The one year mark /UPDATE: I dumped him

[chillpill247]

has made everything even more stressful. Not to mention lonelier. I want him home now. This is all taking a huge toll on our relationship.

[Prettylady29]

Originally Posted by chillpill247

has made everything even more stressful. Not to mention lonelier. I want him home now. This is all taking a huge toll on our relationship.

It is very stressful, but you will find a way to cope, I do not know how long you have left to wait, but you have already made it through the first year. For me the first few weeks and months were the worst ever, not to mention how his lies and everything else started catching up, but I chose to stay and forgive but the time will fly by and your man will be back.

[chillpill247]

I don't feel bad about it. I just feel guilty that I couldn't keep a relationship with him going through his entire bid. To be fair though I went into this thinking he was going to get his act together for our son and be honest with me and not get into trouble. He was good the first 9 months, but as soon as our son was born he started getting into trouble. Started doing shadey things. Stopped telling me stuff. Kept secrets and lied. It was too much stress on me to be worrying about him when I have to worry about myself and our son. I'm not a bad person for walking away because he didn't want to grow up am I? I'm still going to write him and let him see his son whenever he's allowed visiation again...hmm.

[Scotties_Girl21]

Your not a bad person at all. You recognized his behavior and ended it before it became worse. Now he really has a chance to step back and look at where this behavior is getting him and can hopefully get it together. Then when or if he does, you two will have a better chance at a healthy relationship. Kudos to you for not ignoring the red flags and recognizing something was wrong and choosing not to ignore it like some very well would have. I think you have the right mind set and are doing what's best for your son and yourself.

Every day brings me one day closer to you....<3

[blah8705]

I agree with Scottiesgirl, it was probably BEST that you ended it. You have your son to think about first and foremost, and he needs a responsible father who will be there to take care of him and not be selfish. Under those circumstances since he wasn't getting it together, you made a smart move. Also, instead of being petty and denying visits/calls/letters for your son, you're going about it the mature way still, so really kudos to you. I hope he is able to get it together soon considering he only has about 5 months left of his bid!

[chillpill247]

thank you. what you both said really put my mind at ease. i shouldnt feel guilty for his actions. ya know...he acts like a little boy and im not his mother. our son is the only one who gets the mommy treatment

[Scotties_Girl21]

Originally Posted by chillpill247

thank you. what you both said really put my mind at ease. i shouldnt feel guilty for his actions. ya know...he acts like a little boy and im not his mother. our son is the only one who gets the mommy treatment

Exactly! And I'm sure he will come around and realize what he's lost and fix it. Then later you will thank yourself for saving your relationship.
:goodluck:

Every day brings me one day closer to you....<3

[InmateLover67]

Originally Posted by chillpill247

I don't feel bad about it. I just feel guilty that I couldn't keep a relationship with him going through his entire bid. To be fair though I went into this thinking he was going to get his act together for our son and be honest with me and not get into trouble. He was good the first 9 months, but as soon as our son was born he started getting into trouble. Started doing shadey things. Stopped telling me stuff. Kept secrets and lied. It was too much stress on me to be worrying about him when I have to worry about myself and our son. I'm not a bad person for walking away because he didn't want to grow up am I? I'm still going to write him and let him see his son whenever he's allowed visiation again...hmm.

Hell no, you are not a bad person for walking away from someone that is NOT willing to grow the hell up. Never feel as though you are....you did the right thing for you and your Son.

I am concerned that you are still going to take his Son to see him, because he will try to weasel his way back in. Can't you just send him pictures and leave it at that, or are you wanting to go through the stress all over again?

I hope you are able to go visit and leave emotions out of it...that would not be something I would put myself through, but that is just me.

Peace~

[shaunna]

You put you and your son first which was the right decision. In order for a relationship to work it requires effort from both parties and if he wasn't willing to help himself change/grow for the better there's not much you can do.