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Mypast? · #1 05-13-2012, 05:53 PM

Friend in Missouri has been in Jail basically since mid January. He has been charged with 2nd Degree Domestic Abuse (his wife testified that he pushed her after she told him that she was leaving him) and then he resisted arrest. This is the first time he's been charged with either. Any idea on jail time. I fear that he will do something drastic if he gets bad news. He knows his reaction to her news was wrong, so no need to really bash him for it. I just thought I'd see if anyone had any idea of time he's looking at.

When he did bond out he broke the protection order by calling once, writing to her once and going to see her once, so those charges are pending in another county as well.

countryzgirl · #2 05-13-2012, 06:04 PM

He'll get a public defender that will guide him legally. Despite what many folks say and believe most PD's are quite good. After all, they deal with these cases day in and day out. They know the prosecutors, the law and the judges. It sounds like he's in jail for good reason. You only know his side of the story. I imagine her account is quite different - with pictures and other documentation of physical harm to support it. DV is very serious and ugly crime, as is violating a restraining order and resisting arrest. Perhaps he is where he belongs for now?

Mypast? · #3 05-13-2012, 06:10 PM

He has an attorney. I know there are two sides to every story. Just trying to get an idea of what might happen. Thank you for replying to this post and the other one. Really, thank you.

countryzgirl · #4 05-13-2012, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mypast?

He has an attorney. I know there are two sides to every story. Just trying to get an idea of what might happen. Thank you for replying to this post and the other one. Really, thank you.

You're welcome. Trust that things will end up as they should, even without your assistance. Take care of yourself.

KamisSister · #5 05-13-2012, 07:08 PM

The thing with these DV cases is that no DA wants to go soft on one and end up with a dead girlfriend or wife later and that has happened too many times.

yourself · #6 05-13-2012, 08:20 PM

I believe it depends on what the victim wants, how much publicity the case is getting,, and what the abuser is doing to better himself right now. The, "I'm afraid he might hurt himself" routine needs to stop and stop now, or nobody's going to pay attention to anything he does.

The nco violations are contempt citations, plus a violation of the conditions of his bond. That he was not able to adhere to the most basic and essential requirement of his bond, and he violated the nco at least 3 times using three separate methods doesn't speak well.

He's gotta start controlling himself and taking responsibility for his actions, or things could go really poorly for him.

Mypast? · #7 05-14-2012, 10:24 AM

Thank you "Yourself" I think he realizes what a big big mistake he made. He is the only one that can help himself deal with it. He's being held in a very small county where no counseling is available, so until he's moved somewhere else, he's very alone.

BTW, I also understand that he handled things the wrong way, I'm not blind to that.

nimuay · #8 05-14-2012, 10:41 AM

It's not one mistake - it's an entire way of thinking that needs to be addressed. Be wary of that.

Mypast? · #9 05-14-2012, 11:08 AM

I didn't mean it as one mistake... mistake(s) is correct, he realizes that the way he has dealt with things isn't right and has started attending some church sponsored functions, etc and is in touch with support groups that are in his area for when he gets out (if he gets out).

But I have appreciated all the comments, and have taken them to heart. I think that this whole thing has actually brought my daughter and I closer in some ways.

He's trying to make amends, not only to me, but to other family members that he's had some issues with in the past. I think it's only fair to let him try, things are never forgotten, but when is the time you start to forgive?

mridgeman · #10 05-14-2012, 12:29 PM

I am sure his attorney has some idea of what the DA will be charging him with so he wont be surprised when the charges are filed. Hopefully he can handle himself when it comes to defending himself against a man. I think you are a very caring person for stating the he should be given a change to make amends. I hope he really means it! good luck.

yourself · #11 05-14-2012, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mypast?

Thank you "Yourself" I think he realizes what a big big mistake he made. He is the only one that can help himself deal with it. He's being held in a very small county where no counseling is available, so until he's moved somewhere else, he's very alone.

BTW, I also understand that he handled things the wrong way, I'm not blind to that.

Small county jails are an entirely different issue - most do have AA and NA meetings, so if that's an issue, he should partake in it.

Beyond that, he should spend his time reading. I used to donate books to the smaller county jails, and several of the judges, lawyers, clerks, and even deputies would do the same, so usually there are things available to read, and reading can make the time go faster.

Glad to hear he's checking into resources available.

Here's the thing about forgiveness - you owe it to yourself. He owes atonement, and he needs to do his best to atone whether you all forgive or not. Atonement is more than saying, "sorry" (or worse; "sorry, but..."). It's acknowledging the harm cause, repairing the harm done, and doing everything possible to make sure that such harm doesn't happen again.

Forgiveness is about the victim(s) healing the damage caused them, and dealing with the consequences of that damage. It should be done whether or not the offender ever tries to atone.

