Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

RubyRed77 · #1 06-24-2012, 11:44 PM

It's been 5 wonderful months, however the last 2 days have been HELL. We exchanged a few angry words on Friday via email. I'm not perfect and have this needy-ness/insecurities and sometimes he understands and sometimes I know he gets irritable with me. Well Friday was a day where he was irritable and flew off on an email, I responded to it and haven't heard back.
He's been locked up for 9 years, comes home next year. Anyways, sorry for rambling...I haven't heard from him since Friday night. Im real big on communicating, and I like to address issues immediately, he on the other hand seems very very stubborn and hard headed, Im assuming from being down for so long, he can't express himself "normally"? IDK.

I've emailed him since Saturday, letting him know that we can get thru this, we had a communication breakdown & lets stop doing this to one another and squash this foolish "fight".

Haven't received a response and Im crumbling inside. Why he shuts down is so frustrating. He's told me he'd never hurt me, disrespect me, be honest, be loyal.

Why do I let him control my heart? I hate the feeling of hanging onto the "what if's", what if he doesn't want to talk to me, what if this is all done, what if, what if, what if. WHAT IF I NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN? That's my biggest worry.

Never thought he would completely shut me out. My trust for him is broken or should it be? I talked to his sister today, she said, "he's very stubborn and wants things his way, but Im sure he'll call."

Does this attitude stem from being in prison for so long? I've never been with anyone in prison so Im lost on what to think.

Thank you all for listening, just need some advice. I've done what I can on my end, emailed him how I feel and some, I obviously don't have any other options, not even sure if he's reading them.

So so so confused....I just wish I could talk to him...

I love me some him..

hisbabygurl2014 · #2 06-24-2012, 11:53 PM

I am not sure to why you guys are actually fighting there might something more deep that you may know or not. But i will tell you one thing is that: Since you sent him a letter on saturday, wait for it it untill he respones. Since he is the one that flew off the handle, let him explain to you. You worrying about what ifs and letting him have control of your heart tells me that you need to step away from that and let him for once figure out the actions he does are not ok with you. Train him now, or he will keep treating you like that.

RubyRed77 · #3 06-25-2012, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hisbabygurl2014

I am not sure to why you guys are actually fighting there might something more deep that you may know or not. But i will tell you one thing is that: Since you sent him a letter on saturday, wait for it it untill he respones. Since he is the one that flew off the handle, let him explain to you. You worrying about what ifs and letting him have control of your heart tells me that you need to step away from that and let him for once figure out the actions he does are not ok with you. Train him now, or he will keep treating you like that.

Step back is exactly what I need to do, giving up is not in my nature but I have to take a step back, for my own sanity. I didn't write a letter, I emailed him, a few times. So he's got the emails, not sure if he's checking them or not because no response...

Thank you so much for responding. Sometimes we need to hear from others to look at the bigger picture. *huge siiiigh*

I love me some him..

DP's Girl · #4 06-25-2012, 12:18 AM

I'm sorry you're hurt but the truth is this is not about him it's about you. Your neediness and insecurity is going to make it very hard to have a successful relationship. It would help if you address those things for yourself as well as your relationship. Being in a relationship with a needy person is exhausting and I speak from experience. Give him some space and then try to talk to him about what happened and how both of you can handle it better next time. Stop panicking if one argument is enough to end it there was no substance to begin with. Hopefully you'll hear from him soon and you two can work this out.

hisbabygurl2014 · #5 06-25-2012, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyRed77

Step back is exactly what I need to do, giving up is not in my nature but I have to take a step back, for my own sanity. I didn't write a letter, I emailed him, a few times. So he's got the emails, not sure if he's checking them or not because no response...

Thank you so much for responding. Sometimes we need to hear from others to look at the bigger picture. *huge siiiigh*

I love me some him..

