabyDoll31 SugarBabyDoll31 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 46
Thanks: 8
Thanked 39 Times in 17 Posts
Default

I had a nightmare last night that she came to my house 5 months pregnant. I have been up since 3 a.m. I am so tempted to check her FB page so maybe I have become obsessed.... It's not even maybe I check her page along with her whole family. I have never been so interested in anyone's life before. I feel horrible this morning. I felt so much better yesterday. I cried all the way to work. This is the worst feeling ever. And I was DEFINITELY NOT approachable about the whole situation. I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and feel sorry for myself. UGH - I brought some of this on myself and I know that but this is terrible. Does it ever get better? I have taken to not wearing eyeliner to work so that if I break down crying I won't look like some disgraced prom queen. ;-)
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 02-28-2012, 06:27 AM
SugarBabyDoll31's Avatar
SugarBabyDoll31 SugarBabyDoll31 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 46
Thanks: 8
Thanked 39 Times in 17 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nimuay View Post
You need to back down. So does he. And until the phone calls start again it's a moot point. You're so paranoid about the ex that you do indeed sound like you've made yourself unapproachable, and if he wants to be a father, he has only limited ways for that to happen, which he unfortunately couldn't share with you.

Wait for the call, and when it's time to talk, you start SOFTLY with hurt feelings rather than accusations. Ask if he had a good time with his daughter!
I need some time before I can even approach this situation. I really don't want to talk to him right now because I don't know what would come out of my mouth. I actually gave my phone (I have a phone with an area code just for him) to my friend. I told her to tell him I just need some time. I think the sound of his voice right now would make me either have some sort of emotional breakdown or make me really angry.
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 02-28-2012, 08:10 AM
MartinezWifey MartinezWifey is offline
Banned
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 866
Thanks: 8
Thanked 320 Times in 193 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarBabyDoll31
I had a nightmare last night that she came to my house 5 months pregnant. I have been up since 3 a.m. I am so tempted to check her FB page so maybe I have become obsessed.... It's not even maybe I check her page along with her whole family. I have never been so interested in anyone's life before. I feel horrible this morning. I felt so much better yesterday. I cried all the way to work. This is the worst feeling ever. And I was DEFINITELY NOT approachable about the whole situation. I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and feel sorry for myself. UGH - I brought some of this on myself and I know that but this is terrible. Does it ever get better? I have taken to not wearing eyeliner to work so that if I break down crying I won't look like some disgraced prom queen. ;-)
I did that for a long time after my husband got locked up. Lol. I bought super duper water proof mascara that you had to practically take a sledge hammer to get it off.

**cheyenne**
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 02-28-2012, 08:16 AM
MANDI.LICIOUS MANDI.LICIOUS is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 2,611
Thanks: 13
Thanked 932 Times in 648 Posts
Default

I think u need to think about this is another view point and realize that yes u are upset but he did what he did for reasons you gave him and hear him out before you go off in left field when u are at that point write him tell him you wanna hear his side then make a rational decision
Reply With Quote
  #61  
Old 02-28-2012, 08:53 AM
SugarBabyDoll31's Avatar
SugarBabyDoll31 SugarBabyDoll31 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 46
Thanks: 8
Thanked 39 Times in 17 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MartinezWifey View Post
I did that for a long time after my husband got locked up. Lol. I bought super duper water proof mascara that you had to practically take a sledge hammer to get it off.

**cheyenne**
I know the feeling now Cheyenne!!! I was driving to work listening to I'll Always Love you sobbing and thinking even without the eyeliner my mascara was going to run..... I definitely won't be rocking out to that on my way home. I need to grab some water proof make up.
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:40 AM
Tjames85's Avatar
Tjames85 Tjames85 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 759
Thanks: 970
Thanked 851 Times in 404 Posts
Default

I am sorry but this whole thing is absolutely disgusting. You said you use to be about you, you, you. You still are. I think this man is better off without you. You have too many issues and will always cause him trouble. This woman will ALWAYS be in his life and there is NOTHING you can do about it. She is the mother of his child and they will ALWAYS have to communicate because of that. The thought that you wouldn't want a grown man to share 6 tender hours with his daughter away from the prying nosy eyes of other prisoners is horrible. Do you think he wants her in that environment. That's his daughter, his princess. He wanted 6 hours of alone time away from all the BS that is prison. He wanted to feel normal with her for just a moment. Yes it was wrong for him to lie. I respect him for choosing his daughter over you.
__________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe

Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tjames85 For This Useful Post:
slimlady1937 (03-03-2012)
  #63  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:46 AM
Tjames85's Avatar
Tjames85 Tjames85 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 759
Thanks: 970
Thanked 851 Times in 404 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MartinezWifey View Post
It's more personal. It sucks with kids visiting. Daddy can't get up. Can't really play. can't wrestle around.

