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deedeeortiz · #1 05-07-2012, 11:55 AM

My son was sent to state prison 2 weeks ago after receiving a 50/life sentence. He spent over 2 yrs in county waiting for his trial. He had 2 trials, first came back 8 innocent/4 guilty, 2nd trial 12 guilty. I've been concerned about his mental health the past few months. He just seemed very confused & different. My daughter finally reached the prison & found out who his counselor is. He told her they have not been able to communicate with him. They did not know if he had family or was just mentally ill. No one in the family has heard from him at all since the end of the 2nd trial. I believe he has had a mental breakdown. We have all been writing him, but he has not wrote us. We don't know if he has but it's just slow to get to us/him. I'm so upset I just don't even know what to do for him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

yourself · #2 05-07-2012, 05:40 PM

Everybody goes through a period of transition when their lives change radically. YOu've seen it before when friends have gone through divorce, or somebody's gone into the military or been sent overseas to serve.

That said, the adjustment period is even more difficult for people sentenced to long stretches in prison. He's dealing with both the sentence AND the adjustment to prison, and what all that means to his life, his goals, his dreams.

I'm glad you contacted his counselor. I'm glad you're writing him. Keep writing him. Keep trying to engage him - ask him questions about programs available in that prison, ask him about visitation, what you need to do to get on his visitation list. Ask him about books and magazines - what does he want to receive. Keep trying to engage him. Send him stuff that sparks an interest - a funny cartoon, box scores from some area of sports that he's always followed, engage him in fantasy football if that's something that might interest him.

It's difficult, but you need to believe that he's reading your letters and just not sure how to respond (that first letter home can be very difficult). Put some money on his books so he can call home and let him know you want to hear his voice.

Talk about things that are relevant to him - his appeals. He's got a direct appeal at a minimum coming up, and sometimes just a little focus or hope based on that can turn things around.

Also, religion - if he has a religious belief, ask him about services at his prison.

But, really, other than constantly and continuously reaching out to him, there's nothing you can do. As an adult, he's got to make those decisions.

It does sound like the prison has already IDed him as somebody having some problems. Hopefully they push him to deal with it - putting in a request to see psych. You can encourage him to do that as well, and to sign up for therapy. Tell him that if he's having trouble writing, perhaps somebody there can help him write, or call, or find a way to communicate.

It's hard, really hard. But, the best thing you can do is not get discouraged and keep sending him mail. Keep engaging him.

deedeeortiz · #3 05-07-2012, 06:01 PM

Thank you so much. That's good info that I hadn't really even considered. Hard it not even the word. This IS worse than anything I've done in my lifetime! I lost my other son, his twin 4 years ago, and I never thought anything could be worse, but this is worse.

yourself · #4 05-08-2012, 01:20 AM

my heart goes out to you in all of this. This is one of the most difficult things a parent can experience. You might want to do some reading of your own about kids in prison and dealing with a long sentence. You are not the only parent to go through this. there are books and blogs by other parents, and some of them may be able to help with suggestions. You need support, too, especially when he's going through hard times.

Sheryl P. · #5 05-08-2012, 02:52 AM

I don't have any words of wisdom but wanted to say my heart goes out to your son and your family.If you think a card of encouragment would help,I would be blessed to send him one.
Big

marie8899 · #6 05-08-2012, 08:45 AM

I'm sorry to hear what you and your son are going through. Since you can contact his counselor, I would strongly encourage you to push for him to have a psychological evaluation, if they haven't done so already. If he is depressed or confused, you don't want it to get worse. He may need medication, at least temporarily, to help him get through this phase. I hope you will make sure someone is assessing his emotional condition, even if you have to call several times to get them to do it. Fortunately, you have already established communication with his counselor, who seems to be somewhat aware of your son's condition. Best of luck and please let us know how your son is doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by deedeeortiz

My son was sent to state prison 2 weeks ago after receiving a 50/life sentence. He spent over 2 yrs in county waiting for his trial. He had 2 trials, first came back 8 innocent/4 guilty, 2nd trial 12 guilty. I've been concerned about his mental health the past few months. He just seemed very confused & different. My daughter finally reached the prison & found out who his counselor is. He told her they have not been able to communicate with him. They did not know if he had family or was just mentally ill. No one in the family has heard from him at all since the end of the 2nd trial. I believe he has had a mental breakdown. We have all been writing him, but he has not wrote us. We don't know if he has but it's just slow to get to us/him. I'm so upset I just don't even know what to do for him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

deedeeortiz · #7 05-08-2012, 11:08 AM

I'm awaiting a call from the counselor. I'm hoping he can get through to my son. I'm going to ask if we an get a phone call from him. I can't even sleep at night. I'm so overloaded with pain & emotion. I just want to hear his voice

**fbopnomore** · #8 05-08-2012, 06:23 PM

I'm really sorry for what you and your son are going through. Pain for a child is definitely harder than if it was your pain, but you need to take care of yourself too. If you allow the stress to ruin your health, his situation will be the same, but yours will be worse. Please be good to yourself. I'm sorry for the loss of your other son, I unfortunately know that horror myself.

deedeeortiz · #9 05-08-2012, 08:01 PM

I'm really trying to stay stronger for him.

deedeeortiz · #10 05-17-2012, 09:43 AM

If someone is having mental problems and doesn't respond, how can a family get around getting a release to get info?

yourself · #11 05-17-2012, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deedeeortiz

If someone is having mental problems and doesn't respond, how can a family get around getting a release to get info?

you can't.

Basically, there's no obligation for a family member to respond to family. There's no way to force it as long as s/he's competent.

If there's a question of competency, then you need to check out your state's guardian and conservator statutes. Each state has wide variability in this area, but the general breakdown is this: Legal Guardian (for incompetent adult) - person or business charged with taking care of the person of the incompetent adult during a period of incompetency. This person makes decisions regarding hospitalization, medications, and other treatments. Conservator (for incompetent adult) - takes care of the estate of the incompetent adult - that's monies, property, annuities, retirement accounts, etc.

You usually need to initiate a Petition in probate court to have somebody declared legally incompetent, and then to have somebody appointed to take care of the person (guardian) &/or the property (conservator).

Contacting your area NAMI can put you in touch with relevant resources to make a determination about whether to start such an action.

deedeeortiz · #12 05-17-2012, 06:40 PM

Thank you for that info.

deedeeortiz · #13 10-08-2012, 05:06 PM

Finally got to visit my son. He wasn't willing to give me much medical info, but he seemed to be much better than last time I seen him.

Lucy2050 · #14 10-08-2012, 05:25 PM

I am so glad to hear he is doing ok.

Biznessgal2 · #15 10-10-2012, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deedeeortiz

Finally got to visit my son. He wasn't willing to give me much medical info, but he seemed to be much better than last time I seen him.

You, your family, and your son have begun a long journey. As others have said, it is important for you to take care of yourself. In order to help him not just now, but for years ahead, you need to find a comfort level with how YOU will handle this. Perhaps a daily journal might help you, if you have a faith counselor, that might help also.

You know, our incarcerated loved ones need a "program", set routines they accomplish every day. They usually start with making themselves get up from their bunk, eat properly, then they begin to exercise, maybe read, take classes if they can, or find other wholesome outlets.

We need to "program" also. Maybe you will write him two or three regular times per week, send a certain amount of money into him on a set time table, etc. And be sure to stay to your own life routines as much as possible, those things you would regularly do. Remember to nurture yourself.

You are remarkably strong and you will get stronger. He needs you to be strong. Remember we are all here for you. This site has a wealth of knowledge and life experiences to draw from. Everyone has a story and we are all a family here at PTO.