Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

MnNice · #1 05-26-2012, 07:58 PM

So my boyfriend has a 8 year old son he has not seen, talked too, or even known where he was for 6 years. Well his mother found out my boyfriend was in prison via Google and found his mother via Facebook, his mother got pictures mailed too her and they talk I guess on Facebook, but the mother won't give anyone her address. She may give my boyfriend her number so he can talk too his son. I don't even know what to think, feel, or nothing right now. I'm so happy for him but at the same time scared she will up and leave with no contact for years again, hurting him. I just hope this goes good.! Every child needs their dad, and he wants to be there always has, but she just disappeared last time.
I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

hismess · #2 05-26-2012, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MnNice

So my boyfriend has a 8 year old son he has not seen, talked too, or even known where he was for 6 years. Well his mother found out my boyfriend was in prison via Google and found his mother via Facebook, his mother got pictures mailed too her and they talk I guess on Facebook, but the mother won't give anyone her address. She may give my boyfriend her number so he can talk too his son. I don't even know what to think, feel, or nothing right now. I'm so happy for him but at the same time scared she will up and leave with no contact for years again, hurting him. I just hope this goes good.! Every child needs their dad, and he wants to be there always has, but she just disappeared last time.
I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

Hopefully it will work out & he'll be able to see & have a relationship with his son. Keep us posted on it!

MnNice · #3 05-27-2012, 08:32 AM

Thank you!!

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

prettywings773 · #4 05-27-2012, 09:14 AM

well what was the circumstances that made her disappear? hopefully it has been resolved. since she reached out it is a good thing the fact that she won't give her address is interesting, she is probably slowly trying to feel the situation out.

MnNice · #5 05-27-2012, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prettywings773

well what was the circumstances that made her disappear? hopefully it has been resolved. since she reached out it is a good thing the fact that she won't give her address is interesting, she is probably slowly trying to feel the situation out.

The situation I am not to sure about, he says she was jealous he was with another women and after a talk they would never be together is when she left. She even left state apparently.

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Mrs.taylor2011 · #6 05-27-2012, 05:07 PM

wow,for her to just get up and leave without him being his child life is crazy!! hopefully she will be "here" to stay if not if i was your bf ill go into court matters to see my child..goodluck

prettywings773 · #7 05-27-2012, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MnNice

The situation I am not to sure about, he says she was jealous he was with another women and after a talk they would never be together is when she left. She even left state apparently.

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

wow.leaving the state for that reason is extreme.maybe she has matured and moved on and is now waving the white flag. hopefully things will work out.

Klewis · #8 05-27-2012, 05:44 PM

When it comes to people you just never know. Some fathers feel like they should be able to pop in and out of children's lives and when you do not allow it you are crazy and the b word. Some women have their plate full and they feel like it is a waste of time trying to make a way for a parent that obviously did not think of their child when they committed a crime that made it were the mom will have to go out the way to help the child and them bond. A lot of children just don't get the bonding in jail. Its boring to them and too much is going on and then once they leave they pretty much go back to living in their world.. Seeing them really not interested makes it were the mom is not interested especially if she is not in a relationship with the father. So I can understand her dropping out of the picture again. A lot of people might not agree but hey it is what it is. Life is hectic enough being a single parent why add more on your plate. If I was not with my Fiance' I would not be running up and down the highway taking his child to see him. I would do it here and there but if one of his family members couldn't take her I wouldn't be taking time out of my schedule to do it. Is the child old enough to stay in contact with his father himself?

missinmrreyna · #9 05-27-2012, 05:55 PM

That's too bad that the children are the ones who suffer the most. So yuu know his side of the story...I'm sure she's got hers and somewhere underneath it all lies the truth as to why the child was taken so far away. Has he ever contacted anyone regarding this matter?

Jootje · #10 05-28-2012, 12:38 AM

Let me start off by saying that I am not chosing sides and also do not know all the details (which I do not need to know of course

) but...there are always two sides to a story. So she left with the "never come back line" after their last conversation years ago but you do not know (I think) what was all said when they broke up so maybe it was not only her decision to leave and never have your bf in the childs life. But that is a guessing and assumption and that is also the past.

With that being said I think it may be a good idea to talk your boyfriend as for having the child, and so automatically somehow the childs mother, in your lifes. Ask him how he feels about it, how he wants to go about it. I am sure you will have nothing to worry about and that he, just like you, want to do what is best in the childs intrest and have boundaries set for the mother. (For example if he wants to calll the child to have a talk about school and so on, there is no need to be talking to the mother since the kid is 8 years old so he can do his own talking).

