Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

RaRE Love · #26 05-12-2012, 06:16 PM

I am not swearing for my man. He have told me he would have my back if the shoe was on the other foot. Being faithful is another ball game...

Klewis · #27 05-13-2012, 07:47 AM

Well I guess I am an odd ball because I ask my Fiance' hypothetical question all the time. How else will I know were his head is at. He never gets upset or anything because he understands they are just hypothetical questions. I don't think I could be in a relationship were I had to travel lightly on the things I want and need to ask.

harrellgirl · #28 05-13-2012, 08:53 AM

In my experience when they get mad/defensive like that then he knows your right etc, etc..
I told my bf the same thing and even tho he denies it, I know he would cuz we kinda been in the situation where the show was on the other foot in a way when I was a teen an my mom had me shipped off. He totally moved on to another girl after like 3 months. smh

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotties_Girl21

So me and my bf had the "if the shoe were on the other foot" convo this morning and I said I think if I were in prison and it was turned around you would write me and everything but you would probly be out having sex with girls and he got really mad! Like really mad! He was like how could you say that? No I wouldn't? And I explained the reason I thought that was because I felt men don't attatch a lot of emotion to sex and it would be easier for him to cheat. Well he didn't like that. Then he said "that makes me feel like if you think I'd do that then you would be out doing the same thing" totally turned it around on me! Ugh, it made our convo end on a kinda bad note but at the end he said I love you and I trust you until you give me a reason not to. So I kinda feel better about it. But I almost wish I woulda kept my big mouth shut all together.

Scotties_Girl21 · #29 05-13-2012, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klewis

Well I guess I am an odd ball because I ask my Fiance' hypothetical question all the time. How else will I know were his head is at. He never gets upset or anything because he understands they are just hypothetical questions. I don't think I could be in a relationship were I had to travel lightly on the things I want and need to ask.

That's what I'm saying. Its just a question he's a big boy he can handle it. And it helps me to see where his heads at. I completely agree with you.

nimuay · #30 05-13-2012, 09:49 AM

I never asked, but he volunteered that he would be much more there for me than I was for him. Bullpuckey! He had far too high an opinion of himself.

**Nieves915** · #31 05-13-2012, 09:59 AM

well my man states he would move heaven and earth to help me if it was other way around, but you know, as much as i know he loves me, i also know that he wouldnt not, could not do the things that I do out here for him. He couldnt not be faithful, (not cuz he doenst love me) but because men dont associate sex witih love, its just a physical thing, and as far as the money on books, phone, etc,,, yea no,,,, I dont think he would do it........ I just think we are the nurturors and that is how we are designed... i cant even get him to write me a letter,, ,ive gotten one in 20 days,,,,,, does he not understand that I need that???? Like i understand he needs the calls, the money, the letters...... No im not in prison,,, but im in hell!!!!!!!!!! cant he see that?

Candy4U · #32 05-13-2012, 11:10 AM

I have never met a guy with a gf in prison... So that just tells me that if the shoe was in the other foot i wouldn't have a man....

MzTeeki · #33 05-13-2012, 01:39 PM

I told him I would TRY to wait. He told me as long as I dont get pregnant or get a std, he wont be mad if I "do me". He just better not find out about it, so be discreet. Hes been.in since Jan, and so far so good. My bday is coming up in July tho, so I might allow myself to get that "gift" lol. Just that once.

Im human.

Scotties_Girl21 · #34 05-13-2012, 02:32 PM

Lol everyone's got their own arrangements I respect wat everyone does but I'm waiting on mine (: that's the only sex I want. Plus its just two months. I got this lol.

lesliew32 · #35 05-13-2012, 02:56 PM

I don't even think about if he would or wouldn't be faithful if rolls where switched. This debate in my opinion is not based around if our men love us enough to wait. The real issue is men and women are different creatures. Women long for intimacy on a emotional level. Such as the letters we receive along with phone calls. Those feed our soul to wait for our man. However IMO men are more visual sexual creatures that can have sex without emotion. Its obvious walk in prisons men have their women at almost every visit in some cases more than one! On the other hand women prisoners are less fortunate. Women are nurtures by design therefore that's why things are different. This debate reminds me of how some men feel its okay for them to have sleep around while single but at the same time they expect women to stay "pure" and wait. But hey that's just my observation on how different men and women are.

Scotties_Girl21 · #36 05-13-2012, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lesliew32

I don't even think about if he would or wouldn't be faithful if rolls where switched. This debate in my opinion is not based around if our men love us enough to wait. The real issue is men and women are different creatures. Women long for intimacy on a emotional level. Such as the letters we receive along with phone calls. Those feed our soul to wait for our man. However IMO men are more visual sexual creatures that can have sex without emotion. Its obvious walk in prisons men have their women at almost every visit in some cases more than one! On the other hand women prisoners are less fortunate. Women are nurtures by design therefore that's why things are different. This debate reminds me of how some men feel its okay for them to have sleep around while single but at the same time they expect women to stay "pure" and wait. But hey that's just my observation on how different men and women are.

I completely agree. Well said.

nimuay · #37 05-13-2012, 05:02 PM

I think his is a very individual thing. My dad was a nurturer and for quite a while celibate. One of my exes was unquestionably a nurturer and sexual only when in love. My brother was totally asexual. Some women cheat all over the place. My mother did.

If cheating is what you strongly suspect, you're probably right. If you're fairly sure that isn't his MO then you're probably right.

Scotties_Girl21 · #38 05-13-2012, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

I think his is a very individual thing. My dad was a nurturer and for quite a while celibate. One of my exes was unquestionably a nurturer and sexual only when in love. My brother was totally asexual. Some women cheat all over the place. My mother did.

