COs taking their job TOO seriously!

[Beachhouse]

Originally Posted by Princess1029

I've had that happen I was like whoa lol! Don't worry I honestly don't usually have many issues with COs with all the stories it freaked me out too! Most of the ones I've ran into with the exception of two were fine! & those to we're just super strict :-/

Most are nice and the ones I see all the time know me and are friendly and polite and even joke. We had one horrible one but he's gone.

[Princess1029]

Originally Posted by Beachhouse

Most are nice and the ones I see all the time know me and are friendly and polite and even joke. We had one horrible one but he's gone.

I wish they were all that nice, I've ran into a few like that. I have a couple favorites at the prison he's at now..but of course with the rotation they do they are never in there the next time I go.. figures.. The ones in county knew me since I went every weekend, they weren't bad at all, they were always joking with us. It makes things so much easier when they aren't so up tight & mean..

[imnluv]

Originally Posted by jec1955

I am 57, I visited my sone once, wore a nice shirt that had cut out across shoulders but had crocheted deco filling it, no bra straps showing. They werent gonna let me in at 1st, I told them i had worn it b4 so they let me in. I can understand the dress code because all see you and it can cause problems for your loved one if another inmate sees you and says things to him. Will usually cause a fight. They just have this dress code to at least have 1 less thing to bother inmates. but geesh im an old lady lol

I have worked the visiting room & check in many a times & honestly I hate it bcuz I know that if I were visiting my mind that I would wanna look sexy for my man or whatever. Im young & I where some of the things that you all mention ripped jeans etc but you are right that is one of the main reasons they have the dress code. They dont want to have inmates having conflict bcuz a inmate said something about another inmates visit. The officers didnt make the rules & half of them could really care less but they dont wanna get reprimanded bcuz they let someone in & they're not following the dress code & say the Warden comes in & sees it. Ya know. @ least thats how it is where I worked. Not tryna step on anyones toes just tryna give some insight on the cos side bcuz theres always a lot of co down talk when really alot of the times they are just trying to do what they r told. Some not all. But anywho I sympathize with both sides the visitors & the cos bcuz not only have I been a co but also a co who has a loved one thats incarcerated. So I know that when I get my chance to visit I know I'll probably go thru some of the things you all r going thru but I'll also know what it would feel like to be that co saying no u cant wear that. Just thought I'd throw in my two cents!!!

[prettywings773]

I've never had an issue with the co's at my visits. they are always nice. the last time I went our baby daughter kept tugging on my shirt and pulling it down, lol I was waiting for them to say something, needless to say they didn't and daddy got a little peek show that day lol.

[Strong4us]

Originally Posted by imnluv

I have worked the visiting room & check in many a times & honestly I hate it bcuz I know that if I were visiting my mind that I would wanna look sexy for my man or whatever. Im young & I where some of the things that you all mention ripped jeans etc but you are right that is one of the main reasons they have the dress code. They dont want to have inmates having conflict bcuz a inmate said something about another inmates visit. The officers didnt make the rules & half of them could really care less but they dont wanna get reprimanded bcuz they let someone in & they're not following the dress code & say the Warden comes in & sees it. Ya know. @ least thats how it is where I worked. Not tryna step on anyones toes just tryna give some insight on the cos side bcuz theres always a lot of co down talk when really alot of the times they are just trying to do what they r told. Some not all. But anywho I sympathize with both sides the visitors & the cos bcuz not only have I been a co but also a co who has a loved one thats incarcerated. So I know that when I get my chance to visit I know I'll probably go thru some of the things you all r going thru but I'll also know what it would feel like to be that co saying no u cant wear that. Just thought I'd throw in my two cents!!!

Yep, my man said a dude commented on my pants one visit....they were tight. So I do c how issues between inmates can be a problem.

