He's home, but doesn't want to commit; Should I wait?

[Virgo0826]

He is really mean, he refuses to see me, want answer his phone or text messages, and said that I was to emotional and had to much baggage..he told me I don't know what to tell you, I don't know what else to tell you, I was willing to work with him, as soon as he saw weekness in me he folded...still crying..I have isolated myself from everyone, I don't want to talk or be bothered with anyone...seriously depressed

[Patty]

I've moved your thread here to the When The Relationship is Over forum as it is a better fit per this discussion.

Clearly this guy is not interested. You need to recognize that and stop trying to contact him. Doing so is only going to prolong your heartbreak. I know it must hurt but you simply have to begin to move forward. Wallowing in self-pity will not make you more attractive to him. I promise that although it will take time you can get past this but you have to be willing to try.

[MsStamp]

Oh I am so sorry to hear this! I know nothing that any of us say will help you feel better, but I can promise you time will heal the hurt.

I really suggest you let this man go, it seems as if he has left anyways, and you clinging onto him will only make the pain worse than it needs to me. Write a letter, or a text/email whatever, tell him all you need to and give it/send it to him. next get all his stuff, mementos and put them in a box out of sight, and vow to move on from him one day at a time.

Don't feel used, you gave out of love and that counts for a lot.

[Amanda_UWW]

Pick up the Steve Harvey book, act like a lady, think like a man.

[brooks]

You spent about $3000 on a guy you knew for about 4 months ? Ouch, no wonder you hurt. I'd be kicking myself hard too.

[auntieshay]

Virgo, You were used and it hurts. Give yourself time to heal. All you can do is learn from this experience. We all make mistakes. Let go, life is too short. HUGs

[mzthickythic]

Sounds like u where used i went threw some simlar 2 this so i know how u feel in what you goin threw he done gt his foot off the ground he dnt need u nomore. THE BEST THANG FOR U 2 DO IS 2 LET IT GO I KNOW ITS GOING 2 B EXTREMLY EXTREMLY HARD 2 DO stop CHASN HIM he Will soon c all of wat u have done for hym HE WILL B BACK N CONTACT PLS BELIEVE THT!! DNT B SO HARD ON URSELF UR R A GOOD WMN WITH A GREAT HEART THT JUST WANTD 2 B LOVED. I WISH U A SPEEDY RECOVERY TAKE CARE

[StarrGonzalez]

Nothing anyone can say is going to comfort you; heart break is a wound only time can heal. You do need to let go though. I know right now it feels like there will never be anybody else in your life that you'll love as much as him but like I said, with time all of that will change. You don't deserve to be treated that way, no woman does. Maybe if you found another pen pal? One you had more in common with? Don't give up and don't let him be the reason you do.

[skellerton]

Originally Posted by Virgo0826

Not sure if I will make it thru this one, I have cried everyday and it doesn't seem to be getting better..how can a person just use u and throw u away like you are nothing..I begged him to make it work , I told him I love him and I was in love with him, he just said we don't have nothing in common, and I am not going to waste any more time with you, he changed in as little as 2 months after he was released and now on to the next woman

The quote above and the ones where you refer to your disappointment as "weakness" (I suspect this is his word and you have adopted it) show that you are seriously misunderstanding your own power. Why would you allow this man to determine what happens in YOUR life????? Why leave it up to him??? If you want to feel better about this, then take control of what happens to you by deciding how you want to proceed, how you want to think about what happened, and how you will act in the future. Let him fall where he lands, but you can rest assured that taking someones money knowing you don't love them but having no intention of paying it back is not a good way to begin his freedom, and is a step BACK towards prison, where that kind of thinking is ok. Really, look at the thread about guys returning and see how many that have treated freinds and family like shyte are back in the only place where this would be acceptable.
I PROMISE you that if you stand up and walk in the other direction, when you are about halfway to where you want to be you will be glad he isn't by your side. Peace to you.