Reconciliation? When you have forgiveness and atonement together, then reconciliation is possible. In DV situations, it should only be done with the help of professionals.

Mypast? · #12 05-14-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yourself

Small county jails are an entirely different issue - most do have AA and NA meetings, so if that's an issue, he should partake in it...

Thank you so much, I appreciate your candid responses, and all the information that you have mentioned and added and the fact that well, you didn't just say Run for the hills and hate this man (not exact words).

**Nieves915** · #13 06-23-2012, 11:02 PM

Well i can tell you what they gave my ex.... it wasnt the first time either,,, they gave him two years probation,,, This after serving 3 years for the last time. three years prison,,,,, and they gave him probation...and he didnt just push me.... he got 180 days for his dwi charge, but the felony domestic case 2 years probation.... SMH

4everand3 · #14 06-23-2012, 11:12 PM

My fiance got charged with 2nd Degree Domestic Assault against his ex, and he did 19 months. He has been in trouble before, and this was his 2nd time going to prison. We're in Missouri also. I'm not sure about the other pending charges against your friend, just can tell you what my fiance got. I hope things go well for your friend.

boring · #15 03-11-2013, 02:09 AM

I have to wonder, have any of you ever gotten so angry you almost hurt someone? You all act as if this man is a horrible person, no not horrible or so you say "He's where he needs to be", I beg to differ. Prisons were made for hardened criminals, if this is his first offense I doubt he's where he needs to be. Think about it....I'm not being argumentative I'm being sensitive to the fact that I myself am a paralegal and I see many things about the "law" that just isn't right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nimuay

It's not one mistake - it's an entire way of thinking that needs to be addressed. Be wary of that.

Momma Ann · #16 03-11-2013, 06:07 AM

The DV crime someone is finally arrested on is rarely, if ever, their first. Much like DWI. Sorry, but to me a crime that victimizes a loved one is the worst kind.

nimuay · #17 03-11-2013, 07:58 AM

Boring - both men and women are capable of that 'way of thinking'. If you look at the stickies in this forum you will see one titled Domestic Abuse By Women. We know it happens.

yourself · #18 03-11-2013, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boring

I have to wonder, have any of you ever gotten so angry you almost hurt someone? You all act as if this man is a horrible person, no not horrible or so you say "He's where he needs to be", I beg to differ. Prisons were made for hardened criminals, if this is his first offense I doubt he's where he needs to be. Think about it....I'm not being argumentative I'm being sensitive to the fact that I myself am a paralegal and I see many things about the "law" that just isn't right.

m'kay, we'll leave the second degree out of it, and we'll leave the violation of the order of protection out of it since you want to concentrate on the first offense.

What you appear to be saying is that domestic abusers are not hardened criminals and therefor don't need to be in prison. Extrapolating from your perspective, a "hardened criminal" is what? A person who goes out and beats a complete stranger? A "softened criminal" is a person who merely beats on the people he "loves" and who love him.

Btw, the mentally ill are much more likely to be the victims of crimes than just about any population. Mental illness doesn't mean they are any less victims, just that some people are going to be less likely to listen to them. Further, because of their own experiences with law enforcement, they are less likely to report their own victimization. Stigma is a horrible thing. We should not perpetuate it.

26thncaliswag · #19 03-11-2013, 04:50 PM

There is also a BIG difference between a first offense and getting caught for the first time. VOOP's and 2nd degree DV is hardly the calling card of a 1st time offender. He is where he needs to be is based off the premise that he is unaware, nonchalant or unable to deal with circumstances in which he does an act that is violent towards his mate.

Nim is right. It is a belief system that needs to be changed. Somehow, this person believed that under those cicumstances in which I was angered enough, I should hit this person. This belief is what needs to be addressed.

In the case in which the victim was allegedly "mentally ill," 90% of my guys say that. Regardless, the non mentally ill person is the one that chose to stay in a relationship rather than leave. It makes no sense. Therefore, the person who has documented abuse on file, is the one that needs to be dealt with.

**LifeTraveler** · #20 03-11-2013, 07:33 PM

Please get this thread back on track, people. The OP asked how much time his friend was looking at. Any further discussion of domestic abuse needs to go in the Domestic Violence forum.

26thncaliswag · #21 03-11-2013, 09:33 PM

Ok. So based on the fact that he readily admits to abusing the victim. Then he broke the order of protection by contacting the victim, I'd expect ro face the full sentence. I'd say that the odds of a jail sentence would be pretty high. He has shown a proprensity to shirk the system by contacting the victim. Regardless of his reported reason, it will be construed as a means to get her to drop charges. Class 3's in Mo carries a 1-7 year range, so apparently, he did some did some damage. I'd say, he stands a very good chance to do jail time, plus a DVP when he gets out.