[Miss_A]

Originally Posted by Strong4us

Don't get me wrong,I in no way start anything,say anything,or try and break the rules....I was just venting or sharing! I have spare clothes in my car but nvr had to use em! Thank goodness!

actually,I get along with most COs,since I do go regularly theyve come to know me n my man. Not personally,but they know him, obviously, n know I'm his visitor.

Girl, it's fine! Vent away! I'm sure what you were wearing was just fine and w/in the guidelines.

I went to visit today and was wearing a low cut top, my bra could be seen through the top and I had on some super cute barely there sandals. Not a word was said to me. Oh, and a underwire bra. There's no metal detector, so....

Thankfully, where I visit, the guidelines are lax. But I know where you're coming from.

Hang in there and don't let those C/O's steal your joy!

[Strong4us]

Originally Posted by Miss_A

Girl, it's fine! Vent away! I'm sure what you were wearing was just fine and w/in the guidelines.

I went to visit today and was wearing a low cut top, my bra could be seen through the top and I had on some super cute barely there sandals. Not a word was said to me. Oh, and a underwire bra. There's no metal detector, so....

Thankfully, where I visit, the guidelines are lax. But I know where you're coming from.

Hang in there and don't let those C/O's steal your joy!

Haha,thx!

I'm still sticking with some COs really take their job too serious sometimes!

Girl, besides that one strict CO I encounter from time to time, I thought my guys place was relaxed when it came to visits! Urs beats ours!

Ya, u know how it goes during our date we are in our own lil world! <3

[Beachhouse]

Our first contact visit my guy went to the bathroom and I stood up to go see the menu on the wall. I got up and readjusted my pants and shirt, making sure all was covered because I'm modest by nature. So I looked and then walked back to my table and sat down to wait. My guy comes back in and then across the entire room this not nice co yells his name. He had to do it 2 times. Everyone stopped talking in the room. Dead silent, the co said keep talking! My guy comes back and turns out when I stood my shirt lifted up before I adjusted it and the co saw some, skin! Omg! Skin! Insane I know, I should have left the skin at home. so he asked my guy, what is she to you and then said we'd be terminated if we did it again. I was so mortified I could not look at my guy the rest of the time, I almost cried from being so embarrassed and I didn't want to go back. I was ready to request non-contact visits again. He tried to make me laugh and be okay with it but it really freaked me out, the co left 3 visits later to the other room and I believe they got rid of him too. Now Ive seen that if someone is doing something questionable they go to them and say hey, be careful. Politely.

That was our bad experience. Otherwise they are nice these days.

[Chuck's Wife]

Originally Posted by Strong4us

When I started visiting my bf it was all new to me so I didn't know too much. I wore a top alittle too low n was warned to keep it up durning my visit. Ok cool,check! So I go in the visiting room and this one female CO,boy did she get upset! She kept coming over telling me pick it up! I didn't think it was "falling down" but again ok cool! That was a yr ago. I now have "visiting appropriate clothes". So this one CO doesn't work the VR very often but when she does.....something is always going wrong with OUR visit! My top is always sliding down! Umm, well I wear a tank under ALL my shirts to avoid showing my girls,u cant even see the crease but yet its still too low! Plus, the COs at check in who shake me down let me in....so apparently they feel what I'm wearing is deemed ok. Once, she said if u cant keep it up then ur gonna have to leave! WTF,how much higher do u want it?! And another time,my man was rubbing my arm n she said we were touching inappropriately n needed to stop that we were only allowed to hold hands....he was rubbing my forearm by my wrist! Nvr had we had a problem b4 with any other CO but this one......ugh! Always all eyes on us! U know when u can feel someone staring at u! Thank goodness shes hardly there! We're just trying to enjoy our visit,our date and she just HAS to remind us where we are by ALWAYS having something to say! SN: she NVR once has a . Always mean mugging! Poor lady-she must need a hug!

Anyways,just ranting!

