Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

desidae · #1 03-27-2012, 08:54 AM

I was only 2 months pregnant when ny sons father went under the u.s. marshalls custody my son is 4 months now and his father still is awaiting his sentence but im so weak i never thought it would be like this its hard writing him cause we are not together n idk what to say other then his son is a spitting image of him n i know he will begone more the 10 yrs so im asking how do i do this how do i be strong where do i get strength and i have prayed and prayed cried and prayed but im still weak so how do i handle this or what should i do

Lady <3 Felton · #2 03-27-2012, 09:11 AM

5 years go my sons dad went in right after I had our premature baby I never thought I would make it with out him but my son is what made me strong looking into his Lil eyes I new I had to be strong and be the best mom and dad I could be for him I talked about daddy to him all the time first off you gave it to God and he will work it out for you... The baby needs you and so do your Man so you have to be strong for the both of them hun and remember you gave it to God he will work it out... Dry your eyes love your self first that way you won't fall apart and hold Down the fort for the Lil guy and big guy in your life

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

savienu · #3 03-27-2012, 12:02 PM

I am due for our third child in August and my husband isn't set to be released until October, so I will be where you are very soon. It is overwhelming, and I am glad to have found this forum where others have gone through or are going through what I am.

desidae · #4 03-27-2012, 12:35 PM

Yes i feel the anxiety and im glad i found it also cause yes i have people to talk to out here but nobody really knows what i go threw knowing there father is gone so yes this is a great place to vent n just listen to others

EricaMo · #5 04-03-2012, 07:37 PM

I whole heartedly am feeling your question right now. My husband hasn't been convicted yet but will atleast be serving 4yrs. I am 12w preg with 2nd child and have a 15month old! I know what your feeling. How am I going to take care of two babies, how I will keep my home and my bills paid! How I will I be strong enough to do this! Do what you need to do cry, grieve, be angry, express all those feelings you have but only in privacy or with a relative. I never show my baby these feelings I try to be happy and supportive for her. The children won't be happy if mommy isn't. Every once in awhile it is appropriate to show them your sadness. But our babies need us to be strong and happy for them! I am going to start visiting with a pastor for some counseling, and will search for all the help I can get. Try not to be too prideful for help, we were left in this situation, we did nothing wrong. I work my butt off and still won't have enough money to afford our bills. But I will try and figure things out! Your allowed to feel weak at times. And then we have to buck it up and be strong again! Good luck to you Hun and I hope things work out for you and your son! Congrats on the new baby!

an87 · #6 04-04-2012, 01:31 AM

I can only tell you my experience which is that I was 8 months pregnant with our third when he went in. He will be home within a year and possibly in as little as 4 months, but I didn't know that at the time, and it all seemed really overwhelming. I pray a lot. a LOT. I don't have much of a support system, and with a baby you have to be very careful who you invite into your life, but I have started trying to reach out and meet new people. One of the moms at the place where my oldest goes to therapy (he has special needs) clicked with me. We chat every week while we are waiting for the boys, and now I have been able to use her as a sitter a couple times in a pinch. If I'm able to pay her I do, but if I can't she is understanding. On the other hand, I don't want to wear out my welcome so I always offer to reciprocate (she is also a single mom) and I make it a point not to ask people for help unless it is a truly desperate situation.

I have developed this way of thinking even before this experience but definitely since I have been on my own with all the kids "It's a lot harder if you think about it." I make myself a weekly schedule, a routine for house chores, and then I just do it. I do my very best not to sit and dwell on how hard it is (it is REALLY hard!!!!) or how lonely I feel etc. It's not to say that I don't get those feelings because I do.

Also if you are really struggling and feeling immobilized by your emotions, look for a good therapist. It doesn't mean you are crazy or anything like that. For me going to counseling every week is a place where I can vent and sort of dump all the negative, distressing things that I cant share with anyone else. as I'm sure you know, friends and family can be insensitive and discouraging when you have a loved one in jail. Postpartum depression is really common anyway, and when you are separated from the child's father, AND he is incarcerated, those are extra risk factors. I take a low dose of medication to help me stay sane. It's not my favorite thing in the world but it helps me to stay in a place mentally where I can function and accomplish things.

