He ended it because I lied to him

[Eternal Sunshine]

Seeyou, go on and pay the $150 filing fee for the divorce and be rid of this fool. I agree with others about you standing up for yourself. If you don't stand up for you, then who will? You blaming yourself needs to stop. This man is looking for a way out and using this reason as an excuse. Give him his way out. Get the divorce and get on with the life that is waiting for you. A life that doesn't include this nonsense with this person.

[juss me6]

There is nothing wrong with having pen pals or male friends obviously that pen pal took it the wrong way in that letter. That's it. She should not be scolded for writing other inmates who have no one writing to them. This isn't about them. Its about her ungrateful husband. Please don't try to bring down the posters character when u apparently have no clue.

[KrisHowse12]

I am in no way trying to bring dwn her character. And the comment "you have no clue", I could only get the clues by reading things she has posted this month. Crying over another man not writing her back, and being afraid he left her, etc. also, her saying he asked if she would consider marrying him, and her replying she had things to work out first. I am also engaged to my love who is in prison.. And I'm sure if "I" were doing that, he would leave me. There seemed to be more to it than just "writing an inmate". So.. That is what I was trying to say. And also I said "maybe you aren't happy and I pray you find the happiness YOU deserve". I wasn't trying to be ugly, and I apologize if it seemed that way. I guess I just take that kinda thing seriously and believe in loyalty and being real.

[seeyouin10]

Originally Posted by KrisHowse12

I am in no way trying to bring dwn her character. And the comment "you have no clue", I could only get the clues by reading things she has posted this month. Crying over another man not writing her back, and being afraid he left her, etc. also, her saying he asked if she would consider marrying him, and her replying she had things to work out first. I am also engaged to my love who is in prison.. And I'm sure if "I" were doing that, he would leave me. There seemed to be more to it than just "writing an inmate". So.. That is what I was trying to say. And also I said "maybe you aren't happy and I pray you find the happiness YOU deserve". I wasn't trying to be ugly, and I apologize if it seemed that way. I guess I just take that kinda thing seriously and believe in loyalty and being real.

Yes I do take offense to your post(s) because you are making assumptions based on posts about some "pen pal" I have. The "pen pal" I was "crying over" as you put it is a friend of mine I have known for years and years; someone my husband knew about before we married. He is the friend that was there for me when I was so screwed up from witnessing people jumping from the World Trade Center and saw them fall to the ground and be annihilated on impact and narrowly escaped with my own life. So yeah, we're kinda tight. I reconnected with him a few months ago after losing track of him when he got lost in drugs and alcohol and wrote him a letter of support WITH my husband's knowledge. There was nothing shady or underhanded going on there and certainly nothing was hidden from him. When my friend, unbeknownst to me, went to the hole, my husband was the first person I talked to about being upset about just suddenly not hearing from him one day. He was also the person who told me he probably had gone to the hole, been transferred or a whole host of other things that could have happened to warrant him not writing.

Yes my friend asked me if I would consider marrying him IF I wasn't already married. My husband has been spiraling downward into trying to control when I eat (right down to the time of day), how much I eat, how much money I spend and what my monthly bills are for months and months LONG before I even started writing my friend. You think I don't have "things to work out" based on that?? Would I marry him if I wasn't already married? Who knows and who cares? It's not something I think about because I AM married at least for the time being. Do I still write him? Hell yes I do. His family abandoned him and he has not seen or spoken to much of anyone in the 3.5 years he has been down. I'm not going to abandon him especially when he isn't even a factor in any of this. For those posters trying to make this about "the other man" or some deep, dark secret in my life, it has nothing to do with any of that. This is about my husband's longstanding control freak behavior and now his off-the-rails attitude about something out of my control that I chose not to tell him as to not hear his bullshit about it.

As for loyalty to him? I lost two children to miscarriage over a six month period, one of which I carried for five months before I lost him about three months after J went to prison. That damn near killed me and I had to listen to his family run their collective mouth about how it was a good thing I lost the baby because I would not have been a good mother. I have solely provided for him since we got married and since he's been in prison with no help from anyone related to him. I paid the tens of thousands in legal bills myself, I cried my heart out when he was jumped from behind, I fought to get him moved to a better dorm after that happened, I have written him every day, I have made sure he had magazines and books and all the creature comforts he could have in there. No one else did that. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has told him how great of a wife he has and how lucky he is. Most of those guys get nothing from anyone. He has never gone without and that's my fault for making him comfortable like that. He stopped saying "thank you" and started expecting it. I fault myself for that. He will get his divorce and I will learn my lesson.