**cheyenne**
Exactly a trailer visit is more personal. I am actually sick to my stomach that anyone wouldn't want their man to have a trailer visit with his child, baby mama be d*mned. Who would twll their lover the only way you can see your daughter is in a regular visit with dozens of other prisoners around watching how you interact with your child. Who wouldn't want their man to be away from the other inmates in the company of his daughter.
__________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe

Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:47 AM
SugarBabyDoll31's Avatar
SugarBabyDoll31 SugarBabyDoll31 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 46
Thanks: 8
Thanked 39 Times in 17 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tjames85 View Post
I am sorry but this whole thing is absolutely disgusting. You said you use to be about you, you, you. You still are. I think this man is better off without you. You have too many issues and will always cause him trouble. This woman will ALWAYS be in his life and there is NOTHING you can do about it. She is the mother of his child and they will ALWAYS have to communicate because of that. The thought that you wouldn't want a grown man to share 6 tender hours with his daughter away from the prying nosy eyes of other prisoners is horrible. Do you think he wants her in that environment. That's his daughter, his princess. He wanted 6 hours of alone time away from all the BS that is prison. He wanted to feel normal with her for just a moment. Yes it was wrong for him to lie. I respect him for choosing his daughter over you.
Seriously, you don't even know me... I have been in his life for years and until now we haven't had any drama. I am NOT a selfish person. If I was selfish I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone in prison that can't offer me anything but love. If I was selfish I wouldn't be out here working my a** off to make a life for us when he gets out. Again, you don't know me and I don't really care what you think about me. I admit that I made mistakes but no one is perfect. The only thing I find disgusting is you passing judgement on someone you don't even know.
Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:49 AM
SugarBabyDoll31's Avatar
SugarBabyDoll31 SugarBabyDoll31 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 46
Thanks: 8
Thanked 39 Times in 17 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tjames85 View Post
Exactly a trailer visit is more personal. I am actually sick to my stomach that anyone wouldn't want their man to have a trailer visit with his child, baby mama be d*mned. Who would twll their lover the only way you can see your daughter is in a regular visit with dozens of other prisoners around watching how you interact with your child. Who wouldn't want their man to be away from the other inmates in the company of his daughter.
Really, you're sick to your stomach? So am I.... What exactly is twll? I couldn't find it in the dictionary?
Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:54 AM
Tjames85's Avatar
Tjames85 Tjames85 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 759
Thanks: 970
Thanked 851 Times in 404 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarBabyDoll31 View Post
Seriously, you don't even know me... I have been in his life for years and until now we haven't had any drama. I am NOT a selfish person. If I was selfish I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone in prison that can't offer me anything but love. If I was selfish I wouldn't be out here working my a** off to make a life for us when he gets out. Again, you don't know me and I don't really care what you think about me. I admit that I made mistakes but no one is perfect. The only thing I find disgusting is you passing judgement on someone you don't even know.

I know YOU tried to limit how the man you LOVE INTERACTS with his DAUGHTER. That is disgusting. His daughter is the most important thing in his life NOT YOU.
__________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe

Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:56 AM
SugarBabyDoll31's Avatar
SugarBabyDoll31 SugarBabyDoll31 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 46
Thanks: 8
Thanked 39 Times in 17 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tjames85 View Post
I know YOU tried to limit how the man you LOVE INTERACTS with his DAUGHTER. That is disgusting. His daughter is the most important thing in his life NOT YOU.
Again, you don't know me and I don't care what you think.
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 02-28-2012, 11:57 AM
Tjames85's Avatar
Tjames85 Tjames85 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 759
Thanks: 970
Thanked 851 Times in 404 Posts
Default

Why do you find it acceptable to let your pain from your ex and your feelings for his baby mama force you to tell him what kind of visits he can have for his daughter.
__________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe

Reply With Quote
  #69  
Old 02-28-2012, 12:06 PM
Klewis's Avatar
Klewis Klewis is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 3,733
Thanks: 2,893
Thanked 4,042 Times in 1,720 Posts
Default

The only reason you would be getting upset is if what TJames said hit a nerve. So instead of getting upset why don't you ask yourself what is it that she said frustrated you and if what she said could have some truth to it. No she does not know you so why would what she said even made you upset? Sometimes we have to look deep at ourselves and deal with the core issue. Maybe its good things are at a stand still right now so you can focus on yourself because the rate your going no man wants to have to choose between his daughter and his woman unless he is a deadbeat. Now my Fiance' does not get trailer visit so I don't know how I would feel if he did have one with his child's mother but I know my Fiance' would fix it so that I would be okay with it.
__________________