Maybe she needs a hug indeed. Lol... They want our Loved Ones to be reminded that they are in prison and for us not to have any kind of contact which will be just fine with them. Keep your head up and just abide by their rules by wearing the appropriate visiting clothes. I've seen some CO's closed a blind eye to some that have done worst in the VR and target certain people, it's like they have certain respect for some but not for others.

[mallafri]

Originally Posted by MONette

Oh boy. Thank you for the warning
I'm reading a book called "Concurrent Sentences" True story. And yep, even though they were married....still had to be careful and not much privacy.
I'll be going on my first visit to a friend, in August. phew!
No tank tops. Gotcha. I assume no shorts or sundresses. Capri's okay? How about sleeveless tops??? Or do I need to wear a turtle neck. (sorry, me being snarky, sigh)
MONette

I wear sundresses all the time when I go to visit my BF. They just have to cover the knees and not be low cut!
It's funny how it always seems to be the female COs who complain about what people wear and who are strict as hell about everything to do with visitation. Wonder why that is? Anyway, I'm glad it's only male COs in the visitation room where my BF is and most of them are pretty cool and understanding too. I dread the day we get a new CO in there!

[mallafri]

Originally Posted by Beachhouse

My guy comes back in and then across the entire room this not nice co yells his name. He had to do it 2 times. Everyone stopped talking in the room. Dead silent, the co said keep talking!

I've had that happen once too, it was horrible, my heart was beating soooooo fast! It was a CO I'd never seen before, apparently he usually works in SHU. My BF and I was up taking pictures and he leaned in and kissed me, just a small one, no tongue or anything. We've done that before and none of the others have ever said anything but this one CO yelled my BF's name really loud and everyone in the room went dead silent too and turned to look at us. Crazy! So Beachhouse, I know how you felt! And yeah, better leave your skin home next time you visit!

[NeverDull]

Today I went to visit on of my man's co-defendants who just got moved to county (from Fed) and I realized I was wearing sandals and thought "oops! i don't know if this is ok!" but the CO didn't say anything...and he was watching me walk down the long hallway. I'm wondering if I can wear sandals to the FDC on Friday so I can show off my matching pedicure! LOL!! Maybe I'll call tomorrow and see....

So far I've been pretty lucky with COs both in the FDC and county here. Although I did have a CO flirt with me and say something inappropriate which was awkward....I would NEVER tell my man about that though!

[Strong4us]

Originally Posted by NeverDull

Today I went to visit on of my man's co-defendants who just got moved to county (from Fed) and I realized I was wearing sandals and thought "oops! i don't know if this is ok!" but the CO didn't say anything...and he was watching me walk down the long hallway. I'm wondering if I can wear sandals to the FDC on Friday so I can show off my matching pedicure! LOL!! Maybe I'll call tomorrow and see....

So far I've been pretty lucky with COs both in the FDC and county here. Although I did have a CO flirt with me and say something inappropriate which was awkward....I would NEVER tell my man about that though!

Speaking of male COs flirting.....

This one always wears a hat,in the yr I've been visiting I've nvr seen him w/o a hat. So one day he took it off when visits were over and as we were walking out (about 20 of us) the majority of the females were ooh'ing n aww'ing and telling him how cute he looked without it n how he needs to not wear it more often. Hmmmm, yes he looked different but me,just me,I would nvr say that! Most of the females were seeing their man (by the kissing-I got this impression). Swooning over this guy hard?? Mmmm,and ur feet away from ur man?? But again that's just me!!

[Beachhouse]

Originally Posted by mallafri

I've had that happen once too, it was horrible, my heart was beating soooooo fast! It was a CO I'd never seen before, apparently he usually works in SHU. My BF and I was up taking pictures and he leaned in and kissed me, just a small one, no tongue or anything. We've done that before and none of the others have ever said anything but this one CO yelled my BF's name really loud and everyone in the room went dead silent too and turned to look at us. Crazy! So Beachhouse, I know how you felt! And yeah, better leave your skin home next time you visit!

Lol. That's horrible. Yea, I never bring skin or cleavage.

