Birthmother in Iowa

[CA2IA4U]

My name is Diane, although everyone calls me "Deva" and my daughter, the child I gave up for adoption in 1965 (and who found me in 1993) is currently serving a 25 year sentence for vehicular homicide. Following the death of both her adoptive parents (three months apart), she went off the "deep end" and got 2 DUI's followed by another episode where another Mother of 2) was hit by my daughter's car and died instantly.

Following these heartbreaking events, I retired from my job in California (where I had lived all my life), found a tenant to rent my house, packed up what things I "couldn't live without" (like my sweet little dog) and moved to Iowa to help in the upbringing of my (then 5, now 7 year-old) Grandson.

I'm living with my Grandson and his Dad (daughter's husband) - and it's been quite a journey. We visit Mom/Wife/Daughter about once a month, but she is able to call home every night and I'm very grateful they have e-mail in Mitchellville.

I'm posting here because I could really use some support and prayer. Time is going by so slowly for us left out here - she has a minimum of 6 years to go and it's just dragging by. By the time she is released, her son will be 11 years old. Her letters and thoughts are to the effect of "What did I do to my life?" She is filled with regret but is showing me so much more maturity by the fact she accepts complete responsibility for everything.

Hope to hear from someone... Blessings to All,

Deva

[ben's girl]

Welcome to PTO! You have found the right place for support.

[mandymoo]

What a heartbreaking situation Deva, and how awesome are you to be doing this for your family?! It sounds like you and your daughter are doing all the right things to get through this awful journey (calls, visits, lots of love, etc.). Her reflections on what she has done and her depression are pretty normal from what I've seen here on the board and I'm sure you are reminding her that it can be all forward movement from now on. She and her husband, son and you have a whole life ahead apart from this detour. Not minimizing the loss of the young mom, but your daughter is obviously paying for her crime and feels as bad about the loss as the mom's family.
Glad you've found PWCIP and come back often.

[wickit]

WELCOME TO PTO!
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, you are such a strong woman, God bless you!

[szcunane]

Deva, sounds like life has thrown you a curveball and that you are handling it with so much grace and love. what you are doing is amazing . ..I hope that you are enjoying getting to know your family, even under these circumstances. I hope that your daughter will be able to forgive herself, that she is getting some help with her depression . . .and that she can find the strength to endure her time away from her family.

[mardavjar]

Welcome Deva. PTO is a great place with wonderful, understanding people. I think MandyMoo said it all!

[Olderthanmost]

I tip my hat to you! You are one strong, amazing lady. You met the challenge for your daughter, her husband and most of all, your sweet grandson! Thank God for you. Most folks would have said "I need to do that" or I wish I could help". Not you! I know that your daughter appreciates everything that you are doing. It gives her peace of mind so that she can finish her journey and get home! God Bless!

[Bamagirl49]

Welcome
You are an amazing mom for just leave your life behind and start another one
Time will go by faster than you know it

[asmom]

What a remarkable thing you're doing for your daughter and her family. I keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope time will go by fast. Take care of yourself and the sweet grandson. God bless.