Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

LoveBuggy · #1 05-22-2012, 12:46 PM

Woohoo we are finally (after almost 4 years) under 100 days. Time seems to be dragging now. I'm trying to buy things for him (clothes ect) to make him feel at home. Our relationship is stronger than ever. When the girls visit him they act like he's already home and completely bonded. Problem is I think he's starting to have coming home anxiety. Hes been doing work release since November so I was thinking it would be an easier transition. I reassure him. Any words of advice? Anyone else going through this?

Southernsun · #2 05-22-2012, 01:48 PM

Hey there so glad to hear im not the only one going thru this. I've started work release threads to c if anyone was having challenges but not had replies yes it seems that the anxiety is worse now for him and the loneliness is worse for me it crazy

<3 Heart belongs to Droopy <3

gabbygirl372001 · #3 05-22-2012, 02:28 PM

From what Ive read, this is normal. They all go thru it, some more than others. I think part of it is the change of it all. We go thru it too! The sense of the unknown maybe? I don't know, but we have to keep encouraging one another, and keep our eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. I have to remind mine that he should be happy...not stressed right now!

taraadele18 · #4 05-22-2012, 03:10 PM

Very good possibility. He's been there long enough, and it's a huge transition!! The routine is getting so close to changing. It's scary! He'll have his good days and his crazy days. Isn't crazy how a journey like this can bring you closer and stronger?!

you're almost done! Keep your head up!

Sent from my iPhone using PrisonTalk

lil peep · #5 05-22-2012, 03:25 PM

Whoohoo!! You guys are almost there!

I don't have any advice cause we're not there yet, but from posts other ladies have written, it seems normal for them to have anxiety the closer it gets to coming home. It's a big change and if they're actually coming home and trying to stay out, then it's probably more nervewracking cause they won't be going back to what they know. Finding a job, being part of the every day comings and goings is exciting, but they may wonder and worry how it will go. Just my thoughts! It's good to see you back Lovebuggy

hismess · #6 05-23-2012, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveBuggy

Woohoo we are finally (after almost 4 years) under 100 days. Time seems to be dragging now. I'm trying to buy things for him (clothes ect) to make him feel at home. Our relationship is stronger than ever. When the girls visit him they act like he's already home and completely bonded. Problem is I think he's starting to have coming home anxiety. Hes been doing work release since November so I was thinking it would be an easier transition. I reassure him. Any words of advice? Anyone else going through this?

your not alone! mine is having anxiety and every other emotion thinkable! all at the same time it seems most days!!! i just try to get him to focus on one thing at a time, and to break things down. i just keep telling him i'll be there baby every step of the way, we'll get through it together!! it helps some. but there are days when he can drive me up the wall with it!! lol

tqi · #7 05-24-2012, 08:37 PM

My son was released yesterday after a little over 100 days in jail. Yes there is definitely an anxiety that goes along with coming home. He said it sucked but it was simple and he didn't have to make decisions or worry about anything. Like many of our loved ones, he suffers with the horror of addiction. I have seen people achieve long term recovery on the outside and transform their lives. So I believe if he uses the tools he received in jail AND does what was suggested to him to keep his sobriety daily, he will soon begin to believe in himself and slowly build a life that he can't imagine right now. I realize this situation is one of many and others have different reasons for fear and anxiety upon release. But it makes perfect sense to me that even a joyous transition would include stress and adjustment. Best wishes to all.