I hope that gives you a better-rounded view of my life should you care to read about it. I stood by him when no one else did and everyone else called him a monster and plastered his face all over the newspaper and TV, and if that's not loyalty and unconditional love, I don't know what is.

[nimuay]

Seeyou - thank you for finally standing up for yourself! Now, do that to your husband!!!

[amazggrace]

Seeyou...I am sorry you are having to bring people up to speed who have no idea who your are or the past of this situation. It is like digging in the trash. You don't owe anyone anything. You have enough on your plate and now having to rehash it all just isn't fair. tick tock

[Kevinsprncss]

Seeyou, I'm going to ask you one question REALLY?!?!?!? To divorce you over something as stupid as omitting minor details about his attorney walking out on him so you got a new one, AND PAID FOR IT!!

Sounds to me like he's a controlling jacka** and I know you said you're the one that's gonna have to pay for the divorce, I think that really stinks for you and I'm sorry, but if it were me, sure, I'd pay for it but I wouldn't give him a dang thing out of any marital assets you two might have.

Honestly, if I had a dime for everytime I omitted little details out of conversations with my man, I'd have paid the most expensive lawyer I could find and HE'D BE HOME!

You will be better off without him. Get his name off your 401k and then hand him the divorce and tell him to P*SS OFF!!!

[lmlindsey]

Seeyou-So glad you made a response...Sad you had to but I must admit I was at several times wanting to write on here you people you have no clue what is going on.Stop trying to solve some mystery that doesn't exist!

You are a very strong individual and since I have only been on here since January I really didn't know how much you actually went through. Sorry I don't look through every post so I really did not know. You have had the strength to make it through all that you mentioned in your latest post and you will have the strength for this too.

I am all for happy endings. I really hope he gets his sh*t straight and that you both don't have to become a statistic. It is his loss though if a divorce happens. You need to take care of YOU now. You really need it and most of all...DESERVE it!

[juss me6]

Originally Posted by lmlindsey

Seeyou-So glad you made a response...Sad you had to but I must admit I was at several times wanting to write on here you people you have no clue what is going on.Stop trying to solve some mystery that doesn't exist!

You are a very strong individual and since I have only been on here since January I really didn't know how much you actually went through. Sorry I don't look through every post so I really did not know. You have had the strength to make it through all that you mentioned in your latest post and you will have the strength for this too.

I am all for happy endings. I really hope he gets his sh*t straight and that you both don't have to become a statistic. It is his loss though if a divorce happens. You need to take care of YOU now. You really need it and most of all...DESERVE it!

Exactly lindsey. That's why she originally posted it in laso. Because for the most we have all saw her latest posts. I'm sure he will get his head up out his arse but I believe she still needs to be firm n stand her ground with him. She's been through so much =(

[canadiangirl098]

sounds to me from what you just said he is really controlling and you did alot for this guy...before getting a divorce i would make sure you get that inheritance put back in your name only there is a possibility he could fight that though if he is as much of an idiot that he sounds like..then once you get that done then start the divorce

[pisces317]

Originally Posted by seeyouin10

Our journey officially came to an end today. J's attorney went to see him today to counsel him on the civil lawsuit deposition he had to give a statement for and J decided to end things with me. There is a lot behind his decision and I just have to respect it. The fault is squarely on me because I was less than 100% honest with him about something and that ultimately made his decision for him. Long story short with that, his original attorney was fired by her firm, the second attorney I hired backed out a couple of months ago and then I had to hire someone else. I never told J his second attorney backed out and of course that was totally dishonest of me even though I had already hired another attorney. He was putting so much pressure on me to perform miracles for him I snapped and couldn't even be honest with him about something so stupid. That really doesn't matter because I was dishonest regardless. I deserve to get dumped over that and I am. I think he's making the right decision because I don't deserve him. I tried to be all things to him, but ultimately I failed in the fundamental honesty category.

I have no doubt he will try to stick it to me however he can out of hatred and disdain for me. At the end of the day, I deserve whatever I get from him in return for my dishonesty with him. I panicked and didn't know what to do and it ultimately ruined my marriage.

