Notice to new members intending to register - from January 9th 2012

kandikisses · #1 08-17-2012, 03:43 AM

Yesterday was his birthday. Usually he gets really down on special occasions because he's there and not at home. I wanted to do something special so I thought it would be nice if he could see the birthday shoutouts his family gave him on facebook (since they never write or visit him). I was doing screenshots of the birthday wishes. But then I noticed that on his dad's and sister's updates there were 2 women whose comments read like one is his wife and the other is a girlfriend. Im confused now. Im not surprised that his family wouldnt fill me in because theyre fake as hell. But with everything ive been through to make our relationship work, it really hurt a lot to see that. Im not sure how to proceed... Part of me is just tired of all the bullshit and ready to give up...

**Patty** · #2 08-17-2012, 03:55 AM

This isn't the first time that you have been concerned about other women in his life. There is also the fact that you had another man's baby. I know he welcomed the child and all but the truth is that more often than not the disrespect that a man, any man really but most certainly an incarcerated man feels from this overshadows all else. Your relationship is not on solid ground, that is the long and the short of it. I'm not sure it can be repaired - in most cases it cannot. Although in general I believe that Facebook drama is mainly bullshit I'd have to say that in your situation I'd be inclined to believe it is possible that he has other women in his life.

I can understand your feeling of wanting to give up on this relationship and I can understand that it is quite possible that he already has. In fact it is possible that he is stringing you and perhaps or at least two other women along.

My advice would be for you to do some soul searching. Picture your life 5, 10, 20 years from now and decide what type of people you want to surround yourself with. Even if you get a faint glimmer of him in the picture, I fear that may be wishful thinking on your part. The good news is you have a child and a future without him and it falls to you to make that the very best it can be. I wish you well.

Sheryl P. · #3 08-17-2012, 06:19 AM

Two women who sound like THEY are in a relationship with him?
I would be wondering too.

juss me6 · #4 08-17-2012, 06:30 AM

Usually instincts are right. I always used to scare the girls into telling me. I guess I have that effect.

tripsgirl · #5 08-17-2012, 06:48 AM

What was said to make you feel that way?

Geauxin'KraZee · #6 08-17-2012, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheryl P.

Two women who sound like THEY are in a relationship with him?
I would be wondering too.

I wouldn't have to wonder! I. Would KNOW what to do.! ---- END IT! !!!!!!!!!

InmateLover67 · #7 08-17-2012, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandikisses

Yesterday was his birthday. Usually he gets really down on special occasions because he's there and not at home. I wanted to do something special so I thought it would be nice if he could see the birthday shoutouts his family gave him on facebook (since they never write or visit him). I was doing screenshots of the birthday wishes. But then I noticed that on his dad's and sister's updates there were 2 women whose comments read like one is his wife and the other is a girlfriend. Im confused now. Im not surprised that his family wouldnt fill me in because theyre fake as hell. But with everything ive been through to make our relationship work, it really hurt a lot to see that. Im not sure how to proceed... Part of me is just tired of all the bullshit and ready to give up...

I am kid of confused at your comment "one was his wife and the other his girlfriend", is he your boyfriend, or just a male friend?

Proceed with not being involved with FB drama. Tell him it hurt you to see what you saw....but again, I am not sure what the problem is.

It is nice of you to do what you did for him.

Peace~

MrsBettyLou · #8 08-17-2012, 07:53 AM

Nice gesture, but that is not something I would want to be worrying about. I do not know what your relationship has been in the past but I would confront him with it. Not in a confrontational way, but ask him about it. It might allow you to air out some things and find out where you stand. You should go with your gut, and decide from there. Finding out about "another woman" is gut retching, but with a little one involved. You do whats best for the both of you.. and call it a day. I know easier said than done

*sending good vibes your way*

Nicholas'ladyy · #9 08-17-2012, 12:59 PM

From my understanding of what you said, it sounds like you KNOW he has a wife. If he does, you should probably just bounce back now!
Not to mention, in Patty's post, she mentioned you had a child with another man. If you could find yourself attracted to another man and have sexual contact with him, chances are you probably do not truly love the one that's incarcerated.

It's probably best for you to move on and worry about making your and your child's life the best you can. And maybe if feelings are still there when he gets out, see where it can go from there.

