Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

Agall727 · #1 05-11-2012, 01:46 PM

I posted one time before, well weeks have turned into one week to go before my fiances sentencing. He's facing 4 probation violations, back time of 4yrs 9mo, standard time is 6mo-12mo. He was evaluated for rehab and was approved, but we havent heard if he's able to get into any programs. Apparently the prosecutor wants to give him all this back time but his po requested some of this back time be revoked.

We have an almost 4 yearold daughter, we've been engaged for two years. I'm struggling with the fact that he hid his addictions from me for 5 years, but all I can do is forgive and try to forget. He's been clean for nearly two months now and I feel at ease with not having to wonder what he may be doing.

He doesn't believe me that if he goes for his full time that I'll be faithful. I know that I will be, but I'm afraid it will drive him crazy wondering what I'm doing.

I want to marry him because it feels like the right thing to do, but I'm also worried about taking on his debts. I'm also concerned with how I'll beable to eventually rent on my own and just regular adult things that I'd be doing without my 'husband'. I'm going to have to live my life, I just want to make sure that I'll be able to.

Also, there would be the disapprovers in my family. Prison is scarey! What if something happens?! I want to beable to have a 'say' or have the right to know what's going on. I want to be seen as more than just the 'girlfriend' because we do have a daughter.

If anyone can offer any tips or advice that would be great, time is running out...

**shaunna** · #2 05-11-2012, 04:20 PM

Marriage is a big step and should be something that you really want to do not because you feel as if you have to or because it's the only way to have 'a say' if something happens. If he does have debts unfortunately due to his situation they are probably going to be there for a while and being married you need to work as a team, if you're having doubts maybe just take some more time before making such a big step

Agall727 · #3 05-13-2012, 09:19 AM

You're right, I mean it's not that I just want to have a say, but when I think of him he's my best friend, and 'mine'. I'm not going anywhere, nothing is going to change if goes, I'm just upset that I may be losing my best friend, and I feel so empty and sick inside. Part of me is angry too, I'm just so confused. Not sure what I'll do....

**Nieves915** · #4 05-13-2012, 09:46 AM

Do what you think is best,,, there is no need t rush into marriage you have already been engaged for 2. I believe he can put you down as his conact person,, i dont know what do VA say about common law marriages, Im in texas and I know here its different.
He hid your addiction for 5 years, i can relate, mine hid it for 2. Its a tough spot to be in, but we love em and we forgive, but dont ever forget,,,,, if we forget we are subject to reliving that again.
Here in texas his debt before the marriage is his,,, only what we created after the marriage is joint. I just got a medical bill in the mail from the day he was arrested, they took him to the hospital,,,, hmmmm he was in custory they should be paying.
Again, if you want to marry him, marry him, but not for the wrong reasons,,,,, he should know your not going anywhere, with our without a piece of paper,