Tell me I am not the only one this happens to !

[mrsp17985]

Girl's I need a few word's to get me back in focus today. My hubby and I are MBI ,18 years ago last December. We have a long crazy history,and our ties are deeply rooted . We have our short term and long term goals in place,our faith is in God first then eachother. We have a good rhythm,with so many years behind us as friends and "homies" we cut most the B.S out. Now girls,you know for us ,whether we are moms or students ,life keeps us moving ,running from one place to another ,just to do it all over again tomorrow . On a "Normal" day I don't really give much thought about my man being in prison. It don't seem to have time to pop up ( I have 3kiddos and he has 2 and we have one ) so my mind is on quence practice's,hickeys,and some dumb over priced bike with a funny name,not to mention kindergarten class pics,cup cakes and our Food4Less bill every month! Then I get that one odd ,unexpected moment of quiet. When for some reason all the kid's are no where in eyes view or an ear shoot. It could be at Target,Mc.Donalds,or my mothers . However it 9 outta 10 is at night when I find myself alone on the sofa,or in our bed....I remember that my husband is a Lifer. He has 30-Life with the possibility of parole,parole eligible in 10 more years...10....and did you catch that important part ..."with the POSSIBILITY of parole....he has no sure date...he could never come home. That is when the heavy breathing starts,I get light headed ,and feel insane pressure on my chest! I completely have a melt down ! I swear the next time he calls I'm gunna beg him to come ...never home? No goodnight kisses,daughters first dates,or son's finally dating only one young lady! We won't even be able to to be beside one an other at illness or death if he does not come home . So I cry myself out real good ,then just as fast as it came ....its gone and I'm back to holding dwn out home. I am heart broken at the thought of him never being able to come home. Will there ever be a time when we just accept it and stop crying ? Or will we hide the pain ,with life and all of its day to day tasks until one day we wake up and we are grey haired women ,with an empty nest and boxes of letters ,and an empty spot beside ours in bed as its been as long as we can remember .. I cry even now,at the thought of the depth of my love for that man. I will wait for him in this life ,and with God in the next. Thanks in advance for letting me vent girls !

:Mrs.Mouse :

[SthrnGirl77]

It's hard but realize that there is the possibility that he may come home. I wish my love had that possibility, that hope. But if he never does look at it this way: This life is very short but eternity is forever. It is hard for people to look beyond the immediate and the physical. God willing you will be reunited one day and what a true homecoming that will be!

[faithwalk12]

I understand the up and down feelings. My hubby only has 10 years but he has had 2 heart attacks and won't get out til he is in his mid 70's. I keep busy and try not to think about it, but there is always the possibility that he will never make it home. when I start thinking about that, it hits me hard. Life was not supposed to end on such a note. We should be together in our old age. Thanks, SthrnGirl for reminding me that life is short and we can only do what we can do and then turn it over to God.

[mrsp17985]

Originally Posted by SthrnGirl77

It's hard but realize that there is the possibility that he may come home. I wish my love had that possibility, that hope. But if he never does look at it this way: This life is very short but eternity is forever. It is hard for people to look beyond the immediate and the physical. God willing you will be reunited one day and what a true homecoming that will be!

You brought me the sweetest smile ,thank you . I know that heaven is real,and I know that you are 100% right,in this life we will prepare for our life with God,he and I will try to set our wrongs right threw the power of our love. Thank you,you honestly helped more then you will knw.

:Mrs.Mouse :

[mrsp17985]

Originally Posted by faithwalk12

I understand the up and down feelings. My hubby only has 10 years but he has had 2 heart attacks and won't get out til he is in his mid 70's. I keep busy and try not to think about it, but there is always the possibility that he will never make it home. when I start thinking about that, it hits me hard. Life was not supposed to end on such a note. We should be together in our old age. Thanks, SthrnGirl for reminding me that life is short and we can only do what we can do and then turn it over to God.

Oh girl,5,10,15 ...its all to much time away . The over sentencing of these men is just out of controle! In Ca.,just firing a gun without even having to harm anyone is an automatic life sentence....yet a child pedafile ,who would abuse his own daughter ,is able to testify against my man and in doing so his word gets my man a life sentence and him a pardon ! It's so sad and twisted . Yes ,Sthrngirl thank you once more ,it helps to speak with a wife who knws how I hurt yet luv. Only an other P.Wife could know.