In the ideal world all the adults in the matter should be able to get along in a civil manner and treat the situation with respect. So lets hope all parties involved are willing to work along that way.

MnNice · #11 05-30-2012, 09:33 PM

Okay I need opinions or advice here. So my boyfriend talked to his son, twice. (which is amazing) and his family, mom and sister have too. Well apparently this mother ran away from family members thats why she disappeared 6 years ago. Well she tells the boy when he talks to my boyfriend and his family they are "family" he does not know that's his dad, grandma or aunt. They are just called family, she won't tell him. And she made a Facebook under a weird name and only has his family as friends, no location, nothing. She also uses a number and has the calls forwarded to her real phone, so they aren't even allowed to have her number. She is just acting so weird and I think she is going to up and disappear again. I mean really why can't she tell her son that the man he is talking to is his dad... I just had to get this off my chest. She is being weird if you ask me.

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bonnie_lee · #12 06-01-2012, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MnNice

So my boyfriend has a 8 year old son he has not seen, talked too, or even known where he was for 6 years. Well his mother found out my boyfriend was in prison via Google and found his mother via Facebook, his mother got pictures mailed too her and they talk I guess on Facebook, but the mother won't give anyone her address. She may give my boyfriend her number so he can talk too his son. I don't even know what to think, feel, or nothing right now. I'm so happy for him but at the same time scared she will up and leave with no contact for years again, hurting him. I just hope this goes good.! Every child needs their dad, and he wants to be there always has, but she just disappeared last time.
I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

I had this same problem crop up a few months ago, though it was before my husband when to prison. It's a difficult situation emotionally. A son does need his father, but that can become really tricky and tiring when his mother is unreliable and fickle. My husbands sons mom got ahold of him to try and get him and his son to reconnect, after keeping the boy away from him for years. I had my worries about it, especially considering that she cut off their contact before, and wasen't shy about the fact that she still had feelings for my husband. All I could do was give my advice, support, and love in it all. When it comes down to it, it's your mans decision on what he wants to do with what's happening. All I could do was be prepared to help him through whatever outcome would arise. Unfortunately, his sons mother did cut off contact again when her advances toward my husband were turned down. He still tries to send letters and to call his son. It really sucks that sometimes these women can act so selfishly when it comes to the relationship between their child and their father. All I can do is be there for him and let him know that it is not his fault. Just love your man and be there for him. That's the best you can do.

MnNice · #13 06-01-2012, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bonnie_lee

I had this same problem crop up a few months ago, though it was before my husband when to prison. It's a difficult situation emotionally. A son does need his father, but that can become really tricky and tiring when his mother is unreliable and fickle. My husbands sons mom got ahold of him to try and get him and his son to reconnect, after keeping the boy away from him for years. I had my worries about it, especially considering that she cut off their contact before, and wasen't shy about the fact that she still had feelings for my husband. All I could do was give my advice, support, and love in it all. When it comes down to it, it's your mans decision on what he wants to do with what's happening. All I could do was be prepared to help him through whatever outcome would arise. Unfortunately, his sons mother did cut off contact again when her advances toward my husband were turned down. He still tries to send letters and to call his son. It really sucks that sometimes these women can act so selfishly when it comes to the relationship between their child and their father. All I can do is be there for him and let him know that it is not his fault. Just love your man and be there for him. That's the best you can do.

Thank you. That is all true and real advice. I am also sorry she up and left again, that has to hurt so so bad. I just don't understand some women (and men). I'm here to listen to him, support him, and love him, him and I had a wonderful talk the other day too. Once again, thank you!