I remember my first night home with my third child, alone with all 3 kids and the dog only hours after giving birth (I didn't give birth in a hospital). The dog was running around peeing everywhere, my big kids were hyped up, the baby was attempting to breastfeed and I was in so much pain I was throwing up. I remember thinking, "If I can survive this night, I can survive ANYTHING." It was just that bad. Yet, somehow I survived! No matter how hard it gets you just have to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by miute if necessary.

I don't know if any of this is helpful to you or not. I do understand how hard it is to care for a little tiny baby alone. You want to share all of these amazing things about your baby with someone, and when the father isn't there it can be very painful. I hope things get easier for you soon.

femmefatale76 · #7 04-06-2012, 07:38 PM

I was 3 months pregnant when my husband went in. Our daughter is now 1. I got all my strength from my little one. I have to be. She keeps me motivated, focused and strong. I be the best mom I can for her. It's hard, I wont lie. But you have to love your self and take care of YOU first. That way you can hold it down for your man and child. They both need you right now. I still have 5-6 more years to go...that's if he behaves! It gets better!

forever&always

Olderthanmost · #8 04-06-2012, 09:41 PM

You ladies are definitely showing what great strength that you have. There is not a weak one in the bunch of y'all. I am so proud of each and everyone of you. You have babies at home, dog's are running around peeing, kids are yelling, baby is breast feeding and life goes on!

When we say this life is not for the weak, all of you are a classic examples of strength!

If you want to know where to get strength to get thru this, read these posts again. Look into that babies face, see how much it depends on you, and you will find strength! God bless all of you. Good job!

InmateLover67 · #9 04-06-2012, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desidae

I was only 2 months pregnant when ny sons father went under the u.s. marshalls custody my son is 4 months now and his father still is awaiting his sentence but im so weak i never thought it would be like this its hard writing him cause we are not together n idk what to say other then his son is a spitting image of him n i know he will begone more the 10 yrs so im asking how do i do this how do i be strong where do i get strength and i have prayed and prayed cried and prayed but im still weak so how do i handle this or what should i do

You say you are not together, why the worry about how you will get strength? Just tell him his son looks just like him and he is doing well. Wish him well with his sentence and keep it on a parent basis, and keep living your life, taking care of your child.

One day at a time.....that is all we have, so make the best of them.

Peace~

ZechyT'swifey · #10 04-22-2012, 01:44 AM

U have to pull strength out of itself u never thought u had for ur baby. Give ur baby all u can. Yes if u can do this u can do anything. Focus on the day he will finally be home. My husband hasn't held our 4 month old son and he went in when I was 8 months prego but I don't cry in front of Noah. I stay strong for my husband and just keep saying we can do this. If u get overwhelmed take a deeeep breath take it day by day don't be afraid to ask for help. U'l be okay momma he will be sooooo proud of u and what a good job u did raising ur baby<3 props to those mommas up there u inspire me ^^^^

lashelle21 · #11 04-22-2012, 06:18 PM

In my opinion your child should be your strength. That's the most important thing. My sons father was locked up during my first pregnancy. I knew I had to be strong for my child so I stayed positive. Our son was 12 when he was released.

jasonswifeyaz · #12 04-27-2012, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Olderthanmost

You ladies are definitely showing what great strength that you have. There is not a weak one in the bunch of y'all. I am so proud of each and everyone of you. You have babies at home, dog's are running around peeing, kids are yelling, baby is breast feeding and life goes on!

When we say this life is not for the weak, all of you are a classic examples of strength!

If you want to know where to get strength to get thru this, read these posts again. Look into that babies face, see how much it depends on you, and you will find strength! God bless all of you. Good job!

Thanks for this!! My husband just got arrested on Sunday and our daughter turned a month old today. I am going crazy right now. I have been in this situation before by myself, but never with a baby girl. I am going to be spending a lot of time in this forum. I love the support from PTO.