Sorry if I came off harsh, JMHO.
Good luck <3

ahora2012 · #10 08-17-2012, 05:01 PM

get rid of the drama - drop him and focus on being the best mom you can! your baby is the one who needs all this energy you give to this man who you dont trust and who you stepped out on - its time to change your destiny - JMO

kandikisses · #11 08-18-2012, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty

This isn't the first time that you have been concerned about other women in his life. There is also the fact that you had another man's baby. I know he welcomed the child and all but the truth is that more often than not the disrespect that a man, any man really but most certainly an incarcerated man feels from this overshadows all else. Your relationship is not on solid ground, that is the long and the short of it. I'm not sure it can be repaired - in most cases it cannot. Although in general I believe that Facebook drama is mainly bullshit I'd have to say that in your situation I'd be inclined to believe it is possible that he has other women in his life.

I can understand your feeling of wanting to give up on this relationship and I can understand that it is quite possible that he already has. In fact it is possible that he is stringing you and perhaps or at least two other women along.

My advice would be for you to do some soul searching. Picture your life 5, 10, 20 years from now and decide what type of people you want to surround yourself with. Even if you get a faint glimmer of him in the picture, I fear that may be wishful thinking on your part. The good news is you have a child and a future without him and it falls to you to make that the very best it can be. I wish you well.

I believe you are right Patty. Lately when I make plans for the future, the plans include me and my son and thats it. Ive been slowly eliminating people and things that are draining me and this is the last drama-filled situation I find myself attached to. I spent today reading over our letters and emails and lately it seems like we're both just hanging on to prevent hurting the other... But in reality hanging on is what is hurting us. Time to let go. Letter has been sent. At this point I cant even offer friendship and dont think it would be healtht to try to. Im done. Time to move to that forum I guess... Thank you for being blunt.

kandikisses · #12 08-18-2012, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tripsgirl

What was said to make you feel that way?

One female referred to him as hubby and baby. The other referred to him as her future husband...

**Patty** · #13 08-18-2012, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandikisses

I believe you are right Patty. Lately when I make plans for the future, the plans include me and my son and thats it. Ive been slowly eliminating people and things that are draining me and this is the last drama-filled situation I find myself attached to. I spent today reading over our letters and emails and lately it seems like we're both just hanging on to prevent hurting the other... But in reality hanging on is what is hurting us. Time to let go. Letter has been sent. At this point I cant even offer friendship and dont think it would be healtht to try to. Im done. Time to move to that forum I guess... Thank you for being blunt.

I know a decision like this has to be painful and it will take time for you to heal but the good news is that you have a son and you can have a happy future. The little one is all the motivation you need to see a brighter tomorrow. I wish you all the best.

kandikisses · #14 08-18-2012, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InmateLover67

I am kid of confused at your comment "one was his wife and the other his girlfriend", is he your boyfriend, or just a male friend?

Proceed with not being involved with FB drama. Tell him it hurt you to see what you saw....but again, I am not sure what the problem is.

It is nice of you to do what you did for him.

Peace~

Up until today he was my boyfriend.

kandikisses · #15 08-18-2012, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicholas'ladyy

From my understanding of what you said, it sounds like you KNOW he has a wife. If he does, you should probably just bounce back now!
Not to mention, in Patty's post, she mentioned you had a child with another man. If you could find yourself attracted to another man and have sexual contact with him, chances are you probably do not truly love the one that's incarcerated.

It's probably best for you to move on and worry about making your and your child's life the best you can. And maybe if feelings are still there when he gets out, see where it can go from there.

Sorry if I came off harsh, JMHO.
Good luck <3

We;ve known each other for 9 years and there has never been mention of him being married. If I had known of a wife, I would not have formed a relationship with him and we would not have discussed marriage ourselves. And I agree with your "harsh" words. Looking back on this whole hott mess, we should have just stayed friends to begin with. I wasn't ready for a relationship... Hindsight is always 20/20

kandikisses · #16 08-18-2012, 12:21 AM

Thank you all ladies. Before I checked the thread I had already made a decision, but seeing the comments reassured me that putting me and my son first was the right thing to do.

Jootje · #17 08-18-2012, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kandikisses

Thank you all ladies. Before I checked the thread I had already made a decision, but seeing the comments reassured me that putting me and my son first was the right thing to do.

I am glad you had your wake up call and realizing that YOU come first and are worth so much more than feeling like a toy and that you have put a stop to this playing around without the rules being clear to you. This life is about you being happy in order to be able to make sure your child will be as well.

After 9 years it will take time to heal and that is only human but you have taken the first step so be proud of yourself!