I understand your feelings because i was in your foot once. Since u emailed it to him, i am pretty he got so dont send him anymore. let him wonder the what ifs, seriously! You are free and can do whatever you want and chose to be with him, if he left you he would be in the same place you found him at, BUT if you left him all types of doors open for you...just take that into consideration. Dont let him have power over you , sweety.

And no problem, anytime

RubyRed77 · #6 06-25-2012, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP's Girl

I'm sorry you're hurt but the truth is this is not about him it's about you. Your neediness and insecurity is going to make it very hard to have a successful relationship. It would help if you address those things for yourself as well as your relationship. Being in a relationship with a needy person is exhausting and I speak from experience. Give him some space and then try to talk to him about what happened and how both of you can handle it better next time. Stop panicking if one argument is enough to end it there was no substance to begin with. Hopefully you'll hear from him soon and you two can work this out.

Thank you! I agree this is about me, and it hurts that I screwed it up. However, just as you said, if one argument is enough to end it, there was no substance to begin with. Very encouraging words.

RubyRed77 · #7 06-25-2012, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hisbabygurl2014

I understand your feelings because i was in your foot once. Since u emailed it to him, i am pretty he got so dont send him anymore. let him wonder the what ifs, seriously! You are free and can do whatever you want and chose to be with him, if he left you he would be in the same place you found him at, BUT if you left him all types of doors open for you...just take that into consideration. Dont let him have power over you , sweety.

And no problem, anytime

No more emails, I promise that. Really appreciate your input. Just what I needed. I was debating to post or not because I feel embarrassed about this fight and it being me...

missinmrreyna · #8 06-25-2012, 12:32 AM

Since he promised yuu he would not disrespect yuu or hurt yuu...maybe he just needs some time to himself so he doesn't say something he will regret.

RubyRed77 · #9 06-25-2012, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missinmrreyna

Since he promised yuu he would not disrespect yuu or hurt yuu...maybe he just needs some time to himself so he doesn't say something he will regret.

Yes that's true, I've thought about everything...
hope I hear from him, if not, there's nothing I can do than I've already done.

Thanks girl

mallafri · #10 06-25-2012, 05:10 AM

I guess we all expect different things in a relationship but for me, if you love someone, you don't shut them out for days and just ignore their messages. I think you need to think this relationship through, is this how you want to be treated, being ignored and disrespected, always having it his way like his sister said?! It doesn't matter that he's been in prison for a long time, that's no excuse for his behaviour, I think this is what he's like, you're seeing the real him.... You need to decide if you're ok with being with a man that behaves like that or not and if you do, I wouldn't write him again, just give him some space and let him write you.

RubyRed77 · #11 06-25-2012, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mallafri

I guess we all expect different things in a relationship but for me, if you love someone, you don't shut them out for days and just ignore their messages. I think you need to think this relationship through, is this how you want to be treated, being ignored and disrespected, always having it his way like his sister said?! It doesn't matter that he's been in prison for a long time, that's no excuse for his behaviour, I think this is what he's like, you're seeing the real him.... You need to decide if you're ok with being with a man that behaves like that or not and if you do, I wouldn't write him again, just give him some space and let him write you.

That's exactly how I feel, you don't just ignore them and shut out the one who loves you. I wouldn't think of doing that to him. This is his true colors, over something so minor, give me a break. Day # 3 of nothing, now Im mad and hurt and so many other things but I will not email him or contact him.
I want to cry & scream & hide in a hole BUT I can't let him do that to me. What's hard is I keep reading his emails from hours/days before and he's so loving and promising, so this is tugging at my heart in so many ways! I just need to keep it movin..

Thank you, Mallafri!

Sheryl P. · #12 06-25-2012, 10:07 AM

It may be that he was already on edge about something going on at the prison and the added stress caused a melt down.
Are you sure he is not in Ad Seg.or on lock-down?
His time is gtting shorter and some guys get pretty anxious as their time winds down.
I would not jump to any conclusions just yet.

RubyRed77 · #13 06-25-2012, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheryl P.