If cheating is what you strongly suspect, you're probably right. If you're fairly sure that isn't his MO then you're probably right.

I don't suspect him of cheating at all. I'm not nieve but I do know in my heart he's not doing that to me.

GuerosMama · #39 05-19-2012, 08:13 PM

How funny it is, that I would stick my foot in my mouth. After writing on here that I don't agree with asking hypotheticals....I asked one tonight. (Not this one) and it led to this question coming up. I told him that I didn't think he would be celibate if it were the other way around, and he got SOO hurt. I couldn't believe it! He was so quiet and told me "that really hurts my feelings that you think so lowly of me"

Oh man, I guess thats what I get for asking a stupid question in the first place.

Scotties_Girl21 · #40 05-19-2012, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GuerosMama

How funny it is, that I would stick my foot in my mouth. After writing on here that I don't agree with asking hypotheticals....I asked one tonight. (Not this one) and it led to this question coming up. I told him that I didn't think he would be celibate if it were the other way around, and he got SOO hurt. I couldn't believe it! He was so quiet and told me "that really hurts my feelings that you think so lowly of me"

Oh man, I guess thats what I get for asking a stupid question in the first place.

That's exactly how I felt lol

y did I ask that? I immediately knew I stuck my foot in my mouth. I don't regret ever asking it though, like someone else said in a previous post, it kinda gave me insight to where his head was at.

CDROZWIFEY · #41 05-19-2012, 08:37 PM

We've had the same convo he got mad too he said he would wait for me too when I can honestly say I don't believe it for a second he cheated on me two yrs before he got locked up so if I was in there i have. I reason to beliee he wouldn't cheat... Sad but true

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

Scotties_Girl21 · #42 05-19-2012, 09:13 PM

He asks me to be honest so I keep it 100 with him at all times as does he and I love it that way, it made him mad when I said it and kind of hurt but he forgot about it quickly so it wasn't a big deal but I like to ask him things like that so I can gauge his response lol. He's not a good liar AT ALL I can almost always calk him in his bullshit n he knows it haha.

Scotties_Girl21 · #43 05-19-2012, 09:13 PM

*call

LizFamBam · #44 05-21-2012, 12:28 AM

and i thought i was the only one to ask that question. but im kind of in a different place. i guess i asked because im stuck in between do i wait do i not. see he cheated on me a few weeks before he got locked up and he had just gotten out two months before that and i had found out about other incidents well none the less i stayed but now im unsure. i got pregnant this last time and i dont want that to be the reason i stayed. but i believe by asking questions like that i didnt get really far probably more confussed

MsPrettiJackson · #45 05-26-2012, 08:23 AM

My husband gets all sad and mad when I say the same thing to him. AT THE END OF THE DAY if "I" was doing a 15 year sentence (put yourself in their shoes) no matter what he tells me HE IS A MAN he would not wait. NO MAN would. I would give it a week no more than a month and they will have some one else. Some women would come along and do the tings that we cant do and it would start off as a friendship and SURELY blossom into something else. When their in prison they are into their feelings ONLY BECAUSE their locked up but they would not be down for us like we are for them. Sure they would put money on our books and want to be there but REALISTICALLY that would not be the case. They say all that stuff to keep our minds stayed on them because most of us wives and girlfriends is their security blanket meaning eyes & ears to the "freeworld". But let the tables turn and see what happens, becuase it will certainly NOT be returned in favor!!! (promise you that)

Scotties_Girl21 · #46 05-26-2012, 08:43 AM

I totally agree.

thatwiz · #47 05-26-2012, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klewis

Well I guess I am an odd ball because I ask my Fiance' hypothetical question all the time. How else will I know were his head is at. He never gets upset or anything because he understands they are just hypothetical questions. I don't think I could be in a relationship were I had to travel lightly on the things I want and need to ask.

Hypothetical questions do not at all predict how someone will react in real life. When not having been faced with the problem, it's much easier to solve and say you'd do the exact best case scenario. It's kind of like why people who have never had someone locked up, don't understand what its like. I don't think a hypothetical question is any kind of real prediction on what someone will do. Thats why it is very important to know someone for many years and go thru things with them on the outside world-real world actions are the only predictors of real world situations. Thats why personally I don't know how someone could get married to someone MWI, before they have even gotten out or someone on the outside who has only known someone a short time- I am not just that much of a gambler. More power to those who take the risk, but I just would never do it.

Scotties_Girl21 · #48 05-26-2012, 09:45 AM

I agree that it wouldn't guarantee what a person would do in that situation but for me, the reason I originally asked him this was to see what his reaction would be. It got him thinking for sure. I didn't expect a relationship altering answer or anything, I was just curious as to his reaction and I think it def made him realize what I do isn't a cake walk out here waiting for him, it got the gears in his mind turning if you know what I mean lol.

Miss_Nique · #49 05-26-2012, 10:06 PM

Shit, i think the same way. I really do think he would (my man). They always say no they wouldn't, but its a lie.
Now, some guys can b faithful, n some not n iknw my man.

Scotties_Girl21 · #50 05-26-2012, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss_Nique

Shit, i think the same way. I really do think he would (my man). They always say no they wouldn't, but its a lie.
Now, some guys can b faithful, n some not n iknw my man.

Exactly. We have a good relationship and I hope he would wait but I think honestly he would end up having meaningless sex with someone else. We as women go through so many emotions, with lonleyness and feelings and I think its easier for us to sort out these emotions and deal, my man however is not good at expressing feelings. He does it in his own way but still I think it has to do with the different ways men and women deal with emotions.