tqi · #8 05-24-2012, 11:48 PM

I'm updating my post. I feel I sounded pretty foolishly uninformed when it comes to addiction and prison rehab and diminished the torment we as loved ones and they as addicts live. When I said the tools he received in jail, I was only referring to the specific center he was in. I don't know how others work; I've heard some offer much less help. My son also has been to outside treatment so he had tools (knowledge) he chose not to apply. I have to keep telling myself this time is different. He took it upon himself to get clean in NA 4 months prior to his incarceration. An incarceration for an offense 19 months prior. He has a 3 year old daughter that he loves but never before let interfere with his using. Her mom is a heroin addict as well. She began when her baby was 6 months. She rarely calls and very rarely sees her daughter. I have guardianship. Yes I do know people who are succeeding personally. I know my son can, but may not. He lives with me and I've not wanted to put pressure on him but had to be honest. After these months of caring for her w/o his help, I truly can't do it alone successfully and fear I will fall apart completely if he is jailed again or overdoses. He and his daughters mom were together and I didn't know the mom was using and she kept telling me how well my son was doing. I wasn't seeing them often and when they knew I was coming they pulled it together. It was right after my 18 year old son died of an overdose that the two of them began calling me fighting and threatening to hurt themselves or each other and my fiancé would drive over to get my granddaughter. Then my son was arrested on a. charge that could have gotten him years had it not been reduced. He was free for those 19 months with an uncertainty as to his legal fate. His use continued and I doubted he'd be alive to see the outcome. I had no legal right to my granddaughter and wasn't in a state to care for her . I feel like now after all this time the loss of my son, the one who had no drama but was suffering inside, is becoming more painful not less. I believe he didn't want to burden me with his problem because he was so used to seeing me worry and cry over his brother. My fiancé was very understanding now is tired of my inability to function better. My husband, their dad died of heart failure in 2000 so my fiancé could not be expected to feel the pain of having both kids to grief. The live one has been grieved as well. Often I didn't know which I was hurting over. I call him my fiancé still but I have no plan to marry him. I see a psychologist but it's a slow process and I waited too long. I do put on a front, we have to! I put what little energy I have into my granddaughter and will do what is my part to help my son get started. When I have the chance. I'm in bed reading or doing paperwork. I don't know if it was appropriate to get off subject and include so many details not related directly to my prisoner son. If so I apologize. I don't have the energy to edit it. Best wishes to all.

DannysFM · #9 05-27-2012, 07:19 PM

My son gets released in a little over 2 weeks. He is definitely MUCH more stressed these days, and says the days are going slower. I'm worried about him because he is so stressed and I'm afraid he is going to lose it right as we are getting towards the end...but I just keep praying that he will keep his head on straight, take it one day at a time, and make it home as planned!

No More Tears · #10 05-27-2012, 09:58 PM

It will take time for him to get used to the fact that he is home. Although it is nit new to him, he still has to become adjusted to it all. Patience with him readjusting to having his freedom is all that both of you will need to get through this.

Congratulations

No More Tears · #11 05-27-2012, 10:09 PM

When my husband came home, the first night he sleep on the sofa. I was kind of baffled by that, but I realized that he needed time to get back into the swing of sharing a bed with someone. We hadn't slept together in 2.5. It didn't take me coaxing him the second night because he was in there before me. I guess he just needed that one night of solitude to snap back into being home.

adamsrubberduck · #12 05-29-2012, 09:50 AM

Anxiety of coming home is very real. Some handle it better than others. My guy is actually getting meds for his anxiety. It was starting to get very bad and I am glad that he got help. He is much better with the meds and I suggested to him to make sure that they give him at least a 1 month supply before he leaves so that he can have it at home. He feels that he won't need it but I disagree. Being home for the 1st month will be hard for him because he has no idea of what it will be like to be with me. We didn't live together or even in the same state before he went in. He will have a big transition to make.

My guy started to act out and even went to seg for 15 days do to his anxiety. He was not and he knew it. I hate that he had to go to seg but I am glad that he asked for help and not try to be the tough guy and wait it out.

He was driving me nuts and I knew that there had to be a good reason for it and it was.

purpleflipflops · #13 06-07-2012, 03:58 AM

I need some advice here, my man found out around 5-5 that he is coming home on 6/28 and with each passing letter they were getting shorter and shorter. He mentioned about being nervous/stressed as well. He's been locked up in seg for 7 years and then on last Thursday he was transferred to a psychiatric unit. Is this normal? They wont tell us anything without him signing a release which he has yet to do. I am a basket case and cant function and dont know what to do. I've not received ANY MAIL from him since last Friday and that is not normal for him at all? What can I do????

Concerned, PLEASE HELP!!