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

Mrs.taylor2011 · #14 06-01-2012, 08:31 AM

i wonder whats up with her?? is she hiding from somebody or something?? i just think its weird shes trying to hide herself .. hopefully yall get some answers soon..she needs to stop dragging that child out of town too & just settle in one place..i hope she lets her son & his father get to know each other better! watever shes going through she cant drag that child in the mess.

mrs.beautifly1 · #15 06-01-2012, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MnNice

So my boyfriend has a 8 year old son he has not seen, talked too, or even known where he was for 6 years. Well his mother found out my boyfriend was in prison via Google and found his mother via Facebook, his mother got pictures mailed too her and they talk I guess on Facebook, but the mother won't give anyone her address. She may give my boyfriend her number so he can talk too his son. I don't even know what to think, feel, or nothing right now. I'm so happy for him but at the same time scared she will up and leave with no contact for years again, hurting him. I just hope this goes good.! Every child needs their dad, and he wants to be there always has, but she just disappeared last time.
I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

im kinda in the same situation with my man. when he first got looked up in 2003 his bbymama was being shady to him n his mom so he told her to leave . but jux to let his mom see his lil grl. well him and his mom didnt see or hear from them since last yr in oct . his daughter is now 12yrs old and i guess she was wondering where her dad was so some how they got in contact with him. i was a lil scared that his bbymama wud start stuff n wanna get back with him or use their daughter . but he was prefectly clear he was done with her . its jux his lil grl he wants in his life. and ur right abt feeling sad cus wud if she leaves again n not lettin their son in his life. thats jux a chance he has to take . hopefully she is mature abt not doing that again cus the only person hurting is the child..i pray everything works out

**shaunna** · #16 06-01-2012, 04:32 PM

I think it's really sad to do that to a child

It definately sounds suspiscious though about not letting anyone have her real number.. As for calling his dad/grandma/aunt 'family' and not actually labelling them from what they are it's like she doesn't want the child to connect to them on that level as if she wouldn't want the child to get hurt/miss them as much if they left again?

What a confusing situation... Hope it works out for the best

Ms. Tazzie · #17 06-01-2012, 05:05 PM

Definitely games being played here,, my nephew has a bm that took him (the baby) away early in his life,, she lied about his name (she said its Anthony,, turns out to be Jason),, she said he was still born,, she lied about having other children,, fast forward to 2 weeks ago,, the boy is now 13,, she had the gall to ask my nephew for $100.00 for the boy's 8th grade graduation luncheon,, he didn't have it,, he called me... Sure,, tell her to call me and I'll give it to her(nephew lives in Arizona,, bm lives here in Chicago with me). She (bm) called me to pick up the money,, she wouldn't let me (the great-aunt) talk to him,, or she wouldn't bring him to come get the money,,, Now, I was born AT night NOT LAST NIGHT,, so I'm not stupid. I told her that her game was weak as hell cause she got that boy thinking somebody else is his Daddy,,and the next dime OR time she get is going to go to DNA..
Why would she tell the baby that the gma,aunt, and others are "just family". She on some mess,, Game recognize Game...

InmateLover67 · #18 06-01-2012, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MnNice

So my boyfriend has a 8 year old son he has not seen, talked too, or even known where he was for 6 years. Well his mother found out my boyfriend was in prison via Google and found his mother via Facebook, his mother got pictures mailed too her and they talk I guess on Facebook, but the mother won't give anyone her address. She may give my boyfriend her number so he can talk too his son. I don't even know what to think, feel, or nothing right now. I'm so happy for him but at the same time scared she will up and leave with no contact for years again, hurting him. I just hope this goes good.! Every child needs their dad, and he wants to be there always has, but she just disappeared last time.
I just needed to get this off my chest.

Sent from my HTC Wildfire S using PrisonTalk

Hopefully, if/when she gets a hold of him, she will follow through on letting him see and have a relationship with his Son.

When there is a break-up and a child is involved it seems as though there can be a lot of issues with back and forth parenting. This is not the case for everyone, but many do experience this, for whatever reason.

There is always a chance that she could end up doing the same thing again, but hopefully the child is old enough to understand that if Mom pulls this stunt again, it will not be a reflection on him, but rather the Mom.

If it does happen again, once the child gets to where he can make his own decisions, he will make his own connection with his Dad, which does not include the Mom.

I hope it all works!

Peace~

MnNice · #19 06-01-2012, 05:46 PM

After talking to my boyfriends mom last night for a few hours, the first message that she sent his mother was asking if she had any baby pictures of their son because "she lost hers". His mother said yes, gimme a few days to look for them. Well they talked to the son a few times, and after his mother said giver her some time to find them, the sons mother has not made an attempt for any further contact.
So my boyfriends mother was thinking she plans on getting the pictures and disappearing again. Nothing makes sense at all - there are a lot of holes in her stories.

And thank you everyone for your input, advice, and your own stories.

This was a very stressful situation at first, for everyone. Still sort of is, not as bad.

You all are amazing here!!