Dad in Prison, struggling to cope

[summer42]

Hey guys,
My dad (someone with a crystal clear record) is behind bars for 49 days. I know it doesn't seem long, but it still feels devastating. My parents have been going through a nasty 6 year long divorce and according to my mom he lied to the court and presented false documents during one of their hearings. Dad blames mom for taking it this far and mom blames dad for lying. Dad has had some narcissistic tendencies in the past and has thought rules do not always apply to him. Dad calls me from jail begging me to tell mom to get him out. He seems to think she "has the keys to his cell." dad is putting loads of pressure on me to get him out by talking to my mom, but I am unsure if she can actually do anything since its court ordered. I do not think she would do anything as I think a little part of her likes that he is behind bars. I can't get my dad out of my head and as a 25 yr old with her own life I am unable to function! I feel so horrible for my dad and what he is going through, but my confusion is the worst bc I don't know who to believe?! Any suggestions for peace?

[Johnos_girl]

Aww hun... Im really sorry to hear this. its really sad when things go this far
You are correct in thinking your Mum cant do anything about it. Once the court has had their say, thats it. He will need to do his time. ( As far as I know )
Your Dad I would say is very scared, embarrassed, mad, and upset. All rolled into one. he doesnt mean to put the pressure on you, but he doesnt know what else to do, and he wants t get out of there. Which Im sure you can understand, as Im sure you dont like him being in there either. I mean... Who would right? I know I wouldnt like to see my Dad in prison.
I dont think you should have to take sides. Its not a matter of taking sides. They are both your parents, and you should not ever have to choice between the two.
I dont think talking to your Mum is going to make any difference sadly
Just let your Dad know you love him and him being in there doesnt make any difference to how much you love him.

J.G

[nimuay]

Whatever you might try, it would take longer than the time he has left, and if he really did proffer false documents, then you don't have much hope anyway.

Those narcissistic tendencies have taken a beating, but it doesn't mean that you should. You might have to tell him to just man up and get through it. Doesn't sound like something you could tell your dad, but once it has gone through court (was it a perjury charge?) and he's pissed the judge off he really doesn't have a prayer.

Sorry you've been stuck in the middle of this mess. They should never put a kid in the middle, regardless of your age.

[Olderthanmost]

Your Dad probably feels like 49 days is a lifetime! When you are use to being in the free world, it will be a swift kick to have that freedom taken away from you! I hate for you to have to run interference between them. I wish that you could remove yourself from what's happening with them. I know that you love them and feel concerned but this is something that is out of your control. It will be over soon. Then you can stand over to the side and see who learned what from the experience! God Bless. Stay strong. It's going to be ok!

[10reillyl]

I know how you feel. I'm a young adult and my mom was just sentenced to 2 years- previous to that she completed a 30 day sentence as well.

I know how hard it is because you know your parent and you know that they are a good person and its so hard to imagine them in such a horrible place. I tell my mom in every letter to remember that shes not a criminal. shes a mother. and a wonderful person who made a mistake. I want her to know that I forgive her and that I still respect her...

My best advice would be to think about him everyday but don't let it overwhelm you. If he is anything like my mom- he would feel worse knowing that you are hurting so much. Keep living life- 49 days is not that long and I promise it will go by faster than you think. When my mom got 30 days I was devastated- but it goes by alot faster if you keep going about your daily life without obsessing about it. :]