[Strong4us]

Originally Posted by Beachhouse

Lol. That's horrible. Yea, I never bring skin or cleavage.

Haha! I'd luv to say that one day....."sorry,nxt time I'll remember to leave my skin n cleavage at home..didn't know if it was ok to bring em or not"

[Beachhouse]

Originally Posted by Strong4us

Speaking of male COs flirting.....

This one always wears a hat,in the yr I've been visiting I've nvr seen him w/o a hat. So one day he took it off when visits were over and as we were walking out (about 20 of us) the majority of the females were ooh'ing n aww'ing and telling him how cute he looked without it n how he needs to not wear it more often. Hmmmm, yes he looked different but me,just me,I would nvr say that! Most of the females were seeing their man (by the kissing-I got this impression). Swooning over this guy hard?? Mmmm,and ur feet away from ur man?? But again that's just me!!

Oh there is lots of flirting with certain cos. I don't mind because it makes it less tense. One always tells me I smell good. And will flirt a bit. It's not flirting that is meant to lead anywhere, it's friendly "I see you every weekend for over a year & normal people would acknowledge that" flirting. I see the same group of women and men and you get used to them. So I feel free to chat about nonspecifics with the women I see every time. I think for the more human cos it's hard not to become familiar. I think you have more leeway at visits too. I told my guy about the one that said I smelled good, he asked if I wanted him to go beat him up, which was goofy because that isn't how my guy is. The same co commented how my guy likes to get clean and pretty for me, and that's why he takes time to arrive at visits. I told my guy he said "true story" his new prison slang. I do think anything that makes the cos more relaxed and human, makes us more comfortable. Which makes visits fantastic!

[Strong4us]

Originally Posted by Beachhouse

Oh there is lots of flirting with certain cos. I don't mind because it makes it less tense. One always tells me I smell good. And will flirt a bit. It's not flirting that is meant to lead anywhere, it's friendly "I see you every weekend for over a year & normal people would acknowledge that" flirting. I see the same group of women and men and you get used to them. So I feel free to chat about nonspecifics with the women I see every time. I think for the more human cos it's hard not to become familiar. I think you have more leeway at visits too. I told my guy about the one that said I smelled good, he asked if I wanted him to go beat him up, which was goofy because that isn't how my guy is. The same co commented how my guy likes to get clean and pretty for me, and that's why he takes time to arrive at visits. I told my guy he said "true story" his new prison slang. I do think anything that makes the cos more relaxed and human, makes us more comfortable. Which makes visits fantastic!

My opinion, you cant control what others say to you but you can control what you say to others. With that, I believe theres a difference between conversing and innocent flirting. I view innocent flirting as still flirting just you know nothing is gonna come of it. I myself choose not to do it tho. Any attention or actions that I wouldn't do in front of my bf or I wouldn't want him to do in front of me....I don't do. Saying, its a good look w/o ur hat sounds better than u look cute. As always,to each their own.

[n016s]

Oh my goodness! Canada is not strict like this AT ALL! I wear pretty much anything in my closet at visits. I haven't visited when it's hot enough to wear shorts, but tank tops are fine, low cut tops are, tight pants, etc. i guess i should be thankful! The only annoying experience i had was the top guy in there got mad at me for lying on a rock, because this place makes you wait outside! There is no waiting room. I was lying there enjoying the weather, listening to music and he comes up yells HEY! And says... Uh sit up! I was pissed because i feel like he treats us like criminals and i dont like that. Whatever though, there are always miserable people you encounter, let them live that depressing life lol

[Beachhouse]

Originally Posted by Strong4us

My opinion, you cant control what others say to you but you can control what you say to others. With that, I believe theres a difference between conversing and innocent flirting. I view innocent flirting as still flirting just you know nothing is gonna come of it. I myself choose not to do it tho. Any attention or actions that I wouldn't do in front of my bf or I wouldn't want him to do in front of me....I don't do. Saying, its a good look w/o ur hat sounds better than u look cute. As always,to each their own.