It may be that he was already on edge about something going on at the prison and the added stress caused a melt down.
Are you sure he is not in Ad Seg.or on lock-down?
His time is gtting shorter and some guys get pretty anxious as their time winds down.
I would not jump to any conclusions just yet.

I know he's been on edge and stressed lately, he was just moved to a drug treatment program unit within the prison and its been a hole different environment for him, he was in his last unit for years. I know that's been hard for him, as he's expressed to me.

Im pretty sure there's no lockdown cause I've been checking the FCI Beaumont forum and nothing. How would I find out if he's in Ad Seg? I don't want to bother his sister and ask if he's called her, if I hear nothing today I may text her tomorrow to see if he's called.

Cause if he's called home then I will for sure know this is all intentional.

Thanks Sheryl...

Jootje · #14 06-25-2012, 11:10 AM

I do hope he gets in touch with you soon but I would have a talk with him though on how to go about issues when they may happen in the future. He must understand that you are not able to contact him so he more or less has the power, so to speak, and if he could just imagine how it is at your side to feel ignored especially after an argument. Both of you have got to learn to take a deep breath, maybe even spend a night to let things rest but no longer than that. It takes two to tango so just as you need to deal with your insecuraties to no longer let that stand in the way of the both of you, he needs to learn he can not just cut you off for days just because he is upset an issue over the phone.
As moderator Patty always says "communication is the key to any succesfull relationship" but that can only happen if there is actual communication so the both of you need to find a way to meet each other halfway when things are not going as the both of you wished they were going.

krc1abc1 · #15 06-25-2012, 11:17 AM

It is possible that due to circumstances at the prison he hasn't been able to email you. Give it a little time. Then email again.

RubyRed77 · #16 06-25-2012, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jootje

I do hope he gets in touch with you soon but I would have a talk with him though on how to go about issues when they may happen in the future. He must understand that you are not able to contact him so he more or less has the power, so to speak, and if he could just imagine how it is at your side to feel ignored especially after an argument. Both of you have got to learn to take a deep breath, maybe even spend a night to let things rest but no longer than that. It takes two to tango so just as you need to deal with your insecuraties to no longer let that stand in the way of the both of you, he needs to learn he can not just cut you off for days just because he is upset an issue over the phone.
As moderator Patty always says "communication is the key to any succesfull relationship" but that can only happen if there is actual communication so the both of you need to find a way to meet each other halfway when things are not going as the both of you wished they were going.

I agree so much, if he would only contact me so I can express what he's doing to me is not fair! Im big on communicating, but that only works if he would do that too.

I would understand a day/night, but today marks day 3 (who's counting), that's just MEAN.

RubyRed77 · #17 06-25-2012, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krc1abc1

It is possible that due to circumstances at the prison he hasn't been able to email you. Give it a little time. Then email again.

How much time do I give him? This is just crazy. He can call too, he called his sister Saturday afternoon. Thanks for hearing me out. No one knows about us, family/friends, etc. And its too soon talk too much about all my emotions to his sister. She knows Im hurt and told me that she would let me know if she hear's from him.

Red_Honeyy · #18 06-25-2012, 12:03 PM

Sorry to hear about your dilemma RubyRed I know its hard when you don't have that communication. However I would like to point out that you said you have this thing insecure such as neediness Ruby you have to work on that because you have to be tough & strong when dealing as an MWI couple not even just MWI just dealing with somebody incarcerated in general. I do think you should give it some time do something for yourself to get your mind off it before you drive yourself crazy, and just as sure as you know it you will hear something from him. (because its evident hes alright if he talked to his sister) When you do hear from him it will be up to you to keep and an open mind to hear what he has to say, work on it and move on or let it go! Best of luck girl

RubyRed77 · #19 06-25-2012, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red_Honeyy

Sorry to hear about your dilemma RubyRed I know its hard when you don't have that communication. However I would like to point out that you said you have this thing insecure such as neediness Ruby you have to work on that because you have to be tough & strong when dealing as an MWI couple not even just MWI just dealing with somebody incarcerated in general. I do think you should give it some time do something for yourself to get your mind off it before you drive yourself crazy, and just as sure as you know it you will hear something from him. (because its evident hes alright if he talked to his sister) When you do hear from him it will be up to you to keep and an open mind to hear what he has to say, work on it and move on or let it go! Best of luck girl

I had no idea how tough & strong you have to be...its definitely been a emotional rollercoaster.
He's alright, I know in my heart he's just shutting me out and shutting down. I just can't wrap the thought of him never responding again, but then again it hasn't been forever.