I just want to wish all of you the best of everything with your individual situations. I will pop in every now and then to offer support to all of you as I know how hard it is to go through this situation. I wish I could say prison is the reason we are splitting, but the truth is it's my fault. If I could have been honest with my spouse, I wouldn't be going through the pain I am now. I just know right now what an awful person I really am. J really does deserve better....and I hope he finds it.

stop blaming yourself for being supportive and finding another lawyer and woow not telling him,j sounds like he's not being honest with you and expects all this honesty,honey,sweetie you've done nothing major you withheld info but you got him someone just as good and he's mad he's lucky to him you this guy sounds like he doesnt know appreciation does he know how much these lawyers charge to represent these guys,your so better off not having a j in your life

[COMPLETElyhis]

Not being funny but WHYYYYYYYYY would anyone spend thousands of dollars in attorneys fees but yet you don't have minutes on your phone???



Peace and blessings...

[HardHeadedWoman]

because she spent the phone money on the attorney? Im assuming she has a active phone just not the money for the account she pays prison calls. the man should be appreciative she even got a lawyer to cover the one that bailed. I have low tolerance for ungrateful bullshit and would quickly travel the highroad, stopping along the way for a much deserved mani/pedi and let him figure out his own legal mess. I understand for better or worse but to date I have never heard anyones vows saying "I will cater to your every whim and tantrum"!

[adamsrubberduck]

Seeyou.... You are way too hard on yourself about this issue. Stop and take a breath. He will process the situation and you two will probably have a few words over it and then move forward with your marriage if you want to.

As far as I am concerned your biggest mistake was failure to communicate. We can avoid problems if we just talk. PTO has taught me a lot about talking things out.

Calm down and allow him to do the same and then talk.

[Sneakypooh]

I dont understand why you're blaming yourself and putting yourself down....you should have more confidence within yourself. True, you were not 100% honest with him BUT if you ask me, that was a very stupid reason to DIVORCE. Damn, he could at least be mad and not call you for a couple of days but getting a damn DIVORCE is ridiculous IMO. If hes willing to end his marriage over that then you should be second guessing him. If he wasnt in jail then you guys wouldnt be going through that anyway.....thats what I would be telling him. Girl, pick yourself up and keep it pushing. I know thats your husband but forget what hes talking about.

[MissingMyDaniel]

I'm not going to say that you deserve better or that you are stronger than what you give yourself credit because these are things you will need to learn on your own. Just know that from the trials you have faced by being with your husband, you have built up one heck of a great character. After putting up with your husband's tyranical rule you are now a woman of patience, strength and moral fortitude that surpasses most. So, when the pain subsides and you've healed your heart, put on your superwoman cape and go find your superman! I know that the 8 years of hell I spent with my ex made me into the woman I am today. The woman my soul mate met and fell in love with. May peace and happiness be with you always.

[jonlash]

Originally Posted by KrisHowse12

I am in no way trying to bring dwn her character. And the comment "you have no clue", I could only get the clues by reading things she has posted this month. Crying over another man not writing her back, and being afraid he left her, etc. also, her saying he asked if she would consider marrying him, and her replying she had things to work out first. I am also engaged to my love who is in prison.. And I'm sure if "I" were doing that, he would leave me. There seemed to be more to it than just "writing an inmate". So.. That is what I was trying to say. And also I said "maybe you aren't happy and I pray you find the happiness YOU deserve". I wasn't trying to be ugly, and I apologize if it seemed that way. I guess I just take that kinda thing seriously and believe in loyalty and being real.

Right. I read that thread too and there is no way those were just platonic sentiments. Please. What kind of fools to you think we are? I just don't get it.

Originally Posted by seeyouin10

Recently, he told me he is in love with me. We decided to table the issue because there are some things I need to work out FAR before anything like that is discussed.
(Snip)

I find myself completely heartsick. As a matter of fact, tears are forming right now as I type this. I miss him so much. I wrote him 2-3 emails Monday with no response through tonight. To pour salt into the already wide-open wound, I got a letter from him that he mailed late last week with 15 questions including one that asked me if I would consider getting married while he is in prison.

I can't imagine what could have changed between Sunday and Tuesday night. Having been around this block with someone else for a year, I know anything can happen at any time, but I can't find any info on Lee being locked down or anything like that.

(snip)
I had written a few other guys last month at the same time I wrote him, but when things started to really take off between us, I broke communication with the others. I guess there's every possibility he found out I had written other guys, but I had already told him I had written a few others and decided not to now that we were kind of "exclusive" pen-pals so-to-speak.

[sidewalker]

ok this is getting off topic.
If your going to dig up threads, read thru all the ones in this thread first.