Lisa

Sheryl P. · #14 06-07-2012, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tqi

I'm updating my post. I feel I sounded pretty foolishly uninformed when it comes to addiction and prison rehab and diminished the torment we as loved ones and they as addicts live. When I said the tools he received in jail, I was only referring to the specific center he was in. I don't know how others work; I've heard some offer much less help. My son also has been to outside treatment so he had tools (knowledge) he chose not to apply. I have to keep telling myself this time is different. He took it upon himself to get clean in NA 4 months prior to his incarceration. An incarceration for an offense 19 months prior. He has a 3 year old daughter that he loves but never before let interfere with his using. Her mom is a heroin addict as well. She began when her baby was 6 months. She rarely calls and very rarely sees her daughter. I have guardianship. Yes I do know people who are succeeding personally. I know my son can, but may not. He lives with me and I've not wanted to put pressure on him but had to be honest. After these months of caring for her w/o his help, I truly can't do it alone successfully and fear I will fall apart completely if he is jailed again or overdoses. He and his daughters mom were together and I didn't know the mom was using and she kept telling me how well my son was doing. I wasn't seeing them often and when they knew I was coming they pulled it together. It was right after my 18 year old son died of an overdose that the two of them began calling me fighting and threatening to hurt themselves or each other and my fiancé would drive over to get my granddaughter. Then my son was arrested on a. charge that could have gotten him years had it not been reduced. He was free for those 19 months with an uncertainty as to his legal fate. His use continued and I doubted he'd be alive to see the outcome. I had no legal right to my granddaughter and wasn't in a state to care for her . I feel like now after all this time the loss of my son, the one who had no drama but was suffering inside, is becoming more painful not less. I believe he didn't want to burden me with his problem because he was so used to seeing me worry and cry over his brother. My fiancé was very understanding now is tired of my inability to function better. My husband, their dad died of heart failure in 2000 so my fiancé could not be expected to feel the pain of having both kids to grief. The live one has been grieved as well. Often I didn't know which I was hurting over. I call him my fiancé still but I have no plan to marry him. I see a psychologist but it's a slow process and I waited too long. I do put on a front, we have to! I put what little energy I have into my granddaughter and will do what is my part to help my son get started. When I have the chance. I'm in bed reading or doing paperwork. I don't know if it was appropriate to get off subject and include so many details not related directly to my prisoner son. If so I apologize. I don't have the energy to edit it. Best wishes to all.

I honestly don't know how you manage with all the painful events and losses you have faced.
I am gald you have decided to seek a psychologist to help you put a voice to some of this.
I pray your son continues with his recovery and makes wise choices.
Huggs

Sheryl P. · #15 06-07-2012, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purpleflipflops

I need some advice here, my man found out around 5-5 that he is coming home on 6/28 and with each passing letter they were getting shorter and shorter. He mentioned about being nervous/stressed as well. He's been locked up in seg for 7 years and then on last Thursday he was transferred to a psychiatric unit. Is this normal? They wont tell us anything without him signing a release which he has yet to do. I am a basket case and cant function and dont know what to do. I've not received ANY MAIL from him since last Friday and that is not normal for him at all? What can I do????

Concerned, PLEASE HELP!!

Lisa

He probably could not write since he was transfered.
He may have expressed how anxious he was and they may have sent him for an evaulation.
Try not to worry too much,hopefully they will give him some medication that will help him to feel less overwhelmed.
Can you visit him?

purpleflipflops · #16 06-07-2012, 09:06 AM

Thanks, but I worry with each passing day. No he's not allowed visits. He seemed so excited to get out and I'm really trying stay positive but when I dont hear anything, its really hard.

adamsrubberduck · #17 06-07-2012, 07:29 PM

purpleflipflops... I know that you are worried but if what I read was correct.... that your guy has been in seg for 7 years! He probably needs to be debrief so to speak. I can't image not being with other people for more than 20 hours a day for 7 years and I am not a people person. They probably want to try to get him ready for deal with people especially in a public setting. I would not look at this in a bad way.

I hope this is the reason but maybe he will write to tell you soon.