I'll take care of me, I have no choice.

Thanks Honey xx

InmateLover67 · #20 06-25-2012, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyRed77

It's been 5 wonderful months, however the last 2 days have been HELL. We exchanged a few angry words on Friday via email. I'm not perfect and have this needy-ness/insecurities and sometimes he understands and sometimes I know he gets irritable with me. Well Friday was a day where he was irritable and flew off on an email, I responded to it and haven't heard back.
He's been locked up for 9 years, comes home next year. Anyways, sorry for rambling...I haven't heard from him since Friday night. Im real big on communicating, and I like to address issues immediately, he on the other hand seems very very stubborn and hard headed, Im assuming from being down for so long, he can't express himself "normally"? IDK.

I've emailed him since Saturday, letting him know that we can get thru this, we had a communication breakdown & lets stop doing this to one another and squash this foolish "fight".

Haven't received a response and Im crumbling inside. Why he shuts down is so frustrating. He's told me he'd never hurt me, disrespect me, be honest, be loyal.

Why do I let him control my heart? I hate the feeling of hanging onto the "what if's", what if he doesn't want to talk to me, what if this is all done, what if, what if, what if. WHAT IF I NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN? That's my biggest worry.

Never thought he would completely shut me out. My trust for him is broken or should it be? I talked to his sister today, she said, "he's very stubborn and wants things his way, but Im sure he'll call."

Does this attitude stem from being in prison for so long? I've never been with anyone in prison so Im lost on what to think.

Thank you all for listening, just need some advice. I've done what I can on my end, emailed him how I feel and some, I obviously don't have any other options, not even sure if he's reading them.

So so so confused....I just wish I could talk to him...

I love me some him..

Maybe he is trying to digest the "angry words" that were exchanged? I would give him a chance to think about things, and you need to do the same and find out what "broke down" and try not to have it happen again.

The what if's will kill you, so go on about your business and learn a lesson from this situation. Do not consume yourself with this guy or situation. If he really cares that much for you, he will get in contact with you. Until then, leave it be.

I suggest looking into the book Seperated By Prison, United By Conviction. It has some really great questions that couples can work on together.....And since you two are MWI, all the better to look into it, that way you can get to know each other even better.

Good luck!

Peace~

RubyRed77 · #21 06-25-2012, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InmateLover67

Maybe he is trying to digest the "angry words" that were exchanged? I would give him a chance to think about things, and you need to do the same and find out what "broke down" and try not to have it happen again.

The what if's will kill you, so go on about your business and learn a lesson from this situation. Do not consume yourself with this guy or situation. If he really cares that much for you, he will get in contact with you. Until then, leave it be.

I suggest looking into the book Seperated By Prison, United By Conviction. It has some really great questions that couples can work on together.....And since you two are MWI, all the better to look into it, that way you can get to know each other even better.

Good luck!

Peace~

The more I look at the exchanged emails, they actually weren't angry. I was questioning why he hadn't replied to an email from the evening before that had to do with flight info and a call from him. He then replied with, "why are you tripping I emailed you twice today!! Quit being so insecure!!"
I then replied with, "damn, I was asking about why you hadn't replied to an email not counting how many emails you send me thru out the day, if I came off as insecure to you that's too bad, its not about that."

Then I sent my usual good night and apologized for the communication break down, lets talk.

Nothing from him since Friday.

Thank you for your suggestion about the book, I'll definitely read that.