PTO=Support site??? remember that part please.

[jonlash]

Sorry I am not trying to be unsupportive, I just want to support the actual issue which might be...her H found out she was cheating...she has issues that lead her to seek out manipulative men or whatever.

[sidewalker]

she gave an explaination (sp) for what happened.
Her husband knows she writes this guy, and he's pissed the attny quit and she didnt tell him. So now he wants to divorce her.
IN a nut shell thats it.
Shes angry, tired, and feeling awful.
She is coming here for support about it.
Lets keep the posts to that.

[Sheryl P.]

I would probably just let things calm down and then see how you both feel.
I think it is natural for him to be concerned with having to prehaps spend additional time in prison due to a lack of timley filing but how that translates into being angry with the person who has busted their rear trying to do nothing but help is beyond me.

Perhaps it is time to move on because he does not seem to know how to be appreciative and give up the attempts at control.

I'm sorry you are feeling like all your efforts were in vain.

Huggs.

[Jimbo111_2]

There seems to be other issues going on here. But, I think that can be said with any poster. How often do we get "the whole story" in one note? Anyone's note. Even with all the notes posted we never get "the whole story".

I try to deal with one note at a time. I may have started this search for past notes because I mentioned a past note that I looked up. I did so because I thought after my first post here that I missed something in my first reply. She posted about the problems she was having with this guy (her husband) that led her to this note. My second note I posted was more forceful because she was having a long term problem with him trying to direct her every move, when to eat, what to eat, when to go shopping, how much to spend and when to spend it. aAll this from a jail cell.

The difference is I looked up one note to support my support of seeyouin10. Not to find dirt. I looked up one note that related to this parent note. Now I am sorry I did.

My intent was not to discredit her note here. It was to back up my support. and it allowed me to be more forcefull in my 2nd reply Because I would never have posted as I did if it was based on one note.

As far as cheating on him, I can't go there. We don't know the whole story. It could be this divorce talk may have been in the wind for a long time and it landed here with the parent note. That may explain her comment,

"Recently, he told me he is in love with me. We decided to table the issue because there are some things I need to work out FAR before anything like that is discussed."

This guy is a nut, Think about this phone call,

su = seeyouin10
h = husband

su - Hi dear, how's things going?
h - good just hangin out. What did you do today?
su - After work I stopped at McDonld's for dinner.
h - HOW MUCH DID THAT COST? I TOLD YOU TO EAT AT HOME.
YOU COULDN'T EAT AT HOME BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GO TO THE
STORE LIKE I TOLD YOU TO.
su - No dear, I was tired.
h - IF YOU DON'T DO AS I SAY I'M GOING TO GET A DIVORCE.

I know that it's extreme, but, this guy is a control freak. I am sure divorce has been in the wind for a long time and he uses it as a tool to get what he wants.

..

[pj663]

She's here for support so please members let's give her that. I said in another thread that the information is as good as what the member is willing to share. What we do know is that her marriage is possibley over and she is here to vent and talk about it. It's hard being in a relationship with someone incarcerated. Just like any relationship it has it's high and low's but we feel it 10 times over when problem arises. We as women want to be loved and appreciated. He's currently fighting for his freedom so at this time maybe he's not emotional available for her like he was in the begining. That could easily without intent lead to seeking other attention even if it's a emotional affair or filling a void and nothing physical. It happens. It's nothing like having someone to complain about petty things You give up your life and friends visiting, putting money on his books writing letters cards, let alone a lawyer. And then he's upset??? That's enough to drive anyone under the table and through the floor. Seeyouin10 you can find support here at PTO. I hope that you find a resolution to this matter.

[seeyouin10]

This is the last time I'm going to post on this topic. For the love of all that is holy in this world, PLEASE STOP making this about ANYTHING other than the fact my husband is upset that his attorney quit and feels like it is MY fault and that he wants the world handed to him on a silver platter while telling me all the things I do wrong, in his opinion. I haven't cheated on him, I haven't dishonored our marriage vows or anything of the sort. I don't have "issues that lead me to seek out manipulative men" either.

Was I heartsick my friend didn't write me for a week? Hell yes I was! I had just gotten back in touch with him and then he was gone again. Did he tell me he was in love with me? Yes. So what? These issues with J have been there since right around the time of his incarceration 14 months ago.....LONG before my incarcerated friend was ever in the picture. Those are the "issues" I was referring to in my previous posts which you all have been so kind as to dig up and throw in my face for some reason. Take this at face value for what it is; I have done nothing to feel guilty for and will not be made to feel like the villain here as some of you seem determined to make me out to be.