:Mrs.Mouse :

[yubnag]

Originally Posted by mrsp17985

Girl's I need a few word's to get me back in focus today. My hubby and I are MBI ,18 years ago last December. We have a long crazy history,and our ties are deeply rooted . We have our short term and long term goals in place,our faith is in God first then eachother. We have a good rhythm,with so many years behind us as friends and "homies" we cut most the B.S out. Now girls,you know for us ,whether we are moms or students ,life keeps us moving ,running from one place to another ,just to do it all over again tomorrow . On a "Normal" day I don't really give much thought about my man being in prison. It don't seem to have time to pop up ( I have 3kiddos and he has 2 and we have one ) so my mind is on quence practice's,hickeys,and some dumb over priced bike with a funny name,not to mention kindergarten class pics,cup cakes and our Food4Less bill every month! Then I get that one odd ,unexpected moment of quiet. When for some reason all the kid's are no where in eyes view or an ear shoot. It could be at Target,Mc.Donalds,or my mothers . However it 9 outta 10 is at night when I find myself alone on the sofa,or in our bed....I remember that my husband is a Lifer. He has 30-Life with the possibility of parole,parole eligible in 10 more years...10....and did you catch that important part ..."with the POSSIBILITY of parole....he has no sure date...he could never come home. That is when the heavy breathing starts,I get light headed ,and feel insane pressure on my chest! I completely have a melt down ! I swear the next time he calls I'm gunna beg him to come ...never home? No goodnight kisses,daughters first dates,or son's finally dating only one young lady! We won't even be able to to be beside one an other at illness or death if he does not come home . So I cry myself out real good ,then just as fast as it came ....its gone and I'm back to holding dwn out home. I am heart broken at the thought of him never being able to come home. Will there ever be a time when we just accept it and stop crying ? Or will we hide the pain ,with life and all of its day to day tasks until one day we wake up and we are grey haired women ,with an empty nest and boxes of letters ,and an empty spot beside ours in bed as its been as long as we can remember .. I cry even now,at the thought of the depth of my love for that man. I will wait for him in this life ,and with God in the next. Thanks in advance for letting me vent girls !

:Mrs.Mouse :

Awww, Mrs. Mouse, this is so bittersweet. I assure you right now, I go through such anxiety and panic attacks too. The only way for me to recover is to consider my life with or without him. My life with him is the unbearable reality of limitations, of being captives in love, of facing the many faces of doing prison time, to be misunderstood by many, to miss him miserably and he can't embrace me. But my life without him is, forever without him, to be tormented with the maiming reality of always having a void, a heart never really fixed, a memory that will haunt me for eons, of missing him and never having him to comfort me, of being a constant wanderer of "what if's". And that is the reality I cannot live in. So, I choose him and I'll fight with him, and wait for him.

It's the strength of ladies like you and the beauty of love like yours that I look to, whether it's just a notion or approval, to live this life that he and I have been blessed with. Because of ladies like yourself, I know someone understands and approves of my choices.

Blessed be!

[mrsp17985]

Originally Posted by yubnag

Awww, Mrs. Mouse, this is so bittersweet. I assure you right now, I go through such anxiety and panic attacks too. The only way for me to recover is to consider my life with or without him. My life with him is the unbearable reality of limitations, of being captives in love, of facing the many faces of doing prison time, to be misunderstood by many, to miss him miserably and he can't embrace me. But my life without him is, forever without him, to be tormented with the maiming reality of always having a void, a heart never really fixed, a memory that will haunt me for eons, of missing him and never having him to comfort me, of being a constant wanderer of "what if's". And that is the reality I cannot live in. So, I choose him and I'll fight with him, and wait for him.

It's the strength of ladies like you and the beauty of love like yours that I look to, whether it's just a notion or approval, to live this life that he and I have been blessed with. Because of ladies like yourself, I know someone understands and approves of my choices.

Blessed be!

Yubnag:
Thank you chica for sharing your pain with me. It is like a warm hug from a best friend who has and or is going threw the same feelings. This is such a different life we take on ,and our power and strength comes from God first and always. Then it comes from our men....but there is no better SUPORT then that of an other woman who feels the exact guttural ache and heart jumping joy for her man as you do for yours. I value your kind words and thank you for your SUPORT I would like to extend mine to you as well ! Many blessing's to you and your loved one

:Mrs.Mouse :

[KaRaeBlue]

Originally Posted by mrsp17985

I cry even now,at the thought of the depth of my love for that man. I will wait for him in this life ,and with God in the next

Your statement is the reason we wait. The reason we're strong. The reason we hold down the fort in hopes he'll make it back to us, the depth of our love!

So many people go thru life without loving so deep it hurts, without fighting for a cause, or giving up their selfish ways for another person. Yes it's hard. There's no "normal" payoff, our payoff is being loved and loving whole heartedly......and that is what everyone wants when they lay down at night. I know my husband is not physically with me but he is with me with every breath I take and there's nothing the prison can do about that!