I am consuming myself with him, I have to stop this. It's not OK.

Thanks InmateLover..

mallafri · #22 06-25-2012, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyRed77

That's exactly how I feel, you don't just ignore them and shut out the one who loves you. I wouldn't think of doing that to him. This is his true colors, over something so minor, give me a break. Day # 3 of nothing, now Im mad and hurt and so many other things but I will not email him or contact him.
I want to cry & scream & hide in a hole BUT I can't let him do that to me. What's hard is I keep reading his emails from hours/days before and he's so loving and promising, so this is tugging at my heart in so many ways! I just need to keep it movin..

Thank you, Mallafri!

That's good, just stay strong girl and don't write him! I know it's easier said then done when you love someone but try doing things to keep your mind off him. You said he called his sister Saturday, so he has access to phone and stuff, he's probably just being stubborn like his sister said. When he does finally contact you, and I'm sure he will, have a long talk to him about his behaviour and how it's not acceptable.

Rachel C · #23 06-25-2012, 01:27 PM

Sorry Ruby...hopefully by now he's called or sent you an email? I can say that I know where you're coming from in some aspects. I'm insecure as well, it's from past relationships. As hard as it is I would say that you need to give him time as well. You might have accidentally bruised his ego or hes trying to punish you a few days without calling or emailing. Can he call you? The email system might be down where he is located for whatever reason. Damn my man is sitting in a cell without any water for the past week so you know they don't get in any hurry to fix things. They don't waste there time trying to make the inmates life any better and they sure as hell don't care about the inmates loved ones either. Don't jump to conclusions just yet. He might not have any money on his books as well, doesn't it cost .25 cents for each email? I'm sure you will hear from him soon, keep that chin up girly!!!

RubyRed77 · #24 06-25-2012, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rachel C

Sorry Ruby...hopefully by now he's called or sent you an email? I can say that I know where you're coming from in some aspects. I'm insecure as well, it's from past relationships. As hard as it is I would say that you need to give him time as well. You might have accidentally bruised his ego or hes trying to punish you a few days without calling or emailing. Can he call you? The email system might be down where he is located for whatever reason. Damn my man is sitting in a cell without any water for the past week so you know they don't get in any hurry to fix things. They don't waste there time trying to make the inmates life any better and they sure as hell don't care about the inmates loved ones either. Don't jump to conclusions just yet. He might not have any money on his books as well, doesn't it cost .25 cents for each email? I'm sure you will hear from him soon, keep that chin up girly!!!

No, nothing yet.

Thank you for understanding, yes absolutely from my past relationship stems my insecurities.

His family sends him $$$ very often, I know he has money on email and for phone.

Its hard, so hard to not hear from him and to believe that he would do this. Frustrating in all aspects. I guess its better to figure this all out after 5 months instead of 5 years. I do think I bruised his ego maybe, damn Aries. I also said in my email on Friday, "you're in prison, how insecure can I be with how many emails you send?"

Maybe he's punishing me by not emailing to show me I DO need/want his emails. Ugghhh!!!!!! On Saturday I got an amazing letter and pictures of his family. I emailed him as soon as I got it and confessed my love and appreciation for the letter as well as "Im sorry, lets stop the nonsense, call me."

Sh!t, there's only so much I can do...

I'm keeping my chin up as best as I can...

So sorry to hear about your man, that's just cruel!! But it's the system for you..

Thanks for the support.

ahora2012 · #25 06-25-2012, 04:49 PM

you need to focus on something else - sitting and waitng for that response is going to drive you crazy. thats what the silent treatment does - its very cruel to do that to someone - anyone - the silent treatment is a form of control. i would address that when you talk to him. yes he may need a minute to think or digest or cool off or whatever - but there is no reason why he cnat say ' ill email soon just need a minute. ' thats my opinion. its really disrepsectful. but you can decide what you will put up with and how you want to be treated - ESPECIALLY during a fight or disagreement. thats the test of a mans character. not when everything is smooth.