And yes, I wrote other inmates as well....BFD. I was never romantically involved with any of them. One of the things that ran through my head was maybe my friend was upset about that (and he knows about every single one of them now as well). I was trying to think of anything that could possibly explain his reason for not writing. Turns out he was in the hole....mystery solved. In fact, I don't even have contact with any of them anymore. The posts you are all referring to were made back in what, late April/early May?

To the poster who asked why I would pay THOUSANDS of dollars in attorneys fees and have NO money for the phone, you are way off-base. When did I ever say I didn't have money for the phone? For the last 14 months, I have been paying $3-400 in phone bills between my cell phone bill and the pre-paid calls. I'm not doing that anymore because that's insane. I put him on a call diet and he freaked. I don't owe him 5-6 phone calls/day just so he can "hear my voice." That's stupid. He can call once/day and that is totally sufficient. He should consider himself lucky; some inmates don't get to call their LO once/day.

He has now backed off the divorce thing because his anger has subsided, but I have not backed off of it. He is going to get what he originally wanted....a divorce. I will not be treated like dog shit by him or anyone here either. I will not be controlled, told what/when to eat and/or called "stupid" because he's pissed off about his attorney. I'm proceeding with the divorce on my own and he will have to lay in the bed which he made for himself. I am being made to testify at his PCR hearing, but I have no responsibility to him past that of a legal nature.

I'm done with this discussion. If any of you choose to continue it and make it about something other than what it really is, have at it.

[mallafri]

Originally Posted by seeyouin10

This is the last time I'm going to post on this topic. For the love of all that is holy in this world, PLEASE STOP making this about ANYTHING other than the fact my husband is upset that his attorney quit and feels like it is MY fault and that he wants the world handed to him on a silver platter while telling me all the things I do wrong, in his opinion. I haven't cheated on him, I haven't dishonored our marriage vows or anything of the sort. I don't have "issues that lead me to seek out manipulative men" either.

Was I heartsick my friend didn't write me for a week? Hell yes I was! I had just gotten back in touch with him and then he was gone again. Did he tell me he was in love with me? Yes. So what? These issues with J have been there since right around the time of his incarceration 14 months ago.....LONG before my incarcerated friend was ever in the picture. Those are the "issues" I was referring to in my previous posts which you all have been so kind as to dig up and throw in my face for some reason. Take this at face value for what it is; I have done nothing to feel guilty for and will not be made to feel like the villain here as some of you seem determined to make me out to be.

And yes, I wrote other inmates as well....BFD. I was never romantically involved with any of them. One of the things that ran through my head was maybe my friend was upset about that (and he knows about every single one of them now as well). I was trying to think of anything that could possibly explain his reason for not writing. Turns out he was in the hole....mystery solved. In fact, I don't even have contact with any of them anymore. The posts you are all referring to were made back in what, late April/early May?

To the poster who asked why I would pay THOUSANDS of dollars in attorneys fees and have NO money for the phone, you are way off-base. When did I ever say I didn't have money for the phone? For the last 14 months, I have been paying $3-400 in phone bills between my cell phone bill and the pre-paid calls. I'm not doing that anymore because that's insane. I put him on a call diet and he freaked. I don't owe him 5-6 phone calls/day just so he can "hear my voice." That's stupid. He can call once/day and that is totally sufficient. He should consider himself lucky; some inmates don't get to call their LO once/day.

He has now backed off the divorce thing because his anger has subsided, but I have not backed off of it. He is going to get what he originally wanted....a divorce. I will not be treated like dog shit by him or anyone here either. I will not be controlled, told what/when to eat and/or called "stupid" because he's pissed off about his attorney. I'm proceeding with the divorce on my own and he will have to lay in the bed which he made for himself. I am being made to testify at his PCR hearing, but I have no responsibility to him past that of a legal nature.

I'm done with this discussion. If any of you choose to continue it and make it about something other than what it really is, have at it.

Read your very first post and then read your last, you're a totally different woman!!!! Yes, there were definitely some not so supportive posts done in this thread but in the end, they seem to have helped you, they made you mad and made you stand up for yourself. Good for you! You are so right, he made his bed and now he has to lay in it! You deserve better, so you divorce that man and then take time for yourself and when you're ready, you'll find your Mr Right!