[ilovecoffee]

I am SO sorry that you are being put through this. There is no excuse to use you like a puppet and toss you away when there isnt a puppet show anymore. I think the best thing is time. Let your self grieve and do nice things for you. YOu dont need a jerk like that in your life anyway! YOu can PM me if you want to chat : )

[Snowbaby62]

Originally Posted by Tjames85

You also keep on the side of cowardly men. A real man will not use a woman no matter how wide she leaves herself open. A real man treats every woman the way he would want his own daughter to be treated. Yes she willing gave to this man. He willingly took from her. She should have listened to him when he said he didn't want a relationship from day one. He should have listened to her when she said she wanted a relationship. This was only ever going to end in heart break and he gladly took from her knowing how it would end. As for those saying he was honest because he cared, he could be trying not to burn a lucrative bridge.

sorry you don't agree but it doesn't change my mind or position...he obviously cared about her just not in the way she wanted him to so in that, how can he honestly be accused of using her? because he didn't fall in love in the end? in relationships that is a chance you take, you give with on open heart and hope for the best...he motives were very clear by her original post, she felt that he should feel obligated to her because of all she "did" for him...sorry I don't feel he should be obligated at all...

[Tjames85]

Originally Posted by Snowbaby62

sorry you don't agree but it doesn't change my mind or position...he obviously cared about her just not in the way she wanted him to so in that, how can he honestly be accused of using her? because he didn't fall in love in the end? in relationships that is a chance you take, you give with on open heart and hope for the best...he motives were very clear by her original post, she felt that he should feel obligated to her because of all she "did" for him...sorry I don't feel he should be obligated at all...

Many here seem to want to say either he is bad or good. We are not in this relationship so we can't know. What we can know is that his actions did not match his words. He said he didn't want a girlfriend abut allowed her to treat him like one. He could have nipped that in the bud a long time ago. He nipped it in the bud after he was on his feet. He needs to learn that you do not accept money from people that like you more than you like them. That's a recipe for heart break. If he truely cared he should have looked out for her emotional interest just as he allowed her to look out for his financial interest. I don't think he is wrong or a bad guy. I don't like taking sides. Usually when a relationship ends badly both sides hold some responsibility. It takes to to tango and your post made me feel as though you were ready to absolve him of any responsibility. He shouldn't feel obligated. If she feels he should stay with her because of the money then she did not love him. I have a feeling she was doing what she thought loyal lovers do and is now in shock. He sounds immature. Many men hurt women in this way and then they learn that women follow what you say and do not just what you say. He went in at 20 so he probably never had a chance to learn that lesson. He would be wise to learn a lesson from this just as the OP has hopefully learned a lesson.

[Virgo0826]

Well I would like to say thanks to everyone for all of there posts, it gives me hope and encouragement that I will be, everyone tells me time will heal the wound, now I can relate to my ex boyfriend because my heart feels incarsarated..I feel like I am in prison, I only wanted his love and loyalty, but I received nothing but heartache...my best friend if someone leaves u god is protecting me from something, I just can't see yet...

[prettywings773]

when a man tells you something listen and believe him the first time. I know it hurts , but stop contacting him and teke it as a learning experience and move on. If you continue to hold on to him then you won't be available for the one God has chosen for you. You deserve better and you need to look in your mirror at yourself and tell yourself that you are worthy. Use this time to work on yourself. So that when the next man comes along you will be ready.

[Tjames85]

Originally Posted by Virgo0826

Well I would like to say thanks to everyone for all of there posts, it gives me hope and encouragement that I will be, everyone tells me time will heal the wound, now I can relate to my ex boyfriend because my heart feels incarsarated..I feel like I am in prison, I only wanted his love and loyalty, but I received nothing but heartache...my best friend if someone leaves u god is protecting me from something, I just can't see yet...

I am happy you are feeling better. Maybe God is protecting you from something. Maybe God is preparing you for something even better. Good luck in all your endeavors.

[FastCarGirl]

Originally Posted by Virgo0826

Maybe I should not have made a post because I feel worst, than what I already feel, I gave to him and was there for him, not because I wanted him to feel obligated...I have a giving heart and I thought he would honor that..however he didn't he left me and yes i do feel used because I could never leave someone who there for me, I only wanted his unconditional love.

This isn't meant to be critical, but you have learned a very powerful life lesson.

Just because someone does something...even a lot of somethings nice, sweet, expensive for someone, it doesn't make it love. Love is giving freely, without strings. It sounds like you talk the talk...but emotionally you're not walking the walk...the strings are there.

It sounds like he was honest...straight with you from the beginning. He wasn't using you....he wasn't telling you just what you wanted to hear...he told you he didn't want a serious relationship, and you chose to do what you did for him anyway. As much as it hurts, he's being real. He probably loves and is extremely grateful for what you have done for him, you were there when no one else was. But don't you want to be chosen for yourself...who you are...including your kindness and generosity, intelligence, beauty...all the things that make you special. And you can't be chosen in a vaccuum.....he has to have the freedom to be able to choose.

