How do you deal with the negative effects of prison?

[FirstandMore]

My husband is an amazing man who made some very poor choices... I'm sure so many of you can relate.. Before he went in, he was a very loving person who would give the shirt off of his back to help anyone. He would never hurt anyone's feelings if he could help it, and his relationship with God was strong. Long story short, drugs really change a person. He got clean and sober, and even in prison, I seen the "old Jared" that I knew and loved. As the years go on, I see him becoming more bitter and he has changed so much. Have you ever dealt with this? Will he ever get back to his old self? He seems to like who he is now because he's getting things accomplished (college, learning new skills, etc..) but I just want the loving man I married back...

[RG's girl]

I was going to first respond by saying, that maybe he feels stagnate, but you kind of addressed that (with learning etc.) I think you might have to ask him how he feels. I know when we are not getting our emotional needs met we can find it difficult to give out love. I read a book once that addressed this topic-and its a great conversation tool-to learn about one another. It is called "The Five Love Languages" it was written by a family and marriage counselor with 25 years experience. It has a small test that helps you determine your love language-or what makes you feel loved-with the idea that if you feel loved you are more likely to fulfill others needs. The way me and my husband did it was we filled one out on ourselves and one on each other. Then we mailed them to one another so we couldn't cheat. Then we read the book together. It addresses "real life" situations and gives very easy tips on how to do that. It might help you address his feelings without making him feel "self conscious" about it.

[Temeron0926]

It is really hard to deal with the negative aspects of prison seeing as how 99% of it IS negative. I hate to tell you this, but the "old Jared" is probably gone. He can be "like" the old Jared, but he will never be that man. Prison changes a person horribly. HE will never be the person he once was, no one can go to prison ant NOT change, BUT he CAN be as good as he used to be, in a different way.

I am not trying to be negative, I just want you to know that even the nicest, most loving person in the world would change by being in prison. It is what it is. As long as he can hold onto love and the characteristics that made him "a very loving person who would give the shirt off of his back to help anyone" then he will be somewhat like the "old Jared" he will just not be the same man he once was, but he CAN be a better man.