GuerosMama · #13 04-27-2012, 02:53 PM

Whether or not you guys are together, it comes down to worrying about if your child will have his father around, and bond etc. I know this, because I've been through it. I was 6 weeks pregnant when my love went away, and he missed everything, and continues to miss important milestones in our son's life.
As the other ladies mentioned, your baby is where you have to pull your strength from. As he gets older you will notice he will display some of his father's mannerisms. That is what gets me. When he does things like that, I feel so weak.
A lot of the time, I just keep busy, and just do what I have to do so that my son is happy, and comfortable, and surrounded by a lot of love.

You are probably a lot stronger than you realize. When you are feeling down, make an effort to play more with your son, as soon as he does his little giggle, it will brighten you up a bit. The most important thing is that you keep your son in a loving environment ALL THE TIME. And encourage him to have a relationship with his dad once he starts getting older. (If he calls you, visits.) Etc.

You just do what you have to do :/ What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....right?

kassnast1 · #14 06-05-2012, 08:57 PM

I have a three year old and a almost one month old (she will be one month on June 8th), dad got arrested when she was 6 days old. The first couple of days I asked myself how the hell I was going to be able to be up all night, then make breakfast in the AM for my three year old?!?!? Let me tell you it hasn't been easy but both these little girls are the only thing giving me enough strength to get up every morning. I don't want to get up, I wish I could stay in bed and cry all day be miserable and not do a thing. Reality sets in fast, and you have to put your priorities in order, which in my case are my children. Alone or not my girls need me to be the best mom (&dad) I can be regardless of our situation.

savienu · #15 06-07-2012, 08:00 PM

I do worry how I'm going to care for a newborn and 2 little-ish ones all on my own (I'm sure my 5 year old will be a big help, but I don't want to lean too much on him, obviously.) I have to remind myself that, Lord willing, he will be home within 2 1/2 months of her birth, but seriously, the first 2 months is the hardest with a baby! I just try and stay focused on one day at a time and not obsess about things I have no control over and that I can't do anything about just yet.

InmateLover67 · #16 06-07-2012, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desidae

I was only 2 months pregnant when ny sons father went under the u.s. marshalls custody my son is 4 months now and his father still is awaiting his sentence but im so weak i never thought it would be like this its hard writing him cause we are not together n idk what to say other then his son is a spitting image of him n i know he will begone more the 10 yrs so im asking how do i do this how do i be strong where do i get strength and i have prayed and prayed cried and prayed but im still weak so how do i handle this or what should i do

Your number one priority is your child, so getting set up to take care of your Son is the most important thing you can do right now.

You and he are not together, right?, so I am not sure why you feel the need to keep in contact other than to let him know his Son is doing well? How do you know for sure he is going to be gone that long, if he has not been sentenced yet?

You will never be given more than you can handle....so make the best of a bad situation. Your Son needs you to be healthy for him, so focus on that, instead of what may or may not happen with your ex.

It is difficult having someone we care about incarcerated, but we cannot let it take us down, we have to go on with our lives and do the best we can to get through it.

I hope you find the strength to move forward, one day at a time.

Peace~

InmateLover67 · #17 06-07-2012, 08:22 PM

I just realized this post was originally written back in March and the OP's last post was the same day she posted.,.....damn I need to read when the first post was posted, before I respond...

Peace~

Mrs*Axeslinger · #18 06-07-2012, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InmateLover67

I just realized this post was originally written back in March and the OP's last post was the same day she posted.,.....damn I need to read when the first post was posted, before I respond...

Peace~

lol - Don't feel bad, I almost just did the same thing, until I got to the bottom of the page and saw your post

JAZZYJAZ · #19 06-07-2012, 11:14 PM

its hard.. when i 1st got preggo with my son my bf caught a case and was in jail for 3-4 months in the beginning of my pregnancy then when he got out he was trying to fight his case n was real stressed out so he finally signed for deferred in nov '11 n i had our son at the end of nov. well he caught a new case and got his deferred revoked and now has to do atleast 3 years out of 8 but he does come up for parole in 03/13 and im due in dec! so its hard to think i went thru my 1st pregnancy somewhat alone, bf got locked up this time when my son was 4 1/2 months now my son is 6mths and he is going to miss it all and now this new baby hes not even goin to be around... it sucks and i have no idea how im going to do it but i think everything happens for a reason and we wouldnt be in these situations if god thinks we couldnt handle it