Be friends if you want to be...and can be friends...and set appropriate friend boundaries....don't do anything for him that you wouldn't do for another friend. But I would let him go, free and clear and move on. If he really loves you, he'll come back once you're absent from his life. Love after all is a feeling, it ebbs in flows.

But takes some time and space to heal and just be yourself.

[Olderthanmost]

Hello my friend! I can feel your pain. You gave all that you had to give and he didn't want it. You can look at your self in the mirror and know that you tried your best to have a life with this man! Now, devote the same amount of time to your self that you did to him. Love yourself. Get a new look! New hair do, new clothes! Those are small things but they are a start! You are worth so much more than to let some one put you down! It happened. You can't change it but you can move on a much smarter person! I know that you saw the red flags. You had too. But it is what it is! Leave him alone and get another life! He has moved on and you need to do the same. It won't be easy but its a "must". You can do this! I believe in you!

[Ms. Tazzie]

Hi Virgo,, I've been following your thread and wasn't sure if I was going to post but I feel you and I do know the feeling that comes after breaking up from whatI thought was a forever relationship...

Sweetie,, trust me,,, its ok to CRY,, SHOUT,, YELL,, THROW THINGS,,,WHATEVER you need to do to get through this HEALTHY...but FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE,, what IS NOT HEALTHY is for you to continue to call or in ANY WAY contact this man who has made his intentions CLEAR to you, you are only setting yourself up for further hurt, disrespect and send yourself into a depper depression.

As women, we need clousure to things,, but men,, well MOST men don't. He gave you clousure,, but not how you were looking for it...
Sugarfoot,, take it,, get up,, wipe your face,, put one step in front of the other and KEEP GOING...

I can honestly say to you that YES the pain is REAL,, but IT GETS BETTER... BUT ONLY IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO HEAL...Calling his is not healing because eventurally he will become even NASTIER (if that is even possible). Getting over a break-up is VERY hard, and the best way to do that is to take each day one at a time,, even if that means today you will not get out of bed,, tommorrow you will eat ice cream and ORES all day and the next you wil lay on the couch watching SNAPPED,,,(oops,, DO NOT!!! I REPEAT DO NOT WATCH SNAPPED,,, we don't want to have to see you on an episode!!! ) Hope that made you smile,, cause I know smiles are hard to come by right now... But what I'm trying to say is use this time to love and PAMPER you,, it's called self care and it's IMPORTANT!!
baby Girl,, you can IM me anytime... I'm ALWAYS around for you until then.....

[Virgo0826]

I really thought this was suppose to be a place of encouragement but I see not so, I honestly feel if you don't have nothing nice to say you shouldn't see anything at all, that snapped comment was not funny, my life and my feelings are seriously hurt right now, I thought this was suppose to be a prison support site...

[Ms. Tazzie]

Apparently somethin was LOST IN TRANSLATION,, my post was heartfelt,, and sincere. I can truly relate to what ur going thru,, because I've been there... Just like I know the feelings of hurt,, rejection,, and betrayal can make one WANT to do something stupid either to themselves or somebody else,,.that's where that SNAPPED comment came from... My ONLY intentions were to try to make u smile but i guess its still to soon for you to do that..

OK,,, I don't see where I was being malicious or mean but in the future when u post,, maybe u should tell your readers EXACTLY what you want to hear to AVOID this misunderstanding,,, and u r right maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut..Sooooo,, my thoughts,, opinions,,suggestions and advice,,, TO YOU,,, I will keep to myself.. On that note, good Luck in your future endeavors..... Tazzie

[MsPrettiJackson]

The relationship is "over" but your refusing to except what he is BLUNTLY saying to you. So therefore if he see a way to use you and knowing that your going to do it for him then he is going to keep using you. Why allow him to do that when he has told you what it is and if he talking to someone then that's probably the person he likes but he's telling you the truth to keep from hurting you. I know it's not easy to except cause your in love with him but don't let a man break you down like that just pick up the pieces and keep it moving.

[patchouli]

I believe everything that needs to be said, has been said and that this thread has run its course. The op now needs time and space to heal. This thread is now closed.