That's true the way it's said put a totally different feel into it. When we were young our teacher told us to say compliments in such a way as to compliment the person not the item. So much better to say you look nice in that color than to say what a cute shirt. I wouldn't tell a co they look cute but yes I'd tell them they look nice without the hat. : ) and I agree if it's not something you'd say with your significant other standing by you then it's not something to say. Though I realized how old I felt last summer when I met a guy who was 20 couldn't be much more and his eyes were shockingly beautiful. I said wow beautiful eyes! And I felt none of that nervousness you'd feel telling a man you thought he was good looking. I felt like I was a grandma. And I'm not that old yet.

[dalesgirl]

You know , I hate all the hassle too but today a CO reminded me of what he sees. Women getting yelled at by the men that they are holding down. this weekend a girlfriend and the wife and kids of an inmate showing up at the same time, women visiting men who have boyfriends on the inside, guys with so many girls that he has to keep them on separate days. women using their kids to bring in contraband. I hate when I wear something once and the next time its not okay. I hate having to worry if we are kissing to long. But I have to remember almost all the rules are there cause someone broke them before me. I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass.

[countryzgirl]

Originally Posted by dalesgirl

You know , I hate all the hassle too but today a CO reminded me of what he sees. Women getting yelled at by the men that they are holding down. this weekend a girlfriend and the wife and kids of an inmate showing up at the same time, women visiting men who have boyfriends on the inside, guys with so many girls that he has to keep them on separate days. women using their kids to bring in contraband. I hate when I wear something once and the next time its not okay. I hate having to worry if we are kissing to long. But I have to remember almost all the rules are there cause someone broke them before me. I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass.

Very good points. A little empathy goes a long way, IMO. After all, we're visiting a prison. I don't expect it to be easy, friendly or accommodating. If the COs are cool, great. If not, I figure their job is not to make this a positive experience for me. They are charged with enforcing the rules of the institution and making sure nothing happens that shouldn't. Sure, a few are a little overzealous and some are just plain a**holes. Whatever. I go in, follow the regulations, don't cause a fuss and focus on my man.

[Princess1029]

Originally Posted by dalesgirl

You know , I hate all the hassle too but today a CO reminded me of what he sees. Women getting yelled at by the men that they are holding down. this weekend a girlfriend and the wife and kids of an inmate showing up at the same time, women visiting men who have boyfriends on the inside, guys with so many girls that he has to keep them on separate days. women using their kids to bring in contraband. I hate when I wear something once and the next time its not okay. I hate having to worry if we are kissing to long. But I have to remember almost all the rules are there cause someone broke them before me. I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass.

I tell my husband that all the time..Just like they can no longer go to the line by the vending machine..I told him there is a REASON they made that rule..he says it's just to make it harder on them..The short kiss & hug rule..I witnessed why that is in place. I saw a couple sucking face for like 5 mins..I was like welp, that's why..who wants to see a bunch of people doing that.. I am very much by the rules, he wants extra kisses & I am all umm I dunno if we should be doing that haha...sucks though a few people ruin things for so many others that do the right thing!

[Beachhouse]

True about the rule breakers. I often forget not everyone wants to follow the rules, do their time and get heck out. Some feel the need to leave their brains at home and be quite selfish.

[Strong4us]

I agree,my man is so against breaking the rules. He always says "I don't know if thats allowed" he doesn't want to lose visits or have a non contact visit behind glass. Shoot,neither do I! Like yall say do the time n get out!

[Beachhouse]

Originally Posted by Strong4us

I agree,my man is so against breaking the rules. He always says "I don't know if thats allowed" he doesn't want to lose visits or have a non contact visit behind glass. Shoot,neither do I! Like yall say do the time n get out!

Mine us afraid to kiss even. Ugh! But we have figured a way to get extra hugs.