To the world you might just be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Klewis For This Useful Post:
soalone17 (03-01-2012)
  #70  
Old 02-28-2012, 12:15 PM
MANDI.LICIOUS MANDI.LICIOUS is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 2,611
Thanks: 13
Thanked 932 Times in 648 Posts
Default

This is why I thank God my husband has no kids with anyone else

*MANDI Y TITI*
Reply With Quote
  #71  
Old 02-28-2012, 12:25 PM
#1AndOnly #1AndOnly is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Out of my mind
Posts: 10,244
Thanks: 11,986
Thanked 10,297 Times in 5,517 Posts
Default

I am coming late into the post, I am sorry you are hurting ... you have invested alot of time and emotions into this and now you are free falling w/out knowing what is going on and the 1 person who caused it is the 1 person you would have leaned on.
I can see you are tearing yourself up with guilt over what you did or how you acted in regards to his daughter. It's not my place to judge. You need to come to terms with that and learn from it.
I do feel he and you owe each other a conversation (or 10 ) before anything permanent is determined .. he has a right to share his side and I think you maybe have a want to share your apologies over how you were about his daughter ... honestly I don't see this as "over" yet ... but either way I just want to give you a big ol because it's so obvious .. your pain is coming off my screen in waves and I'm so sorry you are going through this, regardless of the reason !
Reply With Quote
  #72  
Old 02-28-2012, 01:26 PM
gingers's Avatar
gingers gingers is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: OH USA
Posts: 373
Thanks: 109
Thanked 351 Times in 142 Posts
Default

Up at 3am, nightmares... I'm so sorry, this is a mess to deal with no matter what.

It looks like many posters have already said thoughts I align with, so I'll leave it at that. I just want to say one thing...

I am really taken aback by the comments from women who plainly state that the OP is to blame for her husband's lying to her.

That's nuts. He had choices; tell her or not tell her. And he chose to be evasive. Motives aside, I never want a woman to hear that it's her fault someone lied to her.
Maybe not the healthiest relationship is being described here, and maybe he felt that being evasive was his 'best' option, but she didn't force him to lie.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to gingers For This Useful Post:
Deme (03-09-2012), Klewis (02-28-2012), Olderthanmost (02-29-2012), SugarBabyDoll31 (02-28-2012), TraeNBoo (02-29-2012)
  #73  
Old 02-28-2012, 05:13 PM
MartinezWifey MartinezWifey is offline
Banned
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 866
Thanks: 8
Thanked 320 Times in 193 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tjames85
Who would twll their lover the only way you can see your daughter is in a regular visit with dozens of other prisoners around watching how you interact with your child. Who wouldn't want their man to be away from the other inmates in the company of his daughter.
I am so glad I am not the only one! I think you came about it the wrong way, but I thought it super odd as well. A grown woman giving a grown man a list that he must follow to see his daughter. I'm not saying it's ok to lie but if it had been me and mine it never would have been an issue.
I hope they can work it out. It's rough as hell dealing with your man locked up. Throw in a crazy ex and it doesn't help matters any.

**cheyenne**
Reply With Quote
  #74  
Old 02-28-2012, 05:14 PM
MartinezWifey MartinezWifey is offline
Banned
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 866
Thanks: 8
Thanked 320 Times in 193 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gingers
Up at 3am, nightmares... I'm so sorry, this is a mess to deal with no matter what.

It looks like many posters have already said thoughts I align with, so I'll leave it at that. I just want to say one thing...

I am really taken aback by the comments from women who plainly state that the OP is to blame for her husband's lying to her.

That's nuts. He had choices; tell her or not tell her. And he chose to be evasive. Motives aside, I never want a woman to hear that it's her fault someone lied to her.
Maybe not the healthiest relationship is being described here, and maybe he felt that being evasive was his 'best' option, but she didn't force him to lie.
I don't think it's ok he lied but I feel he didnt feel like he had a choice. The while situation is sad. I'm wondering if he had called yet.

**cheyenne**
Reply With Quote
  #75  
Old 02-28-2012, 05:22 PM
Humuma's Avatar
Humuma Humuma is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 93
Thanks: 4
Thanked 21 Times in 17 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MartinezWifey

I don't think it's ok he lied but I feel he didnt feel like he had a choice. The while situation is sad. I'm wondering if he had called yet.

**cheyenne**
Im wondering if hes called yet too!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:59 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2013 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics