Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

tglsmom · #**126** 05-10-2012, 10:19 PM

I'm so glad that you will get to spend time with your grandkids. I know how much you will enjoy them, but I understand that it will be painful as well. I hope that someday, when your son is feeling better, they can write to each other and visit occasionally. So that you won't give up hope, I want you to know that every time we visit our son, I observe the kids and their dads. Some of them are lifers, but they have a very special relationship with their kids. They seem to make the most of each visit - playing games, laughing, hugging and just enjoying being together. I'm sure it's tough when they have to leave, but I really think those visits are what keep them together - at least in their hearts. I just know that your son and his kids will have that someday, too. It won't be what you were hoping for and the kids will have to learn a new "normal", but I definitely think it's possible for them to have a meaningful and loving relationship despite the circumstances. Don't give up hope of that happening.

Maybe it would be better if your son is transferred to a medical prison. He can then get the extra care that he needs and you might see or talk to him sooner than later. I hope that's the case.

Hang in there, deedee. We're here for you!

spiffy-heart · #**127** 05-10-2012, 11:06 PM

Dear Ladies, and DeeDee,
I just read all of your posts, and really know of some...of what you are going through! It really does sound like shock in the beginning, but then has gone into a mental breakdown issue. He needs psychiatric help. I wonder if he's eating. When my son was found guilty, he was so shocked, that he said he was grateful to be sitting! He said he felt all the blood drain, then a rush, and very hot, flushed feeling! He struggled to empty his pockets, so we'd have his car keys, put his hands behind his back, and they cuffed him. When the cop, standing in front of me reached back, and flipped out those cuffs, I flinched!

I've never experienced such an emotion, so think it was something like shock too! My chest hurt, I started rapid heart rate, and got cold, steely, angry! I told my husband, "I'm taking the stairs!" and before they had my son through the court room door, I was out the other door, and down the stairs, and walk/running to our car! I didn't cry until I called my sister. And I'm still mad!

Listen, I am on Zoloft now! I was obsessing so badly about my son being convicted, then sentenced! These sentences change, and I hope you can stay on top of the lawyer doing appeal, because the worse thing now, is to get a lawyer who will just "repackage" what happened at the trial, and be too lazy to put on a good appeal!

I'm new at this. My son has only been in prison about 4months now. I too jump for his phone (because I live in another state, I have one of his old phones, so he calls it, which is a local call). It only rings 4 times, and makes me sick when I can't get to it fast enough! I had a "tune" on it, but changed it to a plain ringing phone sound, because I'd obsess with the tune, and have that damned tune running around in my head!

My ex d-I-L will not let us see the grandchildren! They are 14, 12 and 4. I was stealing any pics she put on FB, but then she found out and discontinued it! She wasn't letting my son see them while he was Out on bail either. It's a big divorce court deal as well as criminal, and bankruptcy lawyer deal!

When he doesn't call me, I get so anxious, and yes, I'm not being as attentive to my husband as I should be. Housework has gone to hell! Laundry stacks up, and I can bare.y drag my butt out of the house....I'd rather just take a pill and sleep, or read! Reading is the ONLY thing I can do to keep from obsessing about this!

Oh deedee, I am praying for you! We never stop being mothers! Its impossible to stop. I have called the facility, spoken and emailed the wardens, they've had the nurse call me. I had to stop, because I was embarrassing him! Hey, if we aren't embarrassing our kids, we're not doing something right.

Love to you. Let us know...Stay pro-active!

Spiffy heart

deedeeortiz · #**128** 05-12-2012, 07:10 PM

Still no word. I went out with the kids/grandkids today. I got a bouquet of flowers delivered and chocolate covered strawberries from my ex daughter in law & grandkids. I was so shocked. I have to admit it made me cry. I enjoyed my day out today. But the minute I get home, I start stressing over not hearing from my son. Everyday the mail comes my heart stops, then I see no mail from him and I want to cry. I just can't understand why he wouldn't want to call his family. That is so out of character. Then I stress over how is mind must be after all this. What I'd give to hear his voice.

spiffy-heart · #**129** 05-12-2012, 10:15 PM

Man DeeDee, I am surprised, and pleased for you, getting a gift from DIL! No wonder you cried! You may need some help dealing with the length of time this taking! I couldn't do it alone! I pray you will get help to carry this heavy burden!

Spiffy heart

mrsrimoldi · #**130** 05-12-2012, 10:39 PM

DeeDee, you can add me as one of your prayer warriors! I've just read this entire thread. I had a sneak peak a few weeks ago and knew I just couldn't go there that day.
I am so sorry for the nightmare you are living. I can't imagine the shock your son must be in. I did a little research trying to figure out who could help you and your son. I think CA has ombudsman who act on behalf of inmates. It sounds to me your son has shut down and is need of some help. I hope he is moved to a place that suits his needs right away. I have a friend who's son has a rare disease and the treatment or lack of could cost him his life. She got ahold of somebody who pointed her in the direction of an ombudsman, it took awhile but her son finally got the medication he needed. I hope the appeal process can give your son some hope b/c I imagine he is without hope at this point and that is such a scary place to be. Stay on his attorney to let your son know what is happening.
My son was sentenced to 15-life almost 7 1/2 years ago. I couldn't wrap my head around that amount of time either. I still can't even go to the "to life" part of the sentence, for now I'm just ignoring it b/c I can't deal with the thought. I have 2 friends who's daughter have LWOP. I've asked them how do they deal with the thought. They both said by making each and every day count. One moved close to her daughters prison and the other hasn't been able to visit b/c of health reasons but she writes almost everyday and she gets mail almost everyday. In the end that's all we can do is make the best of the situation we are all in. You know in your heart you are doing everything you know to do for him. I used to get so upset thinking about the things I couldn't do for my son anymore and it just made me ill. My son is the one who helped me, he said "Mom I know if it were up to you I would not be here and I know you are doing what you can to make my life better here I appreciate everything you do and everything I have." It's true we can't give or do more than what we have so please be gentle with yourself and know you have parents here who care and are trying to help you figure this all out. Every night when I say my prayers I ask God to put a white protective light around both my sons. I will continue to follow this thread and pray for you and yours. Hugs to you.

deedeeortiz · #**131** 05-13-2012, 07:04 AM

What exactly is a ombudsman? How would I go about finding one?

Happy Mothers Day to all you incredible & loving Mother's!!

We have plans for all the kids/grandkids coming for A BBQ/swim party today. It's going to be really hard to put on my happy face but I'll do my best.

mandymoo · #**132** 05-13-2012, 08:03 AM

deedee, you're a brave lady and an inspiration! Bet the grandkids will be thrilled to see you

1bird2 · #**133** 05-13-2012, 10:30 AM

Hey deedee... Ditto what Mandy said!!!
I googled "ombudsman"....sounds like someone who might be able to help you....google it for your local government and see what you get....I got a whole list of names and numbers....basically, I think they are "helpers", representatives....I think it is worth looking into!!
Enjoy those grandkids!!!

deedeeortiz · #**134** 05-13-2012, 10:46 AM

I will do that, thank you.

tglsmom · #**135** 05-13-2012, 11:58 AM

deedee - Check the DVI forum or the CA forum or the CDCR website. They may have answers on the omnibudsman question. I would be surprised if there isn't one here in CA.

I hope you have a wonderful day with your family. It sounds like fun and I hope it will take your mind off of your sadness and worry. I will be thinking about you today. Happy Mother's Day!

Mary Louise · #**136** 05-13-2012, 12:37 PM

I am very depressed today. Unless you have a child that is locked up you just can't imagine how hard Mother's Day is! My mother has passed and my son is in prison so Mother's Day really bites a big one. I got a beautiful card from him but today is still sad. I love him unconditionally and I do thank god for him but nobody told me that being a mother could be so heartbreaking.

deedeeortiz · #**137** 05-13-2012, 07:14 PM

My day didn't go as great as I had hoped for. I pretty much canceled the BBQ and had a major meltdown. Then late afternoon my daughter, son & his wife showed up. The kids all went swimming. Everyone just left. On top of everything else I have a 16 year old driving me crazy! We adopted her at birth, and we knew her biomom before the adoption. She's been giving us a lot of problems for some time now.

I agree that unless you have a child locked up, you just don't know how hard it is.

tglsmom · #**138** 05-13-2012, 07:21 PM

I'm sorry to hear that, deedee. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

deedeeortiz · #**139** 05-14-2012, 07:06 PM

Still no word from my son. I tried calling the counselor, no answer

deedeeortiz · #**140** 05-14-2012, 07:30 PM

Email from ombudsman

Ms. Ortiz, I will be contacting the institution to determine how your son is doing. However, please be aware that based on confidentiality issues there are limitations on what information we can provide to you. In order for you to obtain medical information regarding your son he would have to provide authorization for medical information to be released to you. He can do so by completing a CDCR 7385, Authorization for Release of Information. In addition, the department has a inmate health care inquiry phone line where you can address any medical concerns regarding an inmate. That phone number is (916) 324-1403. But again, the information they can provide you is limited without the release of authorization. I will get back to you later today. Thanks

1bird2 · #**141** 05-14-2012, 07:57 PM

Well, if he is not responding to anyone, how can he possibly sign the release form? I am glad the the ombudsman is going to call them...and I'd call the # he gave you .... and maybe I'd even try the Chaplain at the prison....maybe he could arrange for your son to call you....maybe your son would respond to his mom's voice....
I cannot imagine all that you are feeling right now....but I promise you that I am praying for you and yours......and I am relying on God to take care of you son....
If you have not heard back from anyone....I think I'd be calling them all.....they KNOW that this is extenuating circumstances and they should certainly extend more compassion to you than they normally do....I am praying that they will go the extra mile for you!
If you don't get anywhere, maybe his attorney can help you .... at least try.
BIG LOVE AND MANY PRAYERS
XXXXOOOO

szcunane · #**142** 05-14-2012, 09:05 PM

dee dee . . .i think the fact you are getting a response from people is a positive thing - -it sounds like they are taking things seriously - -maybe the counselor will bring the form for your son to sign. . . .there are so many legalities involved . .but if a couple of people have "eyes" on your son, hopefully he will get help. I am keeping both of you in my prayers - - I know how hard it is, how much you must want to hear his voice. are you able to get any sleep? nighttime is always the hardest for me. I am sorry your daughter is acting up some - -she probably is worried, doesn't know what to do, so she is acting out, unfortunately, teenagers can be so selfish. It is so hard to go through the day to day things, but try to get into a routine - it does help. I so wish there was something I could do - - I wish hugs would go through the computer . . .

deedeeortiz · #**143** 05-15-2012, 11:01 AM

Just talked to the counselor. No change. He feels my son is just choosing to not communicate. Basically they just have to wait to have him communicate. I asked can they send the visit forms. He said my son has to do that. He did say he got a call from the ombudsman this morning.

szcunane · #**144** 05-15-2012, 11:43 AM

Dee Dee, I know you must be beside yourself . .you are doing all the right things, you are doing everything you can do for him. And since the counselor is talking to him on your behalf, he knows that you care. And as I said before, I am so thankful the counselor is checking on him . .he will determine about referring him for medical or psychiatric care if he thinks it is needed. Right now your son is grieving, he is in shock, he is overwhelmed by everything. He probably needs time to process all of this. And I am confident with all us praying, your continuing to communicate with the counselor and your sending letters, that he will call, soon. I just keep hoping and praying it will be very soon. I know how much you need to hear his voice. I know how much you want to see him. I keep hoping and praying another inmate will be there for your son, to listen to him, to encourage him. DeeDee, you and your son are on my mind alot. God be with you in a BIG way.

deedeeortiz · #**145** 05-15-2012, 12:48 PM

I'm just not as convinced that the counselor is so concerned after speaking to him my self. He as very nice but basically says until he is willing to communicate, there's nothing that can be done.

tglsmom · #**146** 05-15-2012, 09:06 PM

deedee - I know I mentioned this before, but I think bird is right about contacting the chaplain at the prison. It's possible that your son might talk to someone who is not part of the prison system like a counselor or CO is. Your son might see a chaplain as someone who is there to help, not to punish.

When my son first got to prison, he had trouble getting into the church service he wanted. My husband talked to the priest at his church, who then contacted the priest at the prison, and my son was immediately allowed to attend. We were impressed that the response was so fast. It's possible that you might get somewhere if you try this.

I, too, wonder if they have tried to get the visiting forms to your son. Has someone tried to give them to him and he refuses to sign? If so, maybe the chaplain can take them in and get him to sign. He might even mail them to you.

I'm hoping and praying that something good will happen soon. It's just not right that you should have to suffer this long. Please keep us posted so that we can try to help you through this. Sending you lots and lots of hugs.

dbd335 · #**147** 05-16-2012, 03:17 AM

deedee - i've not been able to keep up with everyone the last couple of weeks so i was reading a little this morning to try to catch up - i will finish reading later but i wanted to tell you how much you and your son weigh on my heart - i've been praying for you and your son and will continue - blessings

deedeeortiz · #**148** 05-16-2012, 10:59 AM

I will try to reach the chaplain today.

mrsrimoldi · #**149** 05-16-2012, 11:36 PM

DeeDee,
I'm sorry I didn't respond quicker to your questions~ thank you all for giving DeeDee the information. I'm glad somebody got back to you and is checking in on your son. He may not stop at just a phone call somebody may pop in to see with his or her own eyes still. Either way the more people keeping an eye on your son the better. I'm so sorry your son is having such a hard time pulling himself back~ I'd imagine all the loss he's suffered the last years have taken a toll on his mental health. Let us our pray the counselor is on top of this.
I'm sorry on top of this worry your daughter is busting your chops too. Kids act out their emotions they are not able to verbalize. Maybe you could give her a journal to write out what she's feeling. I'm sure she has suffered with everything that has happen as well. I hope she can work through this and get back on track. Prayers continue.

deedeeortiz · #**150** 05-17-2012, 09:41 AM

Just love it when we'll meaning people say " they really don't care, he's just a